25-year-old germaphobe dreaming of motherhood thinks she'll be able to train her future children not to be dirty and gross: 'She thinks if we just work at it, we have a spotless house and a spotless kid.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 19, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

There comes a time in everyone's life when they need to overcome their fears and face their neuroses. I'm not saying you should go on Maury Povich and let him confront you with pickles if you're deathly afraid of pickles. That is way too public and more for entertainment purposes than therapeutic ones. I also wouldn't say that you need to be fully un-neruotic about everything to lead a fulfilling life. But when your fears and neuroses affect everyone around you, it's about time you take command of your life and stops letting silly stuff get the best of you. 

I'm certainly living in a glass house by saying this. I apologize for about 20% of the stuff I do, and that might even be a modest estimate. But I'm working every day to turn that around so that one day, it will be a thing of the past. It takes a long time to overcome that which has plagued us for years, but recognizing that you have a problem that needs to be fixed is sometimes half the battle.

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  • Cheezburger Image 10543959552
    via Kübra Arslaner (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The woman in this story has not acknowledged that she has a problem. She feels the need to live in a completely spotless environment, and won't settle for anything less. The problem with that is that she wants kids, and is wholly unready for how messy they will actually be.

  • AITAH for telling my girlfriend she's going to have to get over dirt if she wants kids?

    My (25F) girlfriend Amy (27F) is at wonderful person. She's very smart, she works in a clean room with computer chips and stuff. But she's also something of a germaphobe. To the point that she keeps her tooth brush in the hallway outside the bathroom in
    via u/Familiar_Speaker_481
  • a zip locked bag. Her apartment is always spotless, she showers twice-thrice a day, even her car somehow never has any dirt on the floor. She hand washes all of her clothes as soon as she's done wearing them. It's both impressive and intimidating.
    via u/Familiar_Speaker_481
  • I'm not the messiest person on the planet by any means, I don't have massive piles of unwashed dishes or a leaning tower of used pizza boxes or anything, but I'm not as clean as she is. I'm not against making some adjustments, but we've been talking more about the future now that we're getting serious and I've come across a problem.
    via u/Familiar_Speaker_481
  • Amy wants kids. Desperately, wants kids. I'd like kids too. But she's never been around babies or little kids before in her life and seems to think she'll be able to keep the house just as clean as it is now and keep the baby spotless too.
    via u/Familiar_Speaker_481
  • I'm the oldest of four, and the oldest cousin of nine. I grew up around kids, I've been baby sitting since I was ten. There's no such thing as a clean toddler, not for longer than ten minutes at the very most. She thinks if we just work at it, we have a spotless house and a spotless kid.
    via u/Familiar_Speaker_481
  • Cheezburger Image 10543966720
    via Lotus Design N Print

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I told her (gently) that that's just not possible, and asked how she plans on handling diapers, vomit, frogs smuggled into the house, jam going everywhere, soup bowls tipped over for fun, spilled grape juice, nail polish on the walls and the like. She insisted that the kids who do that are just 'poorly trained' and don't have good boundaries.
    via u/Familiar_Speaker_481
  • Cheezburger Image 10543965952
    via Kelly Sikkema

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I told her that they're kids without fine motor control or impulse regulation, and accidents will always happen. And if she wants to have kids she's going to have to accept that they're going to get messy and our house will get messy.
    via u/Familiar_Speaker_481
  • Amy accused me of not being supportive and trying to find excuses not to have kids with her and trying to guilt her into being sloppier. This is dissolving into an actual fight instead of a discussion and I'm starting to second guess myself. Maybe my
    via u/Familiar_Speaker_481
  • family was just excessively messy because we were rural and poor, maybe my standards are too low and we really haven't tried hard enough. It's very frustrating and I want some outside perspective. Parental perspective especially.
    via u/Familiar_Speaker_481
  • abibofsweat Just when you think you've cleaned up all the and mess you find a casual pile of vom behind a pillow.
    via u/abibofsweat
  • Familiar_Speaker_481 OP Ugh, reminds me of the time when I found out that my littlest cousin found a 'loophole' in potty training by piling cat litter in her closet and using that instead.
    via u/Familiar_Speaker_481
  • CrazyPatient2412 This is amazing in the grossest way
    via u/CrazyPatient2412
  • DustyBoarTusk Dad of two here, you're NTA and you're right. Messes are inevitable with kids. You can't "work at" getting a newborn to not spit up, or not pee during a diaper change. You Potty training exists, of course, but
    via u/DustyBoarTusk
  • you're gonna be dealing with so many accidents. So many late-night sheet changes. You'll find food on your kids in the weirdest, most random places. She needs to lower her expectations or she's going to be horribly disappointed.
    via u/DustyBoarTusk
  • Senator_Bink She needs to lower her expectations or she's going to be horribly disappointed. And all the joy will be regimented out of those kids' lives as they live in fear of Mom's wrath any time they generate a speck of dirt.
    via u/Senator_Bink
  • InannasPocket My cousin married a woman like this. Their two kids basically weren't allowed to play outside because she was too anxious about them potentially getting grass stains on their clothes. Ffs, then don't dress your 3 year old like they're going to meet the pope!
    via u/InannasPocket
  • Seaponi THIS. Her child will be so "trained", that all the innocence and joys of being a child are just nonexistent.
    via u/Seaponi
  • alcohall183 and it will cause so much mental health damage. long term mental health damage
    via u/alcohall183
  • feedyrsoul Maybe this is actually why Amy is this way in the first place...
    via u/feedyrsoul
  • thicc_moranis This was my thought too. I think Amy should talk to a therapist about her thoughts/feelings around dirt/mess/germs and where that originates because showering 2-3 times a day every day is not necessary nor is it healthy.
    via u/thicc__moranis
  • allgoodmom Amy is going to need therapy before and during parenthood to handle the chaos.
    via u/allgoodmom
  • LaLunaDomina NTA. My mom was like this to an extent. We looked shiny and clean and our house looked like a show home. I had to have my clothes just right and my shoes unscuffed and my room looking perfect. The illusion was more important than our lived reality. I grew up terrified of getting dirty, and feel deep shame even now when my house is not perfect. Do not intentionally put a child in this position. They have to come first, they have to be allowed to get messy and make mistakes and play o
    via u/LaLunaDomina

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Babies cleaning baby kids gross germaphobe germs bad parenting motherhood relationships parenting dad dirty mom Parenting Fail children Parenting FAILS
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