'She cares more about the team than her own daughter': Dad lets teenage daughter quit competitive gymnastics when she says that it hurts her body, mom argues that quitting will make her lazy

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Aug 31, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Sometimes, in a relationship, you and your partner may see the exact same situation from completely different lenses. This can happen much more often when one partner is more practically-minded than the other; in my own relationship, that is my boyfriend. We often disagree on how big the laundry pile must be before someone finally decides to put it in the wash, what even constitutes a "messy" living room, and how much money is okay to spend on a Target run. I think it's good that we don't always see eye-to-eye! This gives us opportunities to see things from each others' perpectives and find middle ground. I've started actually putting my mugs back in the sink instead of leaving them on the coffee table over night, for example, and he's been relenting more and more to treating ourselves here and there.

Once you become a parent, all of these little arguments start to revolve around your children. One incredibly empathetic dad finds himself caught between his practical, budget-minded wife and their 15-year-old daughter, who wants to quit competitive gymnastics after years of intense training. His wife argues that she should push through the season. Not only did they make a huge financial investment, but she believes that her daughter owes it to her team. However, he empathizes with his daughter's physical pain and fading passion. In the end, he listens to his gut, and the outcome is pretty heartwarming! 

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  • 01

    WIBTA if I withdrew my daughter from sports against my wife's wishes?

    Gymnast jumping at a competition
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My daughter (15f) is a competitive gymnast. Her team travels all over the country to compete. She is a sophomore in High school and wants to stop
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  • 03
    competing because her body hurts, she is at the gym 14 hours a week, she lacks the drive and passion for the sport and she
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  • 04
    wants to do more high school things and concentrate on her studies. She is a honor roll student and takes AP classes in sophomore year.
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  • 05
    Gymnastics teacher helps student balance
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  • 06
    My wife (43f) is against it because my daughter's season just started and she made a commitment to the team and she
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  • 07
    should see it through. We also spent $1,800 this summer on camps and sessions to help her
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  • 08
    get better. She thinks my daughter will be become lazy and want to hang out with friends and her chores and school work will suffer.
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  • I mean, her school work and chores might improve if she's not literally in pain and constantly working to compete in an extracurricular activity.

  • 09
    Teenage girl working in class
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  • 10
    I (43m) understand my wife's point about the commitment to the team and the money. I also understand my daughters point
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  • 11
    about being sore as I used to be weightlifter and wanting to be more active in high school. I am trying to find middle ground but I
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  • 12
    don't think it exists. My gut is to protect my daughter and withdraw her but I know it will put me in the dog house big time. I feel stuck between a rock and hard place.
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  • 13
    Update: thanks everyone for their advice. My daughter is much happier, she took up theatre and had a leads role In the school plays. She is much happier.
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    A young actor kneels and holds hands with an actress during a drama class
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  • I'm glad to read that it all worked out and that she found another another passion that isn't physically strenuous. 

  • 15
    Lisbei NTA Also, listen to your daughter. Her reasons for wanting to stop the sport are valid. Forget about the money, that's gone. And about her
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  • 16
    behaviour, I'm kind of shocked that your wife doesn't believe in her own daughter - really, an honor roll AP student isn't going to change overnight. It sounds like your wife is one of those dance moms, only for gymnastics.
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  • 17
    Just reread logically, at the start - of the season is the second best time to pull out of the team (the best time would be at the end of
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  • 18
    the previous one). Also, your wife says daughter made a commitment to the team? So she cares more about the team than her own daughter? Wow.
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  • 19
    Irishwol This. Please listen to your daughter. And do NOT let your wife dismiss the 'her body hurts' complaint. Our Eldest
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  • 20
    stuck it out too long. Turned out they have EDS and pushing through the pain has permanently damaged their joints.
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  • 21
    Wishyouamerry NTA. The $1800 is gone, no matter what. It's not coming back. So you can be out $1800 and have a miserable, resentful child or you can be out $1800 and have a happy, balanced child.
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  • 22
    As for the commitment to the team, it happens. Yes, it's important to honor your obligations but it's also important to learn that you don't have to sacrifice yourself for others. If
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  • 23
    your daughter is no longer on this team, are we talking about girls that won't be able to make it to the Olympics because of it? Most likely not. No one is irreplaceable, and someone will take her place.
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  • 24
    Maybe consider giving her a thinking-about-it period. Tell her to remain on the team for X amount of time, and then if she's firm in her desire to want to quit she can.
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  • 25
    NTA notdancingQueen Her body hurts. At 16 Let me repeat, louder, for your wife: your child's, 16 year old body is hurting. Do you, as a parent, willingly accept your child's hurts when they're due to something not needed nor wanted?
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  • 26
    That's reason enough to justify retiring, I'm sorry. I know it comes hand in hand with competitive sports, but it's her body and her peace of mind. Both need to last for at least 60 more years Let her be a normal teenager for once in her life.
    via @notdancingQueen
  • 27
    LivingMyMediocreLife Normally, I would say that encouraging a child to finish out the commitment to the end of the season would be necessary IF this was just a matter of losing passion or interest. One must follow through with what they say will do and then can move on.
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  • 28
    But not for pain. That's just setting her up for a life of chronic aches and pains (along with resentment for being forced to continue the exact thing that causes pain).
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  • 29
    Efficient_Poetry_187 I get where you're both coming from, but you have to put your kid first. You're her advocate.
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  • 30
    I would also sit down and have a longer conversation with your daughter about her feelings towards gymnastics. It's very possible that she has been
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  • 31
    feeling this way for a while but was afraid to say anything, or didn't want to disappoint anyone. Her mental and physical health should come before any else.
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  • 32
    Also from a safety perspective, if her heart isn't in it then your daughter is at a greater risk of being distracted and getting hurt.
    via @Efficient_Poetry_187

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relationship advice family drama entitled parents married with children fatherhood teenagers gymnastics relationships parenting raising teens dad family raising kids mom parents
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