Dad refuses to uproot his kids' lives and move to a different state after his wife decides to move closer to her own kids, forcing her to divorce: ‘I would rather our marriage end than move’

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    AITA for being willing to end my marriage because I refuse to uproot my kids from their life to follow my stepkids?

    My wife and I have been together for 4 years, married for almost 2. We both have kids.
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    Couple carrying boxes on steps while moving out of house
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    My daughter is 11 and my son is 9. We lost their mom when they were younger.
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    My wife had been divorced for many years and shared custody of her 15 and 16 year old's with her ex until a few months ago when he was granted permission to move to another state with their kids, because their kids wanted to go with their dad.
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    My wife doesn't want to be away from her kids for long periods of time and she has told me she's moving.
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    She feels like she needs to be near her kids. I support this. But I won't move my kids away from family, friends and stability to do this.
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    My kids don't want to move either. They heard my wife mention it several weeks ago and they told me they don't want to leave.
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    They'd miss everyone too much. I already know the life my kids have here is what they need and where they thrive.
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    I explained this to my wife and she was defeated. She told me we can't make a marriage work if I'm here and she's there and I said I agree and I told her I believe the best way forward would be to divorce.
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    She was upset by this, of course, and we talked and I comforted her and she asked me if there was anything she could say or do to make me reconsider.
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    I told her I won't move my children and I would never ask her to be apart from her kids for months at a time.
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    I said we're both committed to the best interest of our individual children and that means doing what's right for them even if it's not right for us as a couple.
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    She asked for us to talk it out some more and we have. We've talked about it extensively but all the while she has been making arrangements for a place where her ex and kids now live and a new job.
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    I think she believed I would change my mind the more we discussed everything but I have not and now she's angry that I would rather our marriage end than move so we can all be together as a family.
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    But I know this is not what's best for my kids.
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    Couple with divorce contract and ring on desk. Divorce
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    OkMix4193 NTA. You're putting your kids' stability first, and that's exactly what a parent should do. It sks for your marriage, but forcing them to move away from their entire support system would be unfair.
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    Your wife is doing what she feels she has to for her kids, and you're doing the same for yours. It's heartbreaking, but sometimes love isn't enough when kids are involved.
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    Various-Ocelot-2209 NTA As a parent you need to do what's best for your kids. It's sad that your marriage will have to end but it's unfair to uproot your kids.
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    Even more so since her kids choose to live with their dad and are older teens who will become more and more independent in the coming years.
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    Ok_Profile2595 Your children are so lucky to have such an amazing father.
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    ayesh00 NTA You both are putting the kids first which is what good parents do.
  • 23
    Unfortunately the kids needs are at odds so that means the marriage has to take a back seat until they are all adults. Good luck
  • 24
    Complex Visit5585 NAH but her kids are 15 and 16 which means the top range of separation is max 3 years before both are in college or doing their own thing. Why not long distance it for a short period of time before rejoining each other for the rest of your lives?

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