Concerned mother refuses to financially support her daughter's acting aspirations in Los Angeles for a year, despite paying for her other children's college expenses: ‘We agreed to support our kids through college’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Sep 4, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

College isn't for everyone. You have successful CEOs who didn't graduate high school, critically acclaimed actors who were homeschooled since they were 6, and every other exception to the "rule." The rule is conventionality and tradition, in that most people take the college route, so they are better prepared for a high-paying job in a field they are interested in. Not everyone wants to be a businessman or a data analyst, but if you're thinking of making big leaps in an "alternative" career like acting or music, you probably shouldn't expect your parents to foot the bill. Yes, that remains true even if your parents funded your siblings' college education. Why? The two are very different routes, and some might argue that one reaps a better reward.

The mother in this next story refuses to fund her daughter's acting "gap year" so she can pursue an acting career in Los Angeles. It's important to note that the cost of living in LA, aside from the statistics working against struggling actors trying to make it big, is abhorrent. They say to never give up on your dreams, and I stand by that. However, expecting a parent to fund everything for a year in addition to their current expenses is a bit… much. Scroll below to read the entire story.

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  • "LA is expensive, and I don't want to waste money on a path that has no guaranteed return."
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • "AITA for refusing to financially support my daughter's ‘gap year’ to pursue acting, when we paid for our other kids college expenses?"

    I (48F) and my husband (49M) have three kids (23F, 20M, and 18F). From the beginning, my husband and I have agreed we would financially support our kids through college for tuition, rent, groceries, etc.
    via OtherwiseIncident150
  • Our oldest completed her undergrad, and we covered all the expenses. She is now in medical school, and we are still paying her education and living costs. Our middle child is still in undergrad,
    via OtherwiseIncident150
  • and we are paying for that and plan to cover his grad school, too. Our youngest has never been as into studies as my older two, and I have always done my best to support her creative hobbies like art
    via OtherwiseIncident150
  • and theater. She is supposed to enter college end of September, but she is now saying she would rather defer for a year to pursue theater/acting instead. She had a long
    via OtherwiseIncident150
  • conversation with us when she broke the news and made a powerpoint explaining everything she planned to do. She said she plans to move to LA for the year and promised
    via OtherwiseIncident150
  • that if things did not work out after the year, she would then go to college. The thing is, she expects us to finance everything like we did with her siblings. I said she could
    via OtherwiseIncident150
  • go, but we would not pay for it because we agreed to support our kids through college, which she is choosing not to attend. I suggested instead that she should go to college and pursue
    via OtherwiseIncident150
  • acting on the side. She said that she needs to give it her full attention for at least a year. She insists that I am being unfair and showing favoritism towards her siblings because they are going
    via OtherwiseIncident150
  • the more "traditional way," and that she has a plan and just needs time. My oldest called and said that we have supported her through her passions and that we should do the
    via OtherwiseIncident150
  • same for our youngest, even if her path is different. My husband is now leaning towards letting her go, saying, "What's the harm in a year"? But I feel strongly
    via OtherwiseIncident150
  • about this. LA is expensive, and I don't want to waste money on a path that has no guaranteed return. I don't want to pay tens of thousands for something
    via OtherwiseIncident150
  • she could do on the side or later on. The rest of my family, besides my husband, who is trying to remain neutral, thinks I'm the a hole for not supporting her. So AITA
    via OtherwiseIncident150
  • she could do on the side or later on. The rest of my family, besides my husband, who is trying to remain neutral, thinks I'm the a hole for not supporting her. So AITA for not paying for my daughter's "gap year".
    via OtherwiseIncident150
  • person in graduation gown holding a diploma
    via Ahmet Kurt For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AnnoyedSpaceDust NTA. There are college degrees for acting/theatre/arts she could attend. Also to point out LA has a high cost of living. So if you were to support the gap year, it doesn't work, then they get 4 years of paid expenses for college on top of that? Seems unfair to the other kids.
    via AnnoyedSpaceDust
  • Character-Twist-1409 NTA. Why can't she go to school for acting or theater. There are great programs in NYC and probably in LA too. That way she can learn, network and get a degree. Some jobs just need a degree in anything. She can do auditions around classes
    via Character-Twist-1409
  • That way you are still supporting her. If she gets a big break she can take a LOA to see how it works out.
    via Character-Twist-1409
  • Formal_Maximum6498 I have a cousin who did something similar; after graduating college, they moved out to LA to pursue a career in screenwriting. From what I hear the experience was brutal, eye- opening, expensive, and
    via Formal_Maximum6498
  • humbling. They ended up moving back home several years later, having been unable to make ends meet despite working two jobs while pursuing their dream job (which didn't pan out either, from what I hear).
    via Formal_Maximum6498
  • I would definitely advise anyone wanting to move to LA to think twice. OP is right to be sounding the warning bell, based on the financial cost alone. NTA.
    via Formal_Maximum6498

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acting family dynamics family drama entertainment school entitled parents entitlement reddit story family feud parenting hollywood back to school entitled family reddit thread parent Reddit college parents entitled people
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