Parents refuse to financially support 18-year-old daughter while she peruses acting in LA for a year: 'We agreed to support our kids through college, which she is choosing not to attend'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Sep 2, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

You'd be surprised how many young "struggling" actors in LA and New York are fully funded by their parents. These are not young adults who cannot find survival jobs because they're so busy with their art or aren't qualified for any non-acting work that will allow them to pay their own essentials; they are just unwilling to do the work that it takes to be a working actor. Some grown-up kids don't want to have to live in a seedy neighborhood or pay their own rent, and if they have parents who are willing to foot the bill, why would they do anything else but allow them to do so?

There's a significant difference between parents funding their adult children's "dreams" into their 30s without a clear path towards self-sustainability, and a parent helping their kid out when they're young, genuinely trying their best, and struggling. A parent might set up an agreement with their kid that they must be able to pay for their own lifestyle by a certain age, which is totally reasonable. For some parents, that age is 18. For others, it's 28. 

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  • The teen in this story wants to move to LA for a year to pursue acting. She claims that if it doesn't work out, she'll go to college. Her parents are unsure if this is a good idea, as they agreed to pay for college in full, but not for a fruitless gap year.

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    via Juri Gianfrancesco

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AIm I the bad guy for refusing to financially support my daughter's "gap year" to pursue acting, when we paid for our other kids college expenses?

    I (48F) and my husband (49M) have three kids (23F, 20M, and 18F). From the beginning, my husband and I have agreed we would financially support our kids through college for tuition, rent, groceries, etc. Our oldest completed her undergrad, and we covered all the expenses. She is
    via u/OtherwiseIncident150
  • now in medical school, and we are still paying her education and living costs. Our middle child is still in undergrad, and we are paying for that and plan to cover his grad school, too. Our youngest has never been as into studies as my older two, and I have always done my best to support her creative hobbies like art and theater. She is supposed
    via u/OtherwiseIncident150
  • Cheezburger Image 10549565696
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • to enter college end of September, but she is now saying she would rather defer for a year to pursue theater/acting instead. She had a long conversation with us when she broke the news and made a powerpoint explaining everything she planned to do. She said she plans to move to LA for the year and promised that if things did not work out after the
    via u/OtherwiseIncident150
  • year, she would then go to college. The thing is, she expects us to finance everything like we did with her siblings. I said she could go, but we would not pay for it because we agreed to support our kids through college, which she is choosing not to attend. I suggested instead that she should go to college and pursue acting on the side. She
    via u/OtherwiseIncident150
  • Cheezburger Image 10549565952
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • said that she needs to give it her full attention for at least a year. She insists that I am being unfair and showing favoritism towards her siblings because they are going the more "traditional way," and that she has a plan and just needs time. My oldest called and said that we have supported her through her passions and that we should do the same for our youngest, even if her path is
    via u/OtherwiseIncident150
  • different. My husband is now leaning towards letting her go, saying, "What's the harm in a year"? But I feel strongly about this. LA is expensive, and I don't want to waste money on a path that has no guaranteed return. I don't want to pay tens of thousands for something she could do on the side or later on.
    via u/OtherwiseIncident150
  • The rest of my family, besides my husband, who is trying to remain neutral, thinks I'm the a hole for not supporting her. So AITA for not paying for my daughter's "gap year".
    via u/OtherwiseIncident150
  • AnnoyedSpaceDust NTA. There are college degrees for acting/theatre/arts she could attend. Also to point out LA has a high cost of living. So if you were to support the gap year, it doesn't work, then they get 4 years of paid expenses for college on top of that? Seems unfair to the other kids.
    via u/AnnoyedSpaceDust
  • The_Sown_Rose It reads as though the other kids are getting undergrad and grad school paid for, so even with a year in LA and undergrad the other kids have probably still got more money.
    via u/The_Sown_Rose
  • bold939 Yeah, even with a year in LA, her siblings are still getting way more money spent on them overall. Doesn't feel like favoritism, just the reality of long-term college costs.
    via u/bold939
  • Shadow4summer Daughter needs to read the statistics of how many people make it in that chosen field. I agree that the parents should probably pay for that year, but I also realize that the one year mark will be extended over and over. Her parents are not required to pay for her fantasy.
    via u/Shadow4summer
  • _Calmarkel Sure, but she's not more guaranteed a job if she gets a degree. I work in a call centre and about 70% of us have degrees
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  • nola_mike She has a much higher chance of landing a good job if she has a degree, that's a fact.
    via u/nola_mike
  • Zealousideal-Set-592 I'd also really worry about my 18 year old daughter living in LA alone without anyone to care for her and guide her. Better for her to do that after uni when she's had some time to mature
    via u/Zealousideal-Set-592
  • SpicyWong Tong Thank you! Let's not get caught up in the costs. This going all in for a year to try to establish herself in Hollywood pipe dream is beyond stupid. Nobody makes it like that.
    via u/SpicyWongTong
  • Character-Twist-1409 NTA. Why can't she go to school for acting or theater. There are great programs in NYC and probably in LA too. That way she can learn, network and get a degree. Some jobs just need a degree in anything. She can do auditions around classes That way you are still supporting her. If she gets a big break she can take a LOA to see how it works out.
    via u/Character-Twist-1409
  • No-Elk7529 At this point, it's too late. Auditioning for college theater programs is a year long process and highly competitive. She was supposed to start school in September.
    via u/No-Elk7529
  • insquestaca LA is super expensive. Many young people go out there hoping to get into acting and fall victim to unscrupulous people. The completion is fierce. As a mother who to drama in HS and grew up in LA, I would not permit this. Just for her safety. I would encourage her to take theater, play production, singing and dancing at the local community college. And have fun living at home. Audition for every at school and explore the local drama scene too. She will gradually realize it is a diffic
    via u/insquestaca
  • nicklinn The counter point is: many people are taken advantage of because they are desperate. Taking the basics out of the equations can encourage smart decisions. Permission or not, the child is an adult and able to make their own decisions. If they are h I bent on it, then it's time to enter harm reduction mode. Set ground rules, and tie those to the money.
    via u/nicklinn
  • Significant-Half-189 My parents' rule was "everything was paid for so long as you were in school full time, if you're part time or drop out / graduate, you're on your own". NTA unless she's the next Meryl Streep and you're holding her back from giving us talent on screen. It's a lot of money, LA is not cheap, and barely anyone makes it in that town so I get wanting to push education. Does she have talent?
    via u/Significant-Half-189
  • Wheredotheflapsgo This story from OP reminds me of Stevie Nicks' deal with her dad- except chances are, OP's child is not the next Stevie Nicks. As a parent of two actors I can honestly confirm most work does not pay. And paid work is so competitive it's impossible to get noticed.
    via u/Wheredotheflapsgo
  • Aggressive_Cup8452 NtA. You're paying for school and their time in school. Not covering your kids living expenses till they're 30. Those are 2 very different things.
    via u/Aggressive_Cup8452

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acting tuition LA school theatre los angeles youngest daughter parenting dad daughter youngest actress mom adult children money college parents
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