18-year-old refuses to pay rent when her parents demand it after she has already moved out: '[My aunt said] my parents really needed this and deserved it for raising me [but] I want nothing to do with them'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Sep 18, 2025 12:00 AM EDT

Can you imagine paying your parents rent when you're no longer living with them, simply because they "deserve" it for raising you?

We shouldn't owe our parents for our upbringing. It simply doesn't make sense for us to be indebted to those who brought about our existence and thus chose the responsibility of raising us through our development. There are, of course, exceptions to this, but there seems to be a rising number of stories and accounts from people who claim that they've been asked to repay their parents for the costs incurred during their upbringing.

One such example comes from a viral story where a young adult claimed that their extended family had a tradition of keeping a ledger of everything that had been purchased for each child and then, on their 18th birthday, the newly fledged adult was presented with the total debt that they owed to their parents—a debt they needed to repay. Who knows which of the many versions of this story is real or folk fiction, but they touch on a very poignant issue and raise the question: just what do we owe our parents for our upbringing?

We, of course, will feel gratitude towards our parents for all of the time and energy they invested into giving us the best start in life they possibly could with the circumstances presented to them. And, we will, in time, inevitably be there for them when they need us as family does for each other. However, there will likely never be an instance where that full sum can be considered totaled and repaid in full. And there shouldn't be; Parenthood is an obligation to your child, a chosen responsibility, not a service rendered or a debt to be repaid.

In this story, this 18-year-old woman found herself faced with the troubling decision of whether or not to support her problematic parents at the cost of her own future. This request brought all sorts of feelings and unanswered questions across her family, bringing about debate and drama for the extended family to quarrel over.

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  • [Am I wrong] for telling my parents i will not be helping them with their rent?

    I (18F) moved out of my parent's house a little while ago as soon as i could. To provide some context, my parents have wronged me many times in my life, including threatening to get rid of my dog (which i have a whole post on). Since i moved out, I've been working a job and paying rent for an apartment i
    via Practical-Name6102
  • A young woman gazes straight at the camera with her head resting in one hand and arm on the windowsill
    via Alexander Grey

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • share with my friend and have had enough money left to save up a bit to go to college in a few years. I am the youngest in the family so after i moved out no one was left at home, both my siblings moved out as well. So their financial support from my brother paying them rent for his bedroom has been cut off. I am completely independent and have told my parents multiple times that i want nothing to do with them and even blocked their numbers completely.
    via Practical-Name6102
  • Earlier this week, my grandmother called me and explained that my parents desperately need money for rent and asked if i could spare money from my college savings (which i saved up on my own so far) to help them. I outright refused and told my grandmother I would not be helping at all since every penny in my savings is gathered by me
    via Practical-Name6102
  • working hard and supporting myself. I love my grandmother and told her that if she needed help herself i was willing to help but would not help with my parents. For this entire week, my aunt has been calling me repeatedly saying my parents really needed this and deserved
    via Practical-Name6102
  • it for raising me. My mom's side of the family threatened to cut me off if i didn't help which is honestly so petty because i'm only 18 years old they should be helping instead. I told my friend about it and she said that i was taking it too far and i should've helped. Now im wondering if I am TAH.
    via Practical-Name6102
  • OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the ah le: Not helping my parents with rent should be judged Not considering their financial situation makes me an a hle because they're struggling with it
    via Practical-Name6102
  • A frustrated woman puts her head in her hands face shadowed by the bright light behind her
    via Milad Fakurian

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Available-Love7940 "They deserve it for raising you." Um, no. That's what is legally required. You have children, you raise them. They don't owe you for doing that. Your aunt and your mom's side are all welcome to contribute to the rent if they are so concerned. You? Save up for some therapy as well, and good luck! NTA
    via Practical-Name6102
  • Aintscared61 Never tell anyone you have money saved. This happens. And it really s ks they are trying to make you feel bad. NTA.
    via Practical-Name6102

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