Parents pressure 24-year-old lawyer to live at home and take care of her 4-year-old brother indefinitely: 'I feel obligated to rush home and help my parents.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Sep 12, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

There is no shortage of older siblings who are tasked with the near-constant care of their younger siblings. This is a familiar dynamic in families where both parents work, and they don't have a grandparent, aunt, or uncle who lives nearby and is willing to share the load of babysitting. Just because a lot of families do it doesn't mean it's right. There's a significant difference between an adult child moving back in with their parents to help care for their younger kids out of genuine desire and doing so because they feel they'll be exiled from the family otherwise. 

Young adulthood should not be about finishing the family your parents started. Young adults need that time to find themselves and set up the life that they want to live; otherwise, they'll end up resenting their parents and feeling stuck in that teenage stage of life. Some cultures encourage young adults to live with their parents throughout young adulthood until they get married, and that really works for some families. But I'm of the opinion it only truly works if parents respect that their adult children who are living with them are adults, and not just overgrown children who can be bossed around as such. If they can't do that, their adult children should move out as soon as possible. 

Advertisement

  • The daughter in this story needs to get out of her parents' house as soon as possible for her own sake.

  • Secretary women working in business office
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the bad guy for wanting to move out and leave my parents with more responsibility for my 4-year-old brother?

    I (24F) recently started my career as a lawyer. I make about 67K a year and have about 18K in savings. I live in the suburbs and have an 1 hour commute morning each way to work.
    via u/Zealousideal-Fan2461
  • I live with my parents and the atmosphere has become very toxic. My dad is very controlling and comments for example, on why I work out in the morning before work (working out is honestly what I love the most and mornings feel like the only time I can actually do it).
    via u/Zealousideal-Fan2461
  • Woman in black tank top and leggings doing exercise
    via LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I also have a 4yo little brother who is very demanding. I end up taking on a lot of his care to relive my parents (bath time, diapers, park outings). If I decide to do. something for me (example going to the movies, shopping, spin class, gym) my dad will always find a little something to say to make me feel guilty for doing something for me instead of staying home and help with my brother.
    via u/Zealousideal-Fan2461
  • The problem is, I'm constantly exhausted. My workdays are long-ish and I'd love to have my own space where I can come home, rest, do my own thing in the evening and enjoy my weekends without constant noise or responsibilities. I also sometimes feel like this is holding me back at work, because I can't stay later if needed because I feel obligated to rush home and help my parents.
    via u/Zealousideal-Fan2461
  • At the same time I feel guilty about the idea of leaving them to manage on their own. So AITA if I move out to have my own peace and focus on my career and personal life even if it feels like my parents will have more to handle with my brother ?
    via u/Zealousideal-Fan2461
  • Boy 4-6 kneeling on floor smiling parents sitting in background
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • LiveKindly01 What? You feel guilty about leaving them to 'manage on their own'? These are two grown-ups looking after one 4- year old. Wow, they have totally groomed you to feel guilty for not taking on THEIR responsibilities. This is their child, not yours.
    via u/LiveKindly01
  • I'd start looking for my own space, or with a friend, immediately. You are a working professional now and YOU need time, space, freedom. Go get it. Your parents will be FINE.
    via u/LiveKindly01
  • AnonymousHipopotamu5 It's one kid, and the diaper at 4 means they need to address that too :( Probably some form of toxicity in the home the kids picking up on. People think they are a blank slate and you can say anything they won't notice.
    via u/AnonymousHipopotamu5
  • pgh9fan This is the first thing I noticed too. I'm not surprised they want OP to stay. They're not parenting enough if the little bro is still in diapers at 4. If he's going to school next year they won't accept him and if they do, he'll be ridiculed by his classmates.
    via u/pgh9fan
  • Ok_Rip_6434 If you don't get enough freedom for yourself now you might mistakenly decide you don't want children of your own. Please live the life of a young adult now while you can. Of course they'll be fine without you.
    via u/Ok_Rip_6434
  • H_Lunulata NTA You're an adult with a career. It's time to set out and live your own life. You don't owe your parents an adult babysitter, and you do need your own space.
    via u/H_Lunulata
  • Wise_Session_5370 You seriously feel guilty leaving them to manage their own child? You are not this child's parent and you are not responsible for him (hint: that would be his actual parents - there are two of them).
    via u/Wise_Session_5370
  • You are working very hard to build your career and it sounds like you are doing great. Look after yourself and get the h_l out of there. You are a strong, independent young woman, not a live-in maid. NTA obviously.
    via u/Wise_Session_5370
  • jbarr107 At the same time I feel guilty about the idea of leaving them to manage on their own. They raised you, didn't they? They can raise your younger brother. NTA.
    via u/jbarr107
  • Right_Run_3895 NTA(admittedly this is an American perspective). Your parents made this child, he is ultimately their responsibility.
    via u/Right_Run_3895
  • MystifiedByPeople Yeah, if this is a culture where kids live at home until they marry, it's perhaps a little less crazy. It still seems crazy to have a 24 year old watching a 4 year old when she's old enough to have had that child herself.
    via u/MystifiedByPeople
  • I also wonder if this is a culture where having a son is important, and now that there's a male heir to carry on the family name, then nobody cares of OP gets married and has kids, but they care that she's around to help with the son.
    via u/MystifiedByPeople
  • Agitated-Ladder-5415 NTA. even without the little brother factor, you're going to want to move closer to work to reduce your commute. DO NOT ASK your parents' permission for this. You can mention it in conversation but you don't need them to tell you it's okay. Do the leg work, get a place lined up, sign a contract you can't get out of, and then INFORM (again, don't ask) them that you're moving to be closer to your job.
    via u/Agitated-Ladder-5415
  • Shutupandplayball NTA - completely agree! Girl, get out of that house and go create a life that is what you want it to be!! Your little brother is not your child, he is their responsibility, and you do not owe your parents anything. Just do it, ignore their guilt trips, you will be much happier.
    via u/Shutupandplayball
  • dncrmom Unless you had an unplanned pregnancy 4 years ago & your parents adopted your child then, NTA. You are 24 yo, go live your life. The commute alone is enough reason to move out.
    via u/dncrmom
  • Harde_Kassei i'd suggest you try to cohouse closer to work with peers. (finished students or phd-students). it will be vastly more fun in every way you can think off. you have the social of a house, some chores, but none of the parental crop. and its affordable.
    via u/Harde_Kassei
  • Mansegate Definitely NTA. How old are your parents? I'm guessing your mother, at least, is in her early 40s? Two parents, both probably fit & active, one small child, no indication of special needs, child presumably heading off to school maybe next year. They've got it easy. (Possibly too easy, if they've allowed a "demanding" child to develop, but that's their look-out-poor kid, though.) Move out, enjoy your life. Good luck.
    via u/Mansegate

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

babysitter lawyer brother siblings bad parenting reddit story bad parents parenting babysitting dad sister Reddit mom Parenting Fail parents Parenting FAILS
Scroll Down For The Next Article