17-year-old daughter refuses to let mom's husband adopt her, mom blames her when he files for divorce: ‘You need to make it up to him so he wouldn't go through with the divorce’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Sep 14, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

"You can't choose your family" is a phrase that usually gets thrown around when talking about the family one is born into. You can't choose who gave birth to you, or who your siblings are; that's your family, whether you like it or not. 

But that phrase also has another side of the coin, a side that many people fail to understand: You can't really choose who sees you as family either. Even if the familial relationship is there, you can't force yourself to be anyone's family if they don't see you as one, as much as you might want it.

Take the family in the story below as an example. Mom married someone when her daughter was 10 years old, but the daughter never accepted him as her family. She had a dad, and she is not interested in replacing him. The husband, however, wants to be considered part of her family, and without it, he doesn't really want to keep the marriage going.

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  • The family is now falling apart, and Mom blames her daughter for refusing to accept her husband as her new dad. Keep scrolling to read the full tale.

  • 01
    Sad teen daughter sitting on a couch while parents argue in the background
    via Nikodash

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    AITA for ruining my mom's marriage?

    My mom blames me for her husband filing for divorce. They got married when I (17f) was 10.
    via SoySothing
  • 03
    He wanted kids but mom couldn't have more so he decided he would be fine being my dad.
    via SoySothing
  • 04
    Only I never saw or accepted him as my dad. I had a dad and he d d. But he was still my dad.
    via SoySothing
  • 05
    Not someone who married my mom when I was 10. We got along okay. It disappointed him whenever I said no to him adopting me or when I used his first name instead of calling him dad.
    via SoySothing
  • 06
    He called me his daughter and I hated it but never said anything. So he kept calling me his and I'd always correct people calling him my dad.
    via SoySothing
  • 07
    I thought that would tell him nothing was changing on my side. But a few months ago for school I did a project for art on my parents and I did mom and dad.
    via SoySothing
  • 08
    It wasn't supposed to be seen by anyone else and didn't think it would turn into breakdown but my teacher emailed it to my mom and he saw it too.
    via SoySothing
  • 09
    She was saying how talented I was and she thought mom should encourage my art more.
    via SoySothing
  • 10
    But seeing that was like the final straw for him. He told mom he couldn't live without being a parent and he thought he could be mine but I had never given him that chance.
    via SoySothing
  • 11
    He said he wasn't going to wait around for me to maybe feel different at 40.
    via SoySothing
  • 12
    He said being 51 he could still find a woman who'll give him kids of his own and he left mom and filed for divorce.
    via SoySothing
  • 13
    When he was going he told me he hoped I'd regret rejecting him some day because I had no idea how good I could've had it.
    via SoySothing
  • 14
    Ever since my mom has blamed me. She told me I needed to make it up to him so he wouldn't go through with the divorce but I told her I wasn't lying to get him back.
    via SoySothing
  • 15
    She said he's been around almost as long as dad was in my life and he would've been around to see me get married and give my future kids a grandpa and now there's nobody.
    via SoySothing
  • 16
    She asked me who I'd call my father figure now. I told her I never called him my father figure and it was always my grandpas who got the title.
    via SoySothing
  • 17
    Mom said the fact I'd fight her after ruining her marriage showed how little I care about her.
    via SoySothing
  • 18
    I told her I love her and it's why I tried to get along with him. I told her it's not like I wanted someone else when dad d d but I knew she did so I accepted him into the household but I would never let someone be my dad so they'd be her husband.
    via SoySothing
  • 19
    She claimed I was making excuses and should feel more shame for ruining such a good thing.
    via SoySothing
  • 20
    Sad teen daughter sitting on a couch while parents argue in the background
    via Nikodash

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 21
    BeeEnvironmental6299 Did he love your mom or did he want a baby incubator? Their marriage issues have nothing to do with you.
    via BeeEnvironmental6299
  • 22
    OP SoySothing I do think he loved mom, but I think he loved his wish of being a dad more.
    via SoySothing
  • 23
    Strange_Detective626 NTA it honestly sounds like your mom dodged a bullet, but I am sorry she doesn't see it that way.
    via Strange_Detective626
  • 24
    OP SoySothing I don't think she'll ever feel that way. She loved him and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.
    via SoySothing
  • 25
    Pale-Cress I know these roads are really hard. But did they look into adopting? Surrogacy? Anything else but putting that weight on your shoulders? I'm 44 years old my mom d d in 03. Been with my fiancee for almost 24 years. I still call his mom Mrs. She's said I can call her mom but I just can't give that title to anyone else. She understands. And before anyone says well that's not a step parent. Yeah I have one of those too dad cheated on my mom they divorced he married the AP. No way in heck
    via Pale-Cress
  • 26
    OP SoySothing If they looked into that stuff | never knew about it. But I don't think they were looking at different options.
    via SoySothing
  • 27
    Friendly Mum NTA their marriage ended up being centered around you without your consent. Your mom and him are TA's. Your mom need therapy, she can't use you as a bargain chip in her marriage and she's lucky that's ALL he wanted as a lot of nasty men get into relationships with single moms to access their kids for more nefarious reasons. And jokes on this idiot. He's very unlikely to find someone willing at 51 to procreate unless he's got a tonne of money they can inherit and the woman realises s
    via FriendlyMum
  • 28
    OP SoySothing He's not super wealthy but he does have money that would draw some people.
    via SoySothing
  • 29
    FlexS t There is something wrong with a person who spends more time on the relationship with the kid than with their literal romantic partner. Why wasn't being your stepdad enough for him? Why did he let that break down his marriage, the primary relationship? It makes me question his actual motives.
    via FlexS**t
  • 30
    OP SoySothing He wanted to be a dad. That was like his biggest wish for his life. With me not accepting him like that I think it just came down to he loved his dream of fatherhood more than he loved mom. Because he and I weren't super close and he wasn't getting the experience of being a dad with me.
    via SoySothing
  • 31
    BadMom2Trans OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. It's easier for your mom and SD to blame you than for them to realize they never should have stayed together. If he really wanted kids, he shouldn't have married her. They were fooling themselves and trying to pretend they could make it work.
    via BadMom2Trans
  • 32
    NTA thirdtryisthecharm This is something they needed to resolve among themselves.
    via thirdtryisthecharm

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family drama aita marriage adoption kids mother wife reddit story parenting husband divorce family Reddit parents children Father
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