'He pulled the plug... I'd already used my quota for the week': Wife with cooking hobby threatens to move out after husband demands she doesn't use the oven more than twice a week

One of the key parts of maintaining a happy, committed relationship is being one hundred percent honest with yourself about which of your partner's quirks and downsides you can tolerate, and which are not acceptable to you. None of us is the perfect package, so it is only fair to give some grace to the person you are in a relationship with, where appropriate.

However, there can be a fine line between an irritating habit and something that genuinely has a significant negative impact on your life. On top of that, it is possible for something that started off as a harmless annoyance to grow into a much larger issue. Even in the most blissful of relationships, it is important to be vigilant about behaviors that may cause problems further down the line. You never know when they might present an inconvenient or unpleasant surprise that complicates life with your partner.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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  • In this story, a wife felt totally overwhelmed when the interests her husband had had throughout the duration of their relationship turned into an unhealthy obsession. A passion for technology had snowballed into a preoccupation with reducing household energy consumption, becoming focused on not using their oven more than twice a week.

    His wife loved to cook, so this obsession presented obvious issues in that it interfered with both her passion and her everyday life. After multiple instances of him unplugging the appliance so that it wouldn't get used, she threatened to move in with her sister—but she wasn't sure if she was overreacting.

  • 01
    a woman looks inside a kitchen cupboard
    via Alireza heidarpour

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • 02

    Am I wrong for threatening to move out because my husband won’t let me use the oven more than twice in a week?

    My (33F) husband (34M) and I have been married for 8 years. He's truly a loving, kind man that I love. It's not that divorce is on the table we have a good life together. But he has recently developed some really weird habits that are driving me up the wall.
    via aura_kai
  • 03
    He's always been interested in tech and science, and he sometimes becomes enamored of particular notions. A few months ago, he got obsessed with the amount that electricity was costing him and how "wasteful" appliances are. He's taken a particular shine to our oven. He argues that to use it more than twice a week would be "irresponsible" for the planet and our bills.
    via aura_kai
  • 04
    I love to cook. It's my primary way to de-stress after work. I like to bake bread, roast vegetables and test new recipes. But now he gets annoyed with me if I use the oven any time other than his "schedule." He unplugs it when I'm not even supposed to be using the thing.
    via aura_kai
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  • 05
    a woman stirs a pot on a stove
    via Alireza heidarpour

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    I laughed it off at first and dismissed it as a phase. But last week, for instance, I was baking cookies for our kids' school fund-raiser, and when we were halfway through he pulled the plug on the batch a ruined one now that even he refused to eat and announced I'd "already used up my oven quota for the week." I was livid.
    via aura_kai
  • 07
    We had a huge fight. I said I can't live like this and if he keeps policing my cooking, I will move in with my sister for a bit. He told me I was being dramatic and that I should "respect the planet more."I explained, I said to him: I honour the planet where it needs to be honoured, but your recipe will not dictate when my husband or anyone else wants me to cook in my own home.
    via aura_kai
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  • 08
    I feel bad for running it up, he really is such a great partner outside of this. But I think I'm also losing my mind here. So, AIO for threatening to move out over his oven obsession?
    via aura_kai
  • 09
    closeup of a person's arms reaching into an oven to put a baking tray inside
    via Drazen Nesic (Unsplash+)
  • 10

    Commenters agreed that the husband had a problem.

    blueswan6 NOR His behavior is controlling, dictating when you can use your own oven and unplugging it mid-use crosses a serious boundary. It could also signal a mental health issue or anxiety, and finances may be part of it. Sometimes people fixate on small things like electricity to feel in control of money or resources. If you have access to your finances you should look those over.
    via blueswan6
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  • 11
    If this is really about "saving the planet," it's hypocritical. There are likely far more harmful things he does that he isn't restricting like driving or travelling. You have a right to set boundaries. Suggest he talk to a therapist, and make it clear that concern for the environment or money shouldn't take over your home life. You have a right to live in your home and cook freely.
    via blueswan6
  • 12
    Spare_Philosopher351 We are not going to save the planet by using our oven less. I get that climate change is scary, and our lack of control over it even more so, but to fix anything we need corporations to change their actions. Any single home being more responsible with their energy is not going to make a difference. Putting good people in office in your local area is what will actually help.
    via Spare_Philosopher351
  • 13
    Try to get his focus on that, if he can be a obsessive about choosing and campaigning for good people to chair your local boards, they will initiate better practices on a wider scale than any one person can manage. Eventually that will lead to better people in Congress and the House, or at least more pressure on them to do what's right.
    via Spare_Philosopher351
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  • 14
    Ok_Definition1620 Sounds like very bizarre, specific controlling behaviour. I would tell him that he needs to focus on himself and what he can do to reduce his own carbon footprint and whatnot first and foremost, and that he can't expect you to give up your joy and hobby and not cook food or cook when the kids need it and excuse it with some notion of "respecting the planet".
    via Ok_Definition1620
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    No wonder you feel like you're going crazy, he's inducing it in you by being completely unreasonable.
    via Ok_Definition1620
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    Nicolozolo Did something stressful or traumatic happen recently around the time this behavior started? Has he had any other weird or unusual preoccupations? Because this sounds abnormal and sudden, which could indicate a mental health issue. Like ocd, or stress or something. Not diagnosing, but he could need to speak to a professional about this mindset if it's gotten bad enough for you to consider moving out of your own home.
    via Nicolozolo
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  • 17
    allegedlydm "He really is such a great partner outside of this (“this” being that he is so controlling that he was willing to unplug the oven while I was using it, ruin something I was doing for our child, and then call me dramatic for thinking I have the right to decide when I use the appliances in my own home)."
    via allegedlydm
  • 18
    velvetmistys NOR he sounds very controlling and manipulative and dictating when you can or can't use your own oven and then he unplugging it mid-use is out of bounds for me. I don't really think this is about "saving the planet", there's something more to it and you have to confront him about it. But overall his behaviour is out of grounds and he needs to change.
    via velvetmistys
  • 19
    lucystentyx Control freak behavior. Tell him to start taking the bus to work if he cares about the environment, got a feeling he'll change his tune then.
    via lucystentyx
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  • 20
    thelesserbabka Has he had a stroke recently? This is insane behavior. He has no business policing what you do in your home. NOR
    via thelesserbabka_
  • 21
    elly_bluu No, you're not overreacting, and honestly your frustration is completely valid.
    via elly_bluu
  • 22
    Tea-Investigator1985 Does he realize how irresponsible it is to eat out that much, for your wallet and your health? I also think this is about control not the planet. If it was about the planet he would feel this way about wasting the ingredients he pulled the plug on or the food he won't eat.
    via Tea-Investigator1985
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