‘I’m burned out’: Wife refuses to host Thanksgiving dinner for husband's entire family after years of doing all the work herself, he blames her for ruining family tradition

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Sep 22, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Every big family knows how taxing Thanksgiving dinner can be to those who host. 

My grandmother always invites the entire family over. We're talking cooking for and hosting over 30 people for a huge dinner, all by herself. Every year, we try to convince her to let someone else host the dinner so she can relax and enjoy the holiday, and every year, she refuses.

We will never stop offering to help, though, because that is what family is for. We all want to have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and if one of us can contribute and help out, why wouldn't they offer?

Unfortunately, that is not the case for the family in the story below. The responsibility of hosting Thanksgiving dinner for the family of 25+ people all falls on one woman. And this year, she decided she is not going to do it. When she informed her husband that she refuses to host this year, he accused her of embarrassing him, instead of actually offering to help…

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  • If 25+ people can invite themselves over for dinner, you would think at least one of them would offer to host the dinner instead. Will that happen, though?

    Keep scrolling to read the full story and decide for yourself.

  • 01
    "If you want to host, you can do the planning, shopping, and cooking"
    via Comstock Images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    AITJ for telling my husband I won’t host Thanksgiving for his entire family this year?

    My husband (34M) and I (33F) usually host Thanksgiving. His family is huge, cousins, uncles, aunts, it ends up being 25+ people.
    via DemiHugBug
  • 03
    Normally I handle most of the cooking and prep, because he works long hours. This year, I'm burned out.
    via DemiHugBug
  • 04
    I told him I don't want to host, I suggested his mom or one of his sisters take it on.
    via DemiHugBug
  • 05
    He got really defensive, said his family "expects it at our house" and it would be "embarrassing" to change it up.
    via DemiHugBug
  • 06
    I stood firm and said, "If you want to host, you can do the planning, shopping, and cooking." He said I was being "unreasonable" and "punishing his family" over my mood.
    via DemiHugBug
  • 07
    Now he's sulking and acting like I'm ruining a family tradition. I don't think it's fair to be obligated to host every single year, especially when it drains me.
    via DemiHugBug
  • 08
    AITJ for putting my foot down about not hosting Thanksgiving this year?
    via DemiHugBug
  • 09
    James T3R9 Not the j . It is unfair to expect someone to take that on every year. It is fair for others to take a shot
    via JamesT3R9
  • 10
    Cheezburger Image 10556413952
    via pixelshot

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 11
    High Desert7100 His sulking is manipulation. If you cave in to manipulation it is an invitation to him to use that tactic more and more. Just say no, you can't do it this year. Don't allow it to turn into an argument. Tell him it won't be embarrassing because you will message or talk to every one of them yourself and explain nicely that you can't do Thanksgiving this year because you are tired and burned out. Normal people will understand and maybe come up with an alternative idea. People who wa
    via HighDesert7100
  • 12
    lantana98 So he'd rather punish you, his wife than his extended family? If anything, he is blowing this waaay out of proportion. You not hosting does not mean the end of tradition or Thanksgiving. It means it's someone else's turn. You done a nice thing, you didn't sign a contract for life. I'm sure there are capable adults in his family who own an oven and know how to use it. It's your turn to be hosted and enjoy a few drinks and a meal!
    via lantana98
  • 13
    Placebored59 No, HE expects it at your house. The family needs to do big gatherings in a rotation and everyone contributes.
    via Placebored59
  • 14
    HuckleberryVarious42 You should send a message to the entire family and just say, I am not up for hosting this year, who would like to volunteer?
    via HuckleberryVarious42
  • 15
    Flipper_Lou Totally understand. I've been in your shoes and it was fun but exhausting. You can kindly but firmly say that you need a break and that you aren't doing it this year. They can all figure it out. Glad that you are giving yourself the grace to take a break. We all have to do that from time to time.
    via Flipper_Lou
  • 16
    Fun Ideal_5584 His family and his want. Let him take on much of the burden.
    via Fun_Ideal_5584
  • 17
    Commercial_Wind8212 at 33 years old this can't be a familiy tradition. lol. tell him to schedule PTO and you'll supervise
    via Commercial_Wind8212
  • 18
    Alibeee64 Go visit your family for Thanksgiving this year. If he really wants to host his family, he'll figure it out on his own. Another option would be to make it a potluck. Everyone contributes something or it doesn't happen. And make sure they tell you what they're bringing ahead of time so you don't end up with 15 dozen dinner rolls and 10 bottles of cheap wine.
    via Alibeee64

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family drama aita cooking thanksgiving mother work wife reddit story relationships husband dinner host family family dinner Reddit women
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