Daughter refuses to care for elderly father who abandoned her when she was 4 years old, his family members insist that she is his only hope: 'I don't owe this man anything'

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Sep 26, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

The absence of a parent is a wound that never really heals, even if life finds a way to move forward without them. When the people who are supposed to be there for you make the choice to walk away, it can be incredibly difficult to forgive them. If that parent suddenly reappears years later, it can be jarring – especially if they show up without an apology and with demands instead.

One woman grew up with a single mom after her dad walked out on them when she was just four years old. She never got any calls, visits, or child support; he simply vanished and went on to build another family instead. Decades later, that same father is sick, broke, and facing eviction, and his relatives have turned to her as his "only hope." But after a lifetime of neglect, she isn't too keen on stepping in now. Instead, she's left to confront how little she actually owes the man who abandoned her, and whether choosing herself over him makes her heartless or simply fair.

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to take in my elderly father, who abandoned me as a child, even though my family says I'm his only hope?

    A woman and elderly man walk in a park
    via Africa images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I grew up without a father. He walked out on my mom and me when I was 4 years old. No calls, no visits, no child support, just
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  • 03
    disappeared. My mom worked herself to the bone to raise me, and honestly, she was both parents in one. I've always
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    admired her for that. When I was around 16, I found out he had remarried and had other kids. He never once reached out to me,
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  • 05
    not even a birthday card. I built my life without him, and I never expected anything from him.
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  • 06
    A woman embraces her daughter
    via The Carlos Gutierrez Collection

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    I recently got a call from one of his relatives saying my father is very ill, broke, and about to be evicted from his place.
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  • 08
    Apparently, none of his other kids or family members can take him in, so they're looking at me as his only hope. He stopped being my
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  • 09
    father the day he chose to abandon me. Why should I sacrifice my peace, money, and home for a man who never gave me a second thought? So i
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  • 10
    refused to take him in. I said he has other kids, other family, and that he made his choices. After all the struggles my mom went after he left us, I don't see him as my father anymore.
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  • She has no relationship with this man whatsoever; it's like she says, she owes him nothing!

  • 11
    I don't want to be seen as cruel, but deep down, I don't owe this man anything.
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  • 12
    So AITA for refusing to take in my father when he never once acted like one to me?
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  • 13
    An elderly man in a hospital with family visiting him
    via KatarzynaBialasiewicz from Getty Images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    thickhipstightlips NTA. Funny how his family contacts you when they need something. Tell them you have no dad and to send him to a home.
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  • 15
    TootsieFerret OP Right? Nobody's called me for decades, but suddenly I'm the go to when he needs help. Feels pretty telling. A home honestly sounds like the best and fairest option at this point.
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  • 16
    bino0526 They are asking you to take in a stranger. You don't know him, just like he does not know you. You have no obligation to care for him.
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    Make sure that they don't know where you live. They may drop him on your doorstep. If they contact you
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    again, just tell them NO, that the only suggestion that you have is to place him in a home wherever he lives.
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  • I'm not sure what weird Hallmark movie this guy's family is living in, but this is their responsibility. If a parent wants care in their old age, they need to care for their kids first. 

  • 19
    Obsidian-Charm Dude, NTA! U don't owe this guy squat. He peaced out when u needed him most, now he's gotta deal with the aftermath of his decisions. Ngl, this is karma at its finest. Stay solid, bro. You're not cruel, just being real.
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  • 20
    TootsieFerret OP Facts. I've been wrestling with guilt, but honestly you're right, this is just the result of his own choices. If anything, it's karma catching up. Thanks for reminding me I'm not being cruel, just real about the situation.
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  • 21
    An elderly man sitting on the edge of his bed looking morose
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 22
    Global-System-3158 You are not being cruel, you are honouring your mother. What a slap in the face it would be to her can not be understated.
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  • 23
    CelticHipi1616 Tell him if he remembers what day is your bday, you'll gladly do it. ;)
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  • 24
    He made it clear you weren't family, as did they. And now, they want family treatment for him? NTA.
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  • 25
    It's so heartbreaking seeing folks struggling with guilt over something a saint wouldn't do.
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  • 26
    TootsieFerret OP Exactly, if he couldn't even be bothered to know the basics about me growing up, why am I suddenly the family now? The guilt still creeps in, but you're right, even a saint wouldn't sign up for this. Thanks for the perspective.
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  • 27
    West-Improvement2449 Nta. It would be a disrespect to your mother to help him. After He abandoned you. He has other family. Other kids. They dont want to take him in either
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family drama entitled parents fatherhood childhood relationships parenting dad adulthood family single mom relationship drama parents entitled people
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