‘He chose her over us’: 16-year-old daughter refuses to check on father's pregnant partner during her mother's custody weeks, citing her father's affair with the woman going back 4+ years

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Oct 1, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Children are often expected to assume the role of an adult in their personal family structures, and this is especially the case when a parent is trying to punish them for having normal reactions to unpleasant situations.

Why is an actual adult inciting a reaction from a child in the first place? This type of behavior only stokes the flame of a child's unpleasantries and, in turn, forces the child to withdraw and rebel even further.

Witnessing a divorce as the result of a marital affair is not easy on anyone, let alone a child. In the same way that one spouse is betrayed, the child is as well; No amount of apologetic rhetoric or promises of a better relationship will mend the injury of betrayal. Forgiveness does not equal forgetfulness, and the teen in this next story is living proof of that.

The teen's father, who cheated on her mother for several years before unveiling the truth because of his affair partner's pregnancy, expects his daughter to check up on his pregnant partner. The father, who is clearly audacious in nature, fails to realize that the teen does not owe his affair partner anything, especially during the weeks she stays at her mother's. If she had it her way, she'd never see her father again. Scroll to read the full story.

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  • "On mom's time he can't make me but even on his time I just stay out after school."
    via Curated Lifestyle For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • "AITA because I won't go to my dad's house during mom's custody weeks to check in on his pregnant wife?"

    I think my dad's being an AH about everything but I want to be sure people don't think I'm one too.
    via Izzlyyyy
  • My dad cheated on my mom with his wife Lou. They had an affair for four or five years or something crazy like that. Lou was
    via Izzlyyyy
  • engaged to someone else when she was having the affair with my dad too and Lou got pregnant which is why they told my mom and Lou's fiance. They
    via Izzlyyyy
  • thought dad was the father of Lou's kid but he wasn't. Lou's ex didn't want to be involved in the baby's life after his life imploded so my dad adopted Lou's baby and raises her as his kid.
    via Izzlyyyy
  • Dad already has me (16f) and my brother (19) from his marriage to mom. We don't like dad after everything that happened.
    via Izzlyyyy
  • He chose her over us a lot during the affair because times he said he'd come to my shows or my brother's games he would miss them. He wasn't
    via Izzlyyyy
  • around on weekends to see us either. He covered by saying he was working extra hours now and needed to because things. were getting so expensive.
    via Izzlyyyy
  • Mom believed him too. It sucked at the time not having him there and even for our birthdays he was a no show those years.
    via Izzlyyyy
  • It was worse when we found out why. He didn't just hurt mom but he abandoned us for someone else. I think the
    via Izzlyyyy
  • two of them are wh do stuff like that and I s to called them both that to their faces before which my dad didn't like.
    via Izzlyyyy
  • young teen girl irritated at her parents, signifying rebellion
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • What I hate the most is I have to keep going to his house every other week until I turn 18. My mom
    via Izzlyyyy
  • and brother tried to get custody to change so he could stop going and it didn't work and mom and I tried a few times too. Even
    via Izzlyyyy
  • at 16 they won't listen to me and accept I don't want to see dad. Mom was threatened by a judge with a loss of custody and maybe jail if she didn't. comply and make me go and stay there. Dad was warned of the same thing.
    via Izzlyyyy
  • My brother tried to push against it once anyway and dad called the cops and it was a whole scene until my brother gave in. It's bulls honestly.
    via Izzlyyyy
  • And if I spend all my time doing other stuff my dad takes my stuff away for his week and tries to ground me.
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  • Dad and Lou only considered stopping the fight for custody because me and my brother don't treat Lou's kid like a sibling and I don't help them with her. I don't
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  • spend any time with the kid and I'm not polite to dad or Lou. In family therapy I told them I would never be a family with them and I was going no contact like my brother has.
    via Izzlyyyy
  • That's all the background but there's something else. Lou has epilepsy and she's pregnant and there have been some issues since she got pregnant
    via Izzlyyyy
  • this time and she had to stop working and take it easy and they have a nurse that checks on her and dad calls. But dad
    via Izzlyyyy
  • said the nurse don't come often enough for him and he wants me to check on Lou and make sure she's okay and I refuse to do it.
    via Izzlyyyy
  • On mom's time he can't make me but even on his time I just stay out after school. My dad told me it was dangerous to have nobody checking on her and I told him I didn't care
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  • and he was asking the wrong person to care. My dad said I can hate them but should want them alive and healthy. And so I don't go. Does that make me TA?
    via Izzlyyyy
  • For people who ask my brother doesn't go either and he was asked too.
    via Izzlyyyy
  • atmasabr NTA. That's his job. Not yours.
    via atmasabr
  • Bubbly_Chicken_9358 You are a child. They won't even allow you to make the decision about how much time you spend with your father. Why on earth. would they then decide you were responsible enough to care for a pregnant woman with a high risk pregnancy and other medical concerns? NTA.
    via Bubbly_Chicken_9358

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