22-year-old daughter refuses to give stepmom, formerly her father's affair partner, a ticket to her college graduation because she only wants those ‘important’ to her to attend: ‘It was my graduation and I was going to be selfish about it’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
May 24, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Graduating from college is no easy feat. College is a new world and is quite difficult to adapt to when you're coming from high school immediately before, but once you've done it, it seems like you were made to be an academic. Naturally, you want to share this major achievement with your closest family and friends. After all, you've gained the bragging rights, but you don't want the special day to be soured by someone who has the potential to easily ruin it by looking at you the wrong way. Since you're the one graduating, you decide who you want to share the milestone with, period.

The college graduate in this next story explains that she lied about the number of tickets she had so her stepmother wouldn't attend her college graduation ceremony. Truthfully, when she was only put in the position to lie once her grandmother kept insisting the woman invite her stepmother, whom she doesn't hate but would prefer to keep at a distance. Scroll to read the full story below. 

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  • One small detail, though: The woman's stepmother was formerly her father's affair partner. This sets the tone of their relationship negatively, even if the woman is not malicious toward her. People make their own choices, and they'll have to face their consequences. In this story's case, she missed her stepdaughter's graduation.

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITAH for not wanting my stepmom at my college graduation"

    1 (22f) didn't want my stepmom at my college graduation, not because I hate her, but because I assumed there was a limited number of tickets. When my older
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  • sister (26f) graduated, each person was only allowed four tickets, so I assumed it would be the same way because my college hadn't said anything. different. Four tickets would be
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  • enough for me because I only cared about my mom, dad, sister, and grandma being there. I talked to my mom and sister about who I would invite if I only had four tickets and they all agreed it made sense. However, my dad didn't agree.
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  • He mentioned if that if my grandma (his mom) didn't feel comfortable coming because she's immuno-compromised, then I could give my last ticket to his new wife. He only got married
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  • to her recently (within the last five years), and she's the woman he cheated on my mom with, so there's not much of a relationship there. I don't have anything.
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  • against her, but we just don't have any interest in getting to know each other. Because of that, I felt it was weird to have my dad suggest that my grandma
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  • (who lives with unvaccinated people and has been to other public events) wouldn't want to come to my graduation and I should invite his new wife instead.
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  • Assuming she would agree that she was coming to my graduation, I called my grandma to confirm it. However, she told me I should invite my stepmom
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  • instead. I was extremely surprised and told her that wouldn't be happening. I didn't know my stepmom very well, so it was more important to me that my only living grandparent was there.
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  • My grandma started crying, saying she felt like I was punishing my dad and being vindictive for getting remarried. This surprised and upset me.
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    via Artem Labunsky for Unsplash

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Other than the first Christmas he went public with his girlfriend (now my stepmom) after divorcing my mom, my sister and I hadn't said anything bad to or about our stepmom. My sister
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  • said she wouldn't feel comfortable with his girlfriend being there, as we'd only met her once and knew about the cheating, so she wanted it to just
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  • be family. My dad agreed. Later, we realized he and our family (including our grandma) had been lying to us when the girlfriend showed up with her kid.
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  • I pointed this out to my grandma, saying everyone in our family knew that my dad picked his new girlfriend over his kids, and that we still did everything he wanted
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  • us to do with her, so he wasn't being punished. We were both crying at this point. I said she was being unfair, and, even if she didn't want to come, I wasn't going to invite my stepmom. I
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  • wanted it to be people who were important to me there. She said she'd talk to my dad about it. I also called my dad, who started crying when I told him I wanted my grandma there, and he talked
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  • about how much it hurt him that I didn't want my stepmom there. I told him it wasn't about my stepmom, it was about my grandma seeing me graduate, but it was my graduation and I was going to be selfish about it.
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  • My graduation happened recently, and my grandma came. After the whole issue, I learned I could invite up to eight people, but I was feeling annoyed and vindictive, so I didn't tell my dad or grandma that. Instead, I lied to
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  • them and said I could only invite four. I also lied to my dad about requesting an extra ticket for my stepmom. It was the right call-- my graduation was extremely stressful for me already without her being there. I talked to my
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  • mom, sister, and roommate about it after the issue started and they agreed I wasn't in the wrong. Still, after my dad and grandma made such a big deal of it, and lying about it after, I still feel weird about it. AITH?
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  • CatJarmansPants It's not lying, it's using carefully considered words, and silences, to manage an otherwise potentially difficult situation.
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  • You didn't want her there - even if you had a thousand tickets you wouldn't have given her one - so, four, eight, or 97, it didn't matter. You used a reasonable excuse as an alternative to telling someone a potentially hurtful truth - everyone accepted it, no feelings were bent, everyone went on their way. NTA.
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  • big_skep NTA. Graduating is a huge accomplishment (congrats) and you're allowed to invite who you wanna invite. Be selfish! Besides that, I hope you had a great time
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family dynamics family drama entitled parents graduation entitlement blended family reddit story family feud parenting entitled family reddit thread parent Reddit Parenting Fail college parents entitled people Parenting FAILS
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