‘She cried… was [I] too harsh?’: 69-year-old mom caught wracking up more credit card debt after spending 3 years paying off her past crippling debt, daughter who helped her finally snaps

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Oct 2, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

When it comes to family issues, they can be about all kinds of things. Money tends to be a big one, however. But that's not just with families! Money issues can arise anywhere. In the case of this family, it is appearing with the senior citizen mother. The daughter, who is grown, and married with her own children, came to her mom's aid. The credit card debt that her 69-year-old mom had wracked up was crippling. She had to move in with her adult daughter and her family for three years just to work on paying it off. Finally, when it was paid off, her daughter helped her move into a low income senior facility and start getting back on her own two feet. 

 

However, she recently caught her mom frivolously spending again and that was the final straw. She blew up at her mom so much, that she made her cry. However, her mom was paying off her credit card, but it wasn't enough. But now she is feeling guilty for making her cry… Is this manipulation? 

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  • credit card debt, mother, mother-in-law, budgeting
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  • "AITA for refusing to acknowledge my mom’s $300 Visa payment and making her cry?"

    So, backstory: about 10 years ago my mom (now 69) had racked up a massive amount of credit card debt.
    via ArtisticGarden8705
  • She was unemployed, facing eviction, and in a really bad spot. At the time I couldn't afford to help pay her bills, so instead I moved her into my house with me, my husband, and our two kids.
    via ArtisticGarden8705
  • We sold most of her stuff to help pay things down. For 6 years she lived with us rent- free.
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  • We covered her groceries, utilities, and basically everything. Every cent she got from the government went straight toward her debt.
    via ArtisticGarden8705
  • It wasn't easy, but eventually, she paid it all off. Once she was debt-free, I helped get her onto social assistance and into low-income senior housing.
    via ArtisticGarden8705
  • She's been on her own for about 3 years now. I still have access to her accounts, mostly just to keep an eye on things and make sure she stays stable.
    via ArtisticGarden8705
  • credit card debt, mother, mother-in-law, budgeting
    via Unsplash+ (and Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The mom is still trying her hardest, but it is clear she has a spending problem. What would you do if you were the grown daughter of a mom like this?

  • Recently, I got a notification that her Visa was over the limit. This card was only supposed to be for emergencies, but when I looked at her statement, it was full of stuff like mobile games, restaurants, and random purchases.
    via ArtisticGarden8705
  • Nothing necessary. I called her to talk about it. I told her I couldn't help her anymore and that she'd have to figure it out on her own.
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  • (To be clear: she never asked me for money. She said she'd handle it.) But she got really upset when I refused to acknowledge that she had made a $300 payment on the card.
    via ArtisticGarden8705
  • She started crying, saying she is trying, and I still shut her down because I was frustrated and didn't want to give her credit for backsliding again.
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  • Now I feel conflicted. On one hand, I've already sacrificed so much for years to help her, and I can't keep bailing her out.
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  • On the other hand, she's 69, she cried, and I do feel like maybe I was too harsh in that moment by not giving her any acknowledgment for at least paying something.
    via ArtisticGarden8705
  • So... AITA for refusing to acknowledge her payment and making her cry?
    via ArtisticGarden8705

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spending drama credit card money troubles mother budgeting motherhood grown daughter parenting debt family daughter budget parents
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