25-year-old boyfriend refuses to pay 22-year-old girlfriend's $70K per year college tuition, turns her nose up at his offer of $20K per year: 'She says I'm being unsupportive'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Oct 11, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

You need to think long and hard about giving thousands of dollars to someone. I don't care if you believe they are the love of your life…anyone receiving thousands of dollars from someone else is not going to have the same kind of relationship with them as they would with somebody they have no financial strings attached to. There are relationships where both parties know the only reason they're together is that one is giving the other an exorbitant amount of money, and both are okay with that. But unless you really know a person, you don't know how your relationship is going to fare once a great deal of cash is involved. 

If you wouldn't be financially okay if you took $20K out of your bank account and set it on fire, you have no business giving your girlfriend, boyfriend, sister, or mother $20K as a gift. It doesn't matter if that money is going towards something important or valuable. Once you give it away, you don't have any say in what happens to it, regardless of your relationship with the person. 

Advertisement
  • Frustrated sad girlfriend sit on bed with her boyfriend who she's having an argument with
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The young man in this story is in a sticky situation with his girlfriend. She wants him to pay $70K a year for her to do a Master's program at New York University. NYU is one of the most expensive public universities in the country, and if she wanted to go to a cheaper school, her boyfriend's offer of $20 per year would go a lot further.

  • Am I the bad guy for not funding my girlfriend's dream school?

    I (25M) have been dating my girlfriend Sarah (22F) for about two years. She's incredibly smart and ambitious, and I really admire that about her. Recently, she got accepted to NYU for her master's program, which has always been her dream school. The problem is, the tuition is around $70,000 per year.
    via u/ShrillyCarefree
  • West 4th street on New York University's campus in Greenwich Village New York City
    via Jeremy Huang

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I'm in a decent financial position I work in tech and make good - money, but I'm not wealthy by any means. I've been saving up and told Sarah early on that I'd be happy to help with her education costs up to about $20,000 a year. I thought this was generous and would cover a significant portion of tuition at most state schools or help with living expenses.
    via u/ShrillyCarefree
  • When she got the NYU acceptance, she was over the moon and immediately started talking about how we could make it work financially. She assumed I would cover the full tuition since I had offered to help with her education. When I reminded her of the $20k limit I had mentioned, she got really upset.
    via u/ShrillyCarefree
  • She's saying that if I truly supported her dreams, I would find a way to make it work. Her argument is that NYU will open doors that other schools can't, and it's an investment in our future together. She's also pointed out that I spent more than $20k on my car last year, so clearly I have the money.
    via u/ShrillyCarefree
  • I've suggested alternatives like community college for prerequisites, state schools with good programs, or even taking out loans that we could pay back together later. But she says I'm being unsupportive and that I don't believe in her potential.
    via u/ShrillyCarefree
  • Couple with problems having disagreement in bed frustrated couple arguing and having marriage problems young couple into an argument on bed in bedroom
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I feel terrible because I do want to support her, but $70k per year (plus living expenses in NYC) would completely drain my savings and put me in a difficult financial position. I've worked hard to build up my emergency fund and start investing for our future.
    via u/ShrillyCarefree
  • I love Sarah and want what's best for her, but I also think there are more practical ways to achieve her goals. AITA for sticking to my. original budget and not funding her dream school?
    via u/ShrillyCarefree
  • Less_Storm 7670 You better not pay for that! That' is your girlfriend ! Not your wife.
    via u/Less_Storm_7670
  • mthockeydad Even if they were married, she'd need to justify the NYU degree would result in enough future earnings to offset the +$100,000 (assuming $50k more x 2 years) invested in tuition. A college degree is an investment, not a "dream". Will buying a degree likely result in significant enough future earnings to justify its investment?
    via u/mthockeydad
  • madeulook5 This is a gf, future is wide open. Even if it was a sure thing for her future income, it's not guaranteed they will be together. Seems super entitled to be upset at a $20k gift.
    via u/madeulook5
  • Chunk3yMonkey *$20k a year gift.
    via u/Chunk3yM0nkey
  • TVTrashMama Which is more than my parents gave me for my entire undergrad program...
    via u/TVTrashMama
  • Majestic-Window-318 It's $19,990 more than my parents gave me. She's an ingrate. I bet she expects a $300k wedding, if she isn't just planning to bail after graduation.
    via u/Majestic-Window-318
  • Spyntikova I went to NYU. It does NOT open doors that other schools can't (and I studied a major where you'd think "oh yeah, the best place to study that is definitely NYC!"). It's a good education, but wildly overpriced. I don't regret my experience, but I regret thinking that NYU would be more valuable than any other school for it.
    via u/Spyntikova
  • NoOil7805 Im glad you put that information out there. I was personally wondering if it was really worth all the extra money. College experience of living on campus and being in that great environment is fabulous.
    via u/NoOil7805
  • Bulky-Hamster7373 On the flip side, I went to a state school and community college. Some of those reporting up to me have gone to Ivy league and other "exclusive" schools.
    via u/Bulky-Hamster7373
  • Many-Pirate2712 Nta You offered to help pay for loans she took out and she doesnt want that probably because then if she leaves you shes stuck paying. I hate when anyone says if you really loved me then you would do this. It's manipulative and honestly borderline emotional ab_e
    via u/Many-Pirate2712
  • comebakqueen NTA 70K a year is more than what most people MAKE in a year. You should absolutely not ruin your future for hers. At 25/22 you are still young and (sorry to be so blunt) based on her selfish and manipulative attitude, is this the kind of person you want to spend your life with?
    via u/comebakqueen
  • 70K a year is not a small amount of money, and her attitude is deplorable. I imagine once she gets what she wants you'll end up alone, miserable and broke once she says she's outgrown you.
    via u/comebakqueen
  • Difficult Ferret2838 If she was really that smart she would have scholarships.
    via u/Difficult_Ferret2838

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

degrees degree boyfriend toxic relationships tuition college degree reddit story relationships girlfriend reddit thread Reddit money masters toxic relationship college
Scroll Down For The Next Article