Mom demands ex-husband pay for her stepson's hockey lessons along with their own son, ex-husband refuses to spend money on someone else's kid: 'She accused me of buying my son's love'

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Oct 13, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

When I was a kid, I wanted to do everything my older sister did, exactly like she did it. If she took ballet lessons, I wanted to take ballet lessons. If she started to read a certain book, I picked up the same book right after her, and if she showed interest in an obscure hobby, suddenly I became infatuated with it as well.

Even before I realized that I could have interests of my own without having to copy my sister, my parents were quite clear that I couldn't simply get everything that she got. "It doesn't work like that, Bar, you can't be the exact same person". That was what I was told. At first, I was mad that I wasn't allowed to go with her to chess club, but when I realized I didn't even like chess, being different from my sister started to make a lot more sense.

Hopefully, that would be the lesson for everyone involved in the story below, both kids and adults. Just because one kid gets to go to hockey lessons doesn't mean the other must. Especially if the one who pays for the lesson is not actually related to the other kid.

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  • The father below refuses to pay for his son's stepbrother's hockey lesson, despite paying for his son's. The mom, his ex-wife, claims that if their son gets to learn hockey, so should her stepson, even if she cannot afford it.

    Sounds complicated? That's because it is, so keep scrolling to read the full story.

  • 01
    Young Hockey Players on Rink
    via Alex P

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    AITA for refusing to pay for my son's stepbrother to play hockey alongside him while also refusing to pull my son from hockey?

    I have a 7 year old son with my ex- girlfriend. She left me when our son was 4 months old for her husband.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 03
    He has a son 7 months older than mine. My ex is raising her husband's son as her own, because his bio mom is not in his life, and this is a point they have argued with me.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 04
    Because of the way our relationship ended we are not on the best of terms. And because my son is closer to me than to my ex or her husband it causes more trouble when I do something for my son.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 05
    They think I'm buying him when that's not it. Nothing I do is about buying my son or making me the favorite.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 06
    I just want to provide a good life for my only kid. My son had expressed an interest in hockey for a while and several months ago I signed him up for some lessons and now he's part of a team.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 07
    His stepbrother doesn't get to go and he's jealous. My ex and her husband can't afford to send him and so my son doesn't go on his mom's time.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 08
    But this is no longer enough and because his stepbrother is aware he plays hockey, my ex and her husband told me I need to either pay for both to play or I need to pull my son.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 09
    My ex's husband told me his son does not need to have his disadvantage flaunted and with them being in the same school he does hear about it.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 10
    He told me his son deserves to feel equal to his sibling. My ex made the same argument.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 11
    Youth Ice Hockey Players in Action
    via Aflo Images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    She said both kids are being raised as hers, so they're half brothers in the eyes of the family and she said that means they should be treated the same.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 13
    I told her in their house, by their families this is true. But I am not in their house or their family.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 14
    I refused to discuss it after telling them no to paying for the stepbrother and no to pulling my son.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 15
    They went a little insane over it and accused me again of buying my son's love.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 16
    TALKTOME0701 Talk to your lawyer about this. They need to first learn that if they can't afford something, their responsibility is to help their kid deal with it. Not to drag down your son. NTA But your ex is hurting your son with this line of reasoning. I can't imagine it's easy for him when he's at home with her and her husband. Why is she a better mother to her husband's son than she is to hers? Is there a way you can get full custody? At 16, that should be a possibility especially with what
    via TALKTOME0701
  • 17
    OP Jayhoxxon There is no way I would get full custody at this point. It would take significantly more than this to get full custody. My attorney knows about the exchange already and has it filed away if we ever need to use it.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 18
    Acceptable_Day6086 Except it is possible the judge could force her to let your son play hockey even on her time. If there is a judgement to that affect and she ignores it, that is ammunition in your favor for full custody.
    via Acceptable_Day6086
  • 19
    OP Jayhoxxon The judge won't enforce that at this point. If he's still playing when he's a little older there's a chance. My attorney said it's not really a priority for the courts with children as young as my son. But we have it all documented for later, just in case.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 20
    No_Pineapple6086 NTA. Why on earth are those two options even floated? They're absurd from the get go
    via No_Pineapple6086
  • 21
    OP Jayhoxxon They feel like it's reasonable for me to pay for both if I insist on my son going. But what I can afford for him to do should not be impacted by a child at another house, even at my son's other house. Because the other child is not mine or my responsibility.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 22
    Bookssportsandwine But a court might enforce them helping your son attend on their parenting time. It's not fair for him to miss on her time, and will eventually hurt him with the coaches.
    via Bookssportsandwine
  • 23
    OP Jayhoxxon My attorney has stated the court won't do anything about it currently. They may when he's older. But right now they won't see it as a court worthy issue. We have it documented and I'll go in front of a judge about it if we get to the point where they could rule in favor of my son going at both houses.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 24
    NTA aquavenatus Are your ex and her husband allowed to prevent your son from his extracurricular activities?
    via aquavenatus
  • 25
    OP Jayhoxxon On my ex's time yeah. They just can't prevent me from taking him during my parenting time.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 26
    Big-Tomorrow2187 NTA.. use their financial, struggling as a point and go for full custody
    via Big-Tomorrow2187
  • 27
    OP Jayhoxxon Full custody is not an option at this point. Maybe in the future if my son wants to live with me. But their inability to let the stepson play hockey is not going to be a good case for my son to live primarily with me. Activities are not needs and all. And he is taken care of at his mom's house.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 28
    Appropriate Aioli363 See if you can get legal custody. This cannot be fixed without a judge stepping in and deciding how your custody will go. Can you not just pick him up and bring him back so mom and fam aren't disrupted?
    via Appropriate_Aioli363
  • 29
    OP Jayhoxxon We have a custody order already. It's shared custody. And my ex and her husband would need to agree to me taking him on their time, which they don't.
    via Jayhoxxon
  • 30
    TheWaco Fogey NTA. You are responsible for your child, not theirs. If they want their son to play hockey, they can budget for it themselves. Period, end of story.
    via TheWacoFogey

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