17-year-old chooses college believing family will pay for it, breaks down when mom reveals she has to share college fund with her 16-year-old brother: 'Dad said it's all for me'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 16, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

For many students, the most stressful part of college is paying for it.

Higher education in the United States is famous for coming at a premium, especially if a student decides to go out of state or to a prestigious school. Apart from the lucky few whose parents are in the kind of tax bracket where they can pay for their kids in full, most students have to rely on loans, scholarships, and making money through work to put themselves through college.

As a result, many prospective students spend a lot of time looking for a way to fund their education—unless they believe that it is already paid for, of course. It is the responsibility of parents with children who are potential college students to be upfront about whether they can afford to help them and how much they are able to contribute. They can get a nasty upset otherwise.

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  • a woman placing a bank note into a jar with coins and bank note spilled in front of it
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

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  • In this story, a mom despaired after her daughter got upset upon learning that her parents would not be paying for all her college fees. She had been accepted into a somewhat expensive college and was under the impression that their savings would pay for the entirety.

    However, it was revealed to her that the fund her parents had would have to be shared with her younger brother, meaning she would have to find another way to fund some of her education. She was angry, and her mom was left wondering if she was in the wrong for allowing this scenario to happen.

  • AITA for only giving my daughter half of her college fund?

    My daughter, 17, is looking into a moderately expensive college once she graduates. She already submitted her application and got accepted, but we told her she needed to complete her last year, first. We are very proud of her for being accepted, and even gifted her some money to use on anything she wants. However, I didn't realize how much it costed until today. Today, I asked her how she was going to pay for the college tuition, and she responded, "Through my college fund!"
    via Leather_Horror_8131
  • Here's the problem; while the college fund is (barely) enough to pay for four years of her college, it is also the fund for her brother, who is about a year younger than her. This means it needs to be split between the two. When I explained this to my daughter, she huffed and said, "Well, dad said it's all for me!" I never heard him say this, otherwise I would've corrected him. When I denied this, she started
    via Leather_Horror_8131
  • a girl wearing a cap and headphones leans over a laptop while sitting on a couch
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  • job right now, and won't get yelled at by her. I am writing this in my room as my daughter locked herself in her room, sobbing.
    via Leather_Horror_8131
  • So, am I the asshole for only giving her half of the college fund? I can see her point, as she obviously applied to the college thinking she could afford it with our help, but I also don't want to leave my son stranded.
    via Leather_Horror_8131
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  • Commenters were conflicted, but many believed that the parents had communicated poorly.

    NovelAd4308 Does the daughter know the college fund was for her and her brother. Did anyone ever explain exactly who it was for and how it was going to be used. It seems like maybe some things should have been talked about before she even applied to any college. This conversation should have been with both parents and the daughter and son at the same time.
    via NovelAd4308
  • LdiJ46 Of course she doesn't get to have all of the money if there are two children and one college fund. She will have to take out student loans for part of it or maybe try for scholarships.
    via LdiJ46
  • throwRA-nt How exactly does she know exactly how much is actually in the fund? It seems like the dad said she had a college fund and you explain to her that there is only one account. If she didn't know there is one account would she be complaining?
    via throwRA-nt
  • Embarrassed_Hat_2904 Even in your title you're calling it half of her college fund. Im betting you've been calling it that all along and that's why she's understandably upset at finding out it's to be shared.
    via Embarrassed_Hat_2904
  • downwardnote292 What type account is it in? UGMA & 529s have only only one recipient. Is it just a regular savings account then?
    via downwardnote292
  • Awkward-Train 1584 You are not the asshole for not giving her all of the fund. You are the AH for not sitting down and going through finances long before it was time to apply to college. You should have been helping her apply for scholarships, student aid, she should have a job and saving. Like the math should have been done years ago.
    via Awkward-Train1584
  • timehoodie6969 YTA Why do you keep calling it her fund when it's both their funds combined? Combining them was bound to cause this exact problem, but that damage is done already. Now, what you need to do, is look up all the scholarships and grants and govt money she can get. Start applying now. You and her father flubbed this so don't just ask how she's going to pay for it, help her figure it out.
    via timehoodie6969
  • BeeEnvironmental6299 Why wasn't all of this discussed BEFORE she applied to schools. Either this is fake or you are all clueless about college applications and costs.
    via BeeEnvironmental6299
  • NannerMinion YTA. Not for splitting the fund if that was always the plan. But how can you not know how much college is going to cost before she applies? You never sat down and discussed finances or college choices or grants or anything? Absolutely WILD you would let her apply to college with zero conversation about finances and logistics.
    via NannerMinion
  • Anastasia Victoria Why did you title it "half of HER college fund" if it isn't?
    via AnastasiaVict0ria
  • Ok-Perspective-5109 YTA for not discussing the fund and how much was available BEFORE she applied. You sound like a poor communicator and led her to believe it was her college fund.
    via Ok-Perspective-5109
  • _Useful_Researcher_ YTA for wording the post heading calling it half of daughter's college fund. It sounds like you are giving your daughter all of her share of the college fund. Which is fair and the only way to do this. Why does she think she is owed her brother's college fund as well?
    via _Useful_Researcher_
  • PhDPlease 13 I'm going to go with a soft YTA - it sounds like you have a gross miscommunication here. If it's your daughter's fund, she should be able to use it as she intends. But if it was supposed to be split between her and her brother, it should be titled "not giving my daughter her brother's half of the college fund”. That, and your daughter should have known this. If she told you her father said it was all for her, she has every right to be upset. I'd advise you to have a family meeting a
    via PhDPlease13
  • Odd Paramedic2818 Yta Sounds like Terrible parenting on your behalf. Lmao 18 years to start two college funds for the TWO kids you knew you had. Now you wanna act like she's the bad guy because she expecting a college fund She was told was for her.
    via Odd_Paramedic2818
  • fouldspasta Your child is 17, and you didn't sit down with her and tell her how expensive college is? NTA for splitting the college fund, but YTA for not discussing this with her during or before the applications.
    via fouldspasta
  • HickAzn YTA for one reason: you have limited funds but didn't tell your daughter exactly how much you could contribute well BEFORE the college admission cycle had started. A simple: we can pay 10k per year and 40k total over 4 years would have been a good start.
    via HickAzn

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