Parents refuse to let college-aged kid take 2-week vacation with his own money since they're paying his tuition: 'Imagine being so miserly and controlling you deny your child one little vacation that he's saved to pay for'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 19, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Some parents never learn when to let go. 

Parenthood is all about raising your child to be independent. They're dependent on you for the beginning of their lives, so it's your job to teach them how to take care of themselves so they can lead their own lives on their own. But this is a gradual process, and it's not easy. Some parents get used to the total control they have over their children's lives when they're young and never quite know how to let it go, even when it's time for them to fly. This is especially true when money starts to get involved, which it often does when you're a parent. Maybe your kids still rely on you financially even after they've moved out of the house. 

How much control does that give you over their lives? Should it? Or at a certain point, do you just let go, since they're adults themselves? These are difficult boundaries to negotiate, and every family does them differently. One family found themselves in the heat of this conflict when a college-aged kid wanted to take a vacation from school. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • A college kid with a backpack leans against a wall.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • When his parents saw it, he was misusing their tuition money. The way he saw it, he was spending his own money on vacation, and his parents were being far too controlling. So they reached out to the internet for more opinions. Read on to see what happened in the story. 

  • AITA? I pay for kids university tuition from saved funds. He wants to take 2 week vacation and we said no.

    OK here's the context. Wife and I saved enough money to pay for about 2 years out of a 4 year degree for each kid. We reimburse them after they've completed the semester with decent grades. All kids still live at home. 2 in university, 1 in high school. We've
    via u/bsharp1982
  • purchased an extra vehicle that the kids use and we pay for their food (at home), cell phones, and car insurance - however they are responsible for gas - and have to negotiate car usage between themselves We require not many rules. Keep your room clean, do a rotating chore every week, and
    via u/bsharp1982
  • spend some meaningful time doing 'family stuff' every week. Generally this is on a Sunday where we are all at home and can have dinner together, or play games - or sometimes on Saturdays when the weather is nice we go on a walk/hike - sometimes girlfriends come along - and they are welcome anytime. Our entire objective while putting this money away was to enable our kids to be relatively debt free on exiting their bachelors degree programme.
    via u/bsharp1982
  • Situation: Kid 1 has worked hard during summers, and also earns his own money during the school year. Next year, his girlfriend will be spending some time abroad, and he wants to miss a week of university plus an extra week and visit her. It would essentially be a vacation. He's admitted he wouldn't do this if he were funding his whole life. So we as parents feel like he's using our funds to go on vacation - so we are saying no. AITA? (really - are we the asshole - my wife and I...) -
    via u/bsharp1982
  • Extra context: He feels like we are too controlling - and other parents just give their kids money and have no rules around how it's spent. (I'm sure that's true in some cases, and in other cases he just doesn't know in reality the rules attached...)
    via u/bsharp1982
  • Extra extra context: I am currently unemployed, and we are somewhat struggling financially while I'm inbetween jobs, so we are very sensitive right now. We've considered selling the kids car to pay off some debt, and also considered asking the 2 university kids to start paying for their cell phone plans and car insurance to help the family.
    via u/bsharp1982
  • A college kid looks at papers in his hand.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters had a lot to say about this parenting style.

    mbsyust • 9h ago YTA both for being a bit controlling and for burying the lede that you are in a bad financial position. If you have told your kids you are willing to pay for certain things, and then they decide to do other things with money they have earned on their own, that is none of your business. It is fully within your rights to stop
    via u/mbsyust
  • paying for things for them because you are no longer in the financial position to do so, which it sounds like is the case, but if you are suddenly trying to control what they do with other money that they earn, that makes you an AH.
    via u/mbsyust
  • Unless you told them you would only pay for things if they saved any other money they earned, then you are just apply arbitrary rules after the fact about how they can use their own money, which is controlling. It doesn't sound like your son want to use your
    via u/mbsyust
  • money to go on vacation, he wants to use his own, which seems pretty reasonable, although I would be more concerned about the fact he is skipping a week of school. It sounds like you are looking for an excuse to stop paying. for things now that you don't have the money but you want to be able to blame your son.
    via u/mbsyust
  • itravella 9h ago YTA He is still going to the university, the money you would reimburse him would still go towards covering the tuition, not the trip. He saved money by working to afford the trip. Sure, if he had no reimbursement from you he might not have had the
    via u/itravella
  • money for the trip, but having that money go towards tuition is helping him grow and expand his horizons. So you are TA for trying to control how he spends HIS money that he earned and saved for the trip. If he was not working and saving money he would not be able to go on the trip either.
    via u/itravella
  • You don't change the rules mid way through. That is an asshole move. Also, I feel like this is not about his holidays but rather about the fact that your own money is tight and you see him spending money he earned as frivolous when you are struggling.
    via u/itravella
  • If you want to cut costs have the kids pay for their phones and car insurance. But that is a separate issue.
    via u/itravella
  • kindaright-ish • 9h ago YTA You say as long as their grades stay good you'll reimburse them. His grades haven't dropped, so why wouldn't you pay? He isn't asking you to pay for his trip. He is making sure you will keep to your word about reimbursing him as it sounds like they pay for it initially.
    via u/kindaright-ish
  • People miss weeks of uni all the time and still manage to keep their grade up. One week of travel isn't going to derail his whole degree.
    via u/kindaright-ish
  • TiredandConfusedS... 9h ago Yeah you're bad people. OP you and your wife are TA. Your son works hard and wants to go on one vacation? You should be proud of him for saving the money to do it and supporting him having some fun. Are you seriously expecting your children to not
    via u/TiredandConfusedSigh
  • travel or have any vacations for the entire 4 years they're studying? What a miserable life you must lead. Also instead of considering selling your kids car to pay bills - go do whatever job your son has been doing to make money. If an unqualified college kid can do it, so can you.
    via u/TiredandConfusedSigh
  • Jeez. Imagine being so miserly and controlling you deny your child one little vacation that he's saved to pay for.
    via u/TiredandConfusedSigh
  • Rredhead926 · 9h ago If he's paying for the vacation with his own money, then YTA.
    via u/Rredhead926
  • SummitJunkie7 · 9h ago • So kids 1 and 2 are getting equal support from you to pay for school, car insurance, cell phones, housing, groceries. Kid one works both during the school year and throughout the summer and therefore has extra savings. They want to spend it on a vacation. Why is that a problem? Do you police
    via u/SummitJunkie7
  • what your kids spend their money on in other ways? If kid 1 spent the same amount of money, but spread out over the year - just on dinners out, movies, hobbies, whatever else - would you have a problem with it? What incentivizes kid 1 to work if they do not have autonomy over how they spend their income? If they can do
    via u/SummitJunkie7
  • nothing and get all the same benefits from you as kid 2, or they can work hard all - summer and still get all the same benefits as kid 2, without any ability to make use of their hard-earned money - what habits are you rewarding, and what habits. are you punishing?
    via u/SummitJunkie7
  • If your issue is the week off of classes - I feel like you've already got that built in - they only get reimbursed if they keep their grades up. If kid 1 can keep their grades up missing that one week, then they're obviously managing their studies just fine. And if they can't, well then they won't get reimbursed, natural consequence.
    via u/SummitJunkie7
  • Unless you are policing how all your kids spend their - income, that they earned and policing their attendance records in each class - then yes, it's unfair to crack down on this specific circumstance just because it, I don't know, "feels" frivolous to you?
    via u/SummitJunkie7
  • Vacation aside, if you need to change the rules based on changing financial circumstances, that's valid. Make sure you are changing them equally for everyone. If it's "we can no longer cover cell phones and insurance - you'll have to give up your phone and give up driving or
    via u/SummitJunkie7
  • earn enough money to cover those expenses for yourself", then that's fair. Make sure Kid 2 has to get a job, if they don't have one already, and pay for all the same things Kid 1 now has to. And if after covering those expenses, Kid 1 still has enough to budget for a vacation, don't step in the way.
    via u/SummitJunkie7
  • YTA - think through what you are able and willing to provide for your kids financially, and go from there. Make sure you treat them all equally, and leave your feelings about vacation to the side.
    via u/SummitJunkie7
  • Helpful_Plenty_9997. 9h ago Are they asking to use funds that were supposed to be put towards tuition to pay for this trip, or are they using the funds they earned through work to pay for the trip? It sounds like they are using the funds that they've earned
    via u/Helpful_Plenty_9997
  • from working, but admitted that they wouldn't be able to afford the trip if they had to put those earnings towards school/cost of living. If that indeed is the case, then ҮТАН.
    via u/Helpful_Plenty_9997

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

childcare teens aita kids teenagers controlling moms parenting dad reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids money Parenting Fail college college student parents children vacation Parenting FAILS
Scroll Down For The Next Article