Successful 62-year-old uncle funds college for nieces and nephews, refuses to pay for youngest niece after bailing out son's $200k debt: 'I love them all as my kids'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 22, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Being the family success story isn't all sunshine and roses.

While it may be true that such a role comes with a certain respect that a person may not have otherwise, it also comes with a lot of responsibility. More often than not, other relatives expect that any family member who has more than they do will be the one who is able to help in difficult situations, and whether that is appropriate or not can be a tricky judgment call.

Of course, those who love and care for their family are usually happy to pitch in when they are less fortunate than they are, up to a point. Sometimes, it just so happens that circumstances mean a well-off relative cannot be as generous as they would like to be. It can be upsetting for somebody to find this out when they are expecting a gift, but it is important to approach it with grace.


 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • a young woman reads a magazine while sat on the couch, with a backpack and scattered pens in the foreground
    via Mometrix Test Prep

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • One of the most common ways for richer relatives to show their generosity is by helping out the younger members of the family who are just finding their feet. In this story, a man who earned a comfortable living as a lawyer had promised that he would pay for the college education of all his nieces and nephews.

    However, this promise was complicated when his son came to him in desperation, as he had accrued hundreds of thousands of dollars in gambling debt. The man felt obliged to help him pay, but this meant that he would not be able to give college money to his youngest niece.

    When the niece and his brother found out about this and the man refused to disclose why he would not pay for her, they were upset and they didn't want to let it go. The man wanted an outside perspective on the situation.

  • AITAH for not giving my niece a college fund like I’ve done for all my nephews and nieces?

    | 62M am a lawyer, I'm the oldest of 4 siblings and I'm the most financially independent of them, I've got two sisters and a brother. My sisters are both secretaries my younger one is the secretary for our middle school and the other works for my doctor friend, and my brother is also a lawyer like me but honestly he's lazy and barely has gets any work.
    via Longjumping_Tap_4934
  • I've always helped with all of my and their children's colleges because I love them all as my kids and never felt used by them, they all love me too. About a year ago my oldest son who's 39 now came and broke down infront of me, he admitted to being addicted to gambling and that he owed hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt to both the bank
    via Longjumping_Tap_4924
  • and to shady people and that they were threatening him to go after and hurt me and his sisters, he broke down saying he had no money left. He showed me everything and he owed these people well over 200k, I paid all of it off and we've worked out a payment plan for his bank debt and I've paid for therapy for him and rehabilitation. I'm mad and angry at him but glad he felt comfortable with telling me before anything bad happened. All of this have taken a huge financial toll on me.
    via Longjumping_Tap_4934
  • an older man with glasses sits on his laptop in the back of a car
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • A couple of months ago my youngest niece whose my brother's daughter came and asked about her college fund and if I've made one for her like everyone else, nobody in the family not even my wife knew about what happened with my son so nobody knew about my financial situation. I told her no and that I was sorry but that I faced some struggles and
    via Longjumping_Tap_4934
  • couldn't save for her this time, I said I wouldn't be able to help her like the others but that I can still help her out here and there but not everything, she was hurt and got mad and upset at me and said that I don't love her like the rest which isn't true at all, I love her like my own daughter.
    via Longjumping_Tap_4934
  • She and my brother ask me every couple of days now about it and honestly I'm just tired of repeating myself, on top of everything with my son I'm doing some necessary home renovations and I've having so much stress at work recently. Despite this I still love my brother and my niece, but would I be an asshole if I step back for a while while they calm down a bit?
    via Longjumping_Tap_4934
  • closeup of the corner of a check with a pen resting on it
    via Money Knack

  • People felt that he wasn't being totally fair.

    Obvious-Block6979 Perhaps you need to explain to them that a very large unexpected expense has happened. You love them as much as everyone else, but this can not be helped. You will do your best to make it up to her when you can but right now your hands are tied.
    via Obvious-Block6979
  • shyfidelity Why not be more honest about the financial position you're in? Chances are good they're mad because they don't understand
    via shyfidelity
  • Careless_Welder_4048 NTA but you can see why she feels that way right??? I hope your son takes advantage of the huge opportunity you gave him and doesn't fuck it up.
    via Careless_Welder_4048
  • ParticularJuice3983 Technically NTA - but there definitely is a problem with how you went ahead with it. 1. Not telling your wife (whether or not she is your kids mom) is a real red flag and this can damage your situation. 2. Your son will probably learn nothing from this and he will relapse unless he faces the consequences.
    via ParticularJuice3983
  • 3. You must tell your niece that it's not her fault, you don't love her any less - but it's just circumstances because of which you aren't able to pay. When the financial situation changes - you will help out again. You set the expectations that you are the uncle who pays for college - so you have to deal with it for not following through on it.
    via ParticularJuice3983
  • Salt Signature8164 You aren't being honest about the situation so YTA. You created this expectation where everyone else got it but now you want to deny the last one? While I understand and your reasoning is justified, it's quite unfair to her since you created this expectation. Sit them down and explain the dilemma. Until then YTA
    via Salt_Signature8164
  • big_bob_c NTA for not being able to provide her a find. YT *HUGE* AH for keep this situation a secret. You're keeping it a secret from your WIFE. She is the ONE person who ABSOLUTELY needs to know what happened, because he will hit her up for money next time, and then go onto the rest of the family. It will be the sob story "I'm ashamed to tell dad" with your wife, "I'm ashamed to tell my parents" for his
    via big_bob_c
  • aunts and uncles and cousins, and you won't find out until everyone is screwed over. (Yes, you want to trust him and give him another chance and all that crap. Tough.)
    via big_bob_c
  • Man up, tell him that he is telling your wife NOW, or you are telling her NOW. Then, with her input, decide how much to tell your siblings, but you HAVE to tell them that your son ran up a debt, you're working with him on paying it off, and that if he has "borrowed" anything from them they need to tell you.
    via big_bob_c
  • As far as your niece - have all the other niblings spent all of their funds? Can you pull some money from any remaining funds to help her out for a few semesters? Are any of them doing well enough that you could ask them to "pay it forward" and help her since you currently can't?
    via big_bob_c
  • Jeezus_Christe Did you do it for all of your other nephews/nieces? Did you promise her you would do this? I dont think she is entitled to the money. However, in reality if you set the expectation that you would pay, you'll probably be TA. To give them perspective, you may have to come clean about helping your son.
    via Jeezus_Christe
  • CliveBixby1974 Sorry, but from their perspective you absolutely love everyone more than her and she has every right to be hurt. She had to watch you pay for all of her cousins and then spit in her face. You aren't obligated, of course, but if nobody knows the detail how could anyone think anything but it's on purpose and you think less of her than her cousins.
    via CliveBixby1974
  • OriginalAgitated7727 I think it might be a decent strategy that you speak 1v1 with your niece. Even if you sugar coat it, making clear that a massive unplanned expense to help your son get healthy again would allow her to see the big picture and understand.
    via OriginalAgitated7727

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

aita secret brother niece parenting debt dad uncle reddit thread Reddit nephew money college son
Scroll Down For The Next Article