‘Someone's gotta keep the lights on’: Man pays full $2,800 rent and covers every expense, working 70-hour workweeks in cybersecurity, while girlfriend contributes $200 monthly and complains about him never being around

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Oct 31, 2025 7:00 AM EDT

This hardworking cybersecurity guy can't catch a break. Work gobbles up every hour, bills stack up, and fun gets canceled more often than a sketchy software update. He pays for everything, rent, groceries, all the treats, while his girlfriend runs retail shifts and brings home a little rent money each month. Lately she's decided she's dating a ghost who only exists to refresh browser tabs and grumble about hackers.

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  • AITAH for telling my girlfriend she can't complain about my work hours when I'm paying all the bills?

    Cheezburger Image 10570035968
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Dinner plans, birthday parties, weekend hangs, all get sacrificed on the altar of “there’s an emergency at work.” She’s fed up and calls him out for making job stuff a higher priority than actual breathing human relationships. His comeback is the classic pay-for-play: nice apartment, fridge full, Wi-Fi humming along, what’s the problem?

  • So I (28M) work in cybersecurity - think SOC shifts, incident response, the whole nine yards.
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  • Sometimes I'm pulling 60-70 hour weeks, especially when there's an active breach or we're doing major infrastructure upgrades.
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  • The money's solid though, and I cover rent, utilities, groceries, streaming services, basically everything. My girlfriend (26F) has been on my case lately about never being around.
    via Any-Newt6822
  • Like yeah, I get it, I'm not home for dinner most nights and sometimes I'm glued to my laptop on weekends monitoring alerts.
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  • Angry woman standing in kitchen while distracted man works on laptop in background, concept of relationship frustration or conflict.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • - But here's the thing she works part- time retail and contributes maybe $200/month to our $2,800 rent.
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  • I'm not trying to be a dick about it, but someone's gotta keep the lights on.
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  • Last week she blew up at me because I had to bail on her sister's birthday dinner.
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  • We had a critical vulnerability that needed patching across our entire network - we're talking potential ransomware exposure here.
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  • I tried explaining that I literally can't just clock out when there's a security incident, but she just doesn't get it.
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  • Angry woman standing in kitchen while distracted man works on laptop in background, concept of relationship frustration or conflict.
    via Anatoliy Karlyuk

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • She says I "chose a career over her" and that money isn't everything. I shot back that she seems pretty happy with our nice apartment and the fact that she doesn't stress about bills.
    via Any-Newt6822

  • Now she’s at her friend’s place. He’s getting advice from a buddy who probably hasn’t washed his own work mug in three years. It’s classic couple math, one side throws down all the cash, the other wants more facetime and less laptop glow. Everyone’s annoyed, nobody’s winning, and dinner’s still cold.

  • That made her cry and now she's staying at her friend's place. My buddy thinks I was harsh, but honestly?
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  • If she wants more quality time, maybe she could pick up more shifts and we could split things 50/50 so I'm not under constant pressure to be the sole provider.
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  • She could also try understanding that in my field, you don't get to ignore zero-days because you've got dinner plans.
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  • Relationships and tech jobs mix like oil and water. Some people want home-cooked meals and shared time, others just need a power nap and the sweet sound of paid bills. If there was a way to patch romantic tension, this guy would probably build a firewall for it. But for now it’s bill pay, burnout, and reruns of “I’m working late again.”

  • АІТАН?
    via Any-Newt6822
  • Maker_of_woods yeah. she wants everything. not sure how to resolve unless she understands that you are putting inthe time now for bigger rewards later. but honestly she will find a new person sooner or later and blame it on you. write me in five years
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  • Jay100012 Dude, as a guy that was in similar position for 10 YEARS INCLUDING marriage before divorcing a few years ago, you are 1000% justified.
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  • hatfieldmichael Money isn't everything. Until it's not there. Then she'll really be bitching. Don't marry this one.
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  • berrytreetrunk Ok. First, the last paragraph undid the rest. Even if she were working more and you were splitting things 50-50, you would still be working as much as you work. So that's BS. The work you do is very important. And no, you don't have 9 to 5 hours. What you need is to move on and find somebody who works as much as you do and who understands that kind of pressure and need to work that much.
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  • yalublutaksi NTA, she needs to get some hobbies or get a job with more hours.
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  • dembowthennow NTA. But you need to sit down and have a conversation with her. Think it through, how much money would she need to contribute every month for you to be able to pull back on work so you can be more present in your relationship? Because with the number of hours you work, you won't have a relationship for much longer.
    via Any-Newt6822
  • CatTawny No one is the A here. You both have incompatible lifestyles. You are focussing on your career & don't have much time for her. She feels lonely in a relationship where she eats dinner alone & she's going to parties alone. She wants to be in a relationship with more quality time together. I see the writing on the wall for this relationship.
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  • Nunya1030 "...in my field, you don't get to ignore zero-days because you've got dinner plans." So you being sole provider is NOT the issue. Your career is. And if you don't provide her with the time she wants she'll find someone who does.
    via Any-Newt6822
  • False-Emu-1742 NTA - you told the truth, it might have been uncomfortable but a dose of reality often is. Could you have been more tactful in your delivery? Maybe but I dont think your wrong.
    via Any-Newt6822
  • wishingforarainyday She's telling you that she feels neglected. This relationship won't end well. She's feels dismissed and you're angry at covering the bills.
    via Any-Newt6822

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