Toxic family vilifies woman for refusing to attend their Thanksgiving celebration for the 3rd year in a row because of how they treated her in the past: ‘[They said] I was intentionally trying to hurt my mom’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Nov 6, 2025 6:00 PM EST

As you age, you realize that your family isn't nearly as nice to you (or each other, for that matter) as you thought they were. This is a hard pill to swallow, mainly because it feels like the conception of them in your childhood years has been a lie, and you're finally coming to the hard realization in real time. It brings back feelings of inadequacy, discomfort, and, well, grief.

The holiday season is rough for many for this very reason. How do we reconcile our differences with family and finally come together happily? In many cases, there's no reconciliation to be had. What's done is done, and the constant bickering and miscellaneous bombshell familial issues don't stop. Do we choose happiness, even if that means isolating ourselves from the people we're supposed to feel loved by and cared for by? Honestly, yes.

The woman in this next story hasn't been to her family's Thanksgiving celebration in nearly three years, and she's making no exception this time around. Her family treats her and her partner poorly, despite their introversion, and they refuse to continue being personal punching bags. Now, coming up on the third Thanksgiving celebration without her, her family decides to continue the narrative that she's being selfish. Scroll to read.

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  • 01
    a woman sitting at a thanksgiving table covering her face with her hands
    via Karolina Grabowska For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    "Vilified for not going to family thanksgiving"

    TLDR - my family loves thanksgiving, I don't like going, and I get vilified for saying I want to not go.
    via Blackdune88
  • 03
    Thanksgiving was sort of optional for my family as a kid. We either went to my uncle's (who my dad didn't have a great relationship with) or did something very small with nuclear family.
    via Blackdune88
  • 04
    Regardless it never felt like a big deal. Fast forward to 2008 and my dad holds a big 20- something person family thanksgiving for his ailing father.
    via Blackdune88
  • 05
    During this time my middle and oldest sisters are feuding, my oldest sister says my then boyfriend (now husband) wasn't good to me for attending his own thanksgiving instead of ours, and I'm generally stressed.
    via Blackdune88
  • 06
    The following January my dad unexpectedly passes and my oldest and middle sisters make up with the result being my oldest sister doesn't seem to like me or my eventual husband anymore (just generally annoyed at everything we do).
    via Blackdune88
  • 07
    They vow to make thanksgiving our family's designated holiday that we will celebrate each year in honor of our dad.
    via Blackdune88
  • 08
    However each year the celebration is one of drama and anxiety for me. My oldest sister and I fight, my mom sends me out of the house on "errands" for hours that are her attempt to get me out of the house while everyone else stays and chats, my mom and middle sister "coach" me on how to act around my oldest sister and my husband is given a cold shoulder to where I don't require him to come to the event until we're married.
    via Blackdune88
  • 09
    (When we did attend events, we were quiet and introverted, looking at our phones or trying to spend time outside with the dog) After being told by my mother one year my husband and I need to try harder to have relationships with my nephews (who my oldest sister cut me off from fairly early for no explicit reason) and BILs who do the casual "hey how are ya" but don't really talk to us, we decided to stop going.
    via Blackdune88
  • 10
    a man and a woman sitting at a thanksgiving table
    via Karolina Grabowska For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 11
    This is going to be our third year not going and my mom called saying "I know it's hard for you but I want all my children under the same roof." I dread telling her again as last year my middle sister said I was being selfish, needed to get over how my oldest sister treated me, and that I was intentionally trying to hurt my mom and my youngest nephews by not attending.
    via Blackdune88
  • 12
    It creates the huge pressure of feeling the obligation to be a daughter who just deals with it or actually putting myself first.
    via Blackdune88
  • 13
    There is no understanding that I just want to spend the holiday alone with my husband.
    via Blackdune88
  • 14
    I still come home for Christmas (as that's my in-laws preferred holiday and it's fun) and still offer to make time for my mom and my nephews then because I do want to see them.
    via Blackdune88
  • 15
    The situation sks in general and I wish my family were understanding.
    via Blackdune88

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family dynamics family drama entitled parents entitlement reddit story family feud parenting entitled family reddit thread parent Reddit Parenting Fail parents entitled people Parenting FAILS
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