Parent excludes son's wife from kayaking trip because she can't swim, she takes it personally despite valid safety concerns: 'If she learns how to swim, she can come next year'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Nov 24, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Every family has their preferred ways of spending time together. Some love competitive board game nights or cozy movie nights. My own family bonds primarily through the enjoyment of food; from making our favorite recipes to trying out new restaurants, eating is a foolproof way for everyone enjoys themselves and each other. There are families out there, though, that love to go on adventures. Whether it's a yearly road trip or an annual winter getaway, the adventurous types tend to be quite cautious in their vacation safety prep, which is pretty important since nature doesn't really care about sentimentality and rarely makes exceptions. 

Not everyone accustomed to the great outdoors is really aware of how dangerous it can be, however. When one parent enforced a long-standing safety rule— that no one is allowed on the annual intensive kayaking trip unless they know how to swim—tension rose fast. The son wanted to bring his wife along, despite the fact that she's never learned to swim. The parents told her if she took lessons, she might be able to come along next year, but this year, she's out. 

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  • 01

    AITA for not allowing my DIL to join a camping trip and doubling down on it?

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  • 02
    I am an outdoors person, and before the weather gets too cold I do a camping trip. We kayak down the the river make camp on the bank. It is a lot of fun and is a two night trip.
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  • 03
    I have done this with all of my kids and have started to invite their spouses, some show up and some don't. (Not everyone likes
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  • 04
    camping). The river we kayak on can get a fast and choppy in places. I have a strict no kids under 10 rules and that they have to good swimmers.
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  • 05
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  • 06
    This bring me to my sons wife (Jane-fake name) Jane can not swim at all. She never learned as a child and she still hasn't
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  • 07
    learned as an adult. The most I have ever seen her do is go into the shallow end in a pool.
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  • 08
    My son wanted to invite Jane and I told him no, that this is safety concern becuase she can not
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  • 09
    swim. Jane was very upset about it and told me it would be fine. I told her no again and if she learns how to swim she can come next year
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  • 10
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  • 11
    Jane is upset and my son is also upset. He has told me he can't go if she isn't invite and I stuck to my decision. He is also no happy with me either
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  • 12
    Edit I think some people are confused. We kayak to the first campsite, sleep, kayak to the next sleep and kayak to the final spot and head home.
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  • Nice clarification here because up until this point, I wondered why they couldn't just leave her near the tent or something while they went kayaking. But it sounds like water is the main event here!

  • 13
    Foreign_Plan_5256 NTA I understand him bowing out if his wife isn't going, but this is a matter of basic safety. Why is he willing to risk his wife's life?
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  • 14
    NorthernLitUp Insurance. Do you even WATCH Dateline? :)
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  • 15
    keesouth NTA. She isn't equipped to go one this trip and there is also nothing wrong with your son's decision to stay behind. You'd think as her husband he'd be more concerned with her safety.
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  • 16
    Spoonwood Tangle Adding to this. I used to be a whitewater rafting guide. "It'll be fine" is a recipe for disaster.
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  • 17
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  • 18
    OP is organizing the trip and taking responsibility for safety. They are the decision-maker. The Sail and son are welcome to join once they meet minimum safety requirements.
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  • 19
    OP is 100% correct and NTA. If OP wants to smooth things over, maybe consider a spring trip with hiking instead of kayaking?
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  • 20
    rırırırırır NTA I've done the same thing with backpacking, which is even less dangerous. Don't want to do safety checks even though you're an absolute newbie? Ok, you're not going.
    via u/riririririr
  • 21
    If they aren't going to respect safety expectations pre-trip, why would you think they'd listen to any limitations during the trip?
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  • 22
    stillrooted NTA and frankly kind of stunned at the number of commenters who think a life jacket is sufficient replacement for swimming skills in moving water.
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  • 23
    PFDs significantly reduce your risk of drowning. They don't grant magic 100% immunity to the dangers of falling in water.
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  • 24
    Foreign_Plan_5256 Especially not very cold, quickly moving water, that's swirling around rocks.
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  • 25
    This is not "I'd like to try the deeper end of the pool while wearing floaties, and with a lifeguard on duty."
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  • 26
    This is a situation where flipping the kayak or falling out is high adrenaline, potentially comes with immediate head injury/ choking, and immediate loss of strength and brain function due to the shock of the cold.
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  • 27
    Even for people with whom swimming is instinct it's a dangerous situation.
    via u/Foreign_Plan_5256

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relationship advice family drama daughter in law marriage safety first swimming relationships parenting couples family kayak entitled people vacation
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