Food safety inspector refuses to cook for her fiancé, after he insists she should handle all meals because she “works with food,” forcing him to order takeout until he admits to having unrealistic expectations: 'But you're the food person...'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Dec 7, 2025 6:00 PM EST

This fiancé needs to take a trip back down to earth…or to 2025, because he seems to be living in a different time! His wife is a food safety inspector, and solely based on the inclusion of the word 'food' in her job title, he seems to think that she should be responsible for everything food-related in their household. The groceries, the cooking, any act that could involve an onion…he's designated to her! The thing is, she's not actually a better cook, nor wants to have to think about breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. And she shouldn't have to? Simply because her fiancé's brain seems to be wired to resemble an immature manchild… 

If she were a chef, we'd understand his desire for her food…but she doesn't even cook. So he's going to have to come up with a better excuse, because his lack of logic is undeniable! But two can play at that game…Since his job requires him to sit in front of a computer all day, surely that means that he should be responsible for dealing with every element of their household's electronics…? Shocker, he didn't quite like that suggestion. So why should she have to? 

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  • These double standards are starting to take a toll on their relationship, and they're barely just engaged. Either this couple needs to reassess their expectations of one another, or reassess their relationship as a whole. Because if this is how her fiancé is acting now, we fear for when they are married and their responsibilities triple in the form of children, mortgages, and real-life compromises… 

  • Woman in restaurant making notes
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  • Fiancé expects me to do all cooking because I "work with food" I'm a food safety inspector not a chef

    i'm riley (26f) and i work as a food safety inspector in omaha. been with my fiancé carter (27m) for like 3 years, engaged for 6 months so carter works from home as a software developer.
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  • i work full time inspecting restaurants and food facilities ever since we moved in together a year ago carter has just.
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  • assumed i'm doing all the cooking and meal planning when i asked him why he said "you work with food all day so you're better at it" i had to explain to him that i don't COOK at my job.
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  • i inspect kitchens. i check temperatures. i look at storage procedures. i don't prepare meals he was like "yeah but you know about food" knowing health codes is not the same as being a chef but he keeps using this excuse.
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  • anytime i ask him to cook or help with meal planning he's like "but you're the food person" i'm not the food person.
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  • i'm a person who works in food SAFETY anyway i got tired of arguing about it so two weeks ago i just started making food only for myself i'll cook my dinner.
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  • Woman cooking meal in a pan on the stove
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  • plate it. eat it. clean up after myself carter will come out of his office around 7pm and be like "what's for dinner" and i'm like i already ate at first he thought i was joking.
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  • then he realized i was serious he's been ordering a lot of takeout. which is expensive.
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  • yesterday he complained about how much he's spending on doordash i said you could cook he said i'm being petty and that we should be working together as a team i said a team means both people contribute.
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  • i've been asking you to help with meals for a YEAR he says my job makes me more qualified so it makes sense for me to handle it i said your job is sitting at a computer all day, should you handle all our tech problems?
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  • he didn't like that comparison now his sister (who he complained to apparently) texted me saying i'm being difficult and that couples should support each other my coworker thinks it's hilarious and says carter needs to learn to adult but i'm starting to feel bad.
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  • like maybe i am being petty. we're supposed to be partners am i wrong for refusing to be the default cook just because of my job?
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  • OP Cute-Example3719 the thing that really bothers me is he genuinely thinks inspecting restaurants makes me a better cook i've SEEN things at restaurants that would make people never eat out again. that doesn't mean i'm good at cooking. that means i know when a walk-in cooler is at the wrong temperature like my job is literally checking if food is being handled safely. not MAKING food and i've explained this to him multiple times but he just doesn't get it. or he doesn't want to get it because i
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  • Foodielicious843 He is being a lazy man child. You need to reevaluate your relationship because if you choose to have kids, his excuse not to help with them is that you, as a woman, are the maternal one and should handle all things related to the child. Your fiancé is a poster child for weaponized incompetence.
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  • lovewholly DO NOT MARRY SOMEONE WHO THINKS YOU ARE LESS THAN HIM. This has nothing to do with your job. His brain is saying woman = cooking. You are NOT being petty or mean. You've asked him to be a teammate for A YEAR and he's failed. This is a clear peek into what a future with him will look like. Don't sign up to ruin your life by legally connecting yourself to a child who ALREADY can't pull his own weight. Honestly, you should show him these comments.
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  • Comfortable-Sail-461 NTA and Carter is being deliberately obtuse you've explained multiple times that your job has nothing to do with cooking. he doesn't care. because if he admits you're right, he has to start pulling his weight
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  • bmw5986 This is a preview of the rest of your life. You cool with this bs? You good with always having to handle things because you're the woman and "you're better at it"? Cuz this is just the beginning. You want children? He's gonna pull this exact same thing. Who does the cleaning? Laundry? Errands? Grocery shopping? Pays the bills? Keeps track of all the miscellaneous household stuff? Im betting its mostly if not totally you.
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  • Powerful_Put_6977 End things with him. His logic has disappeared up his rear end! Seriously, end things with him. He's not your forever person.
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  • FryOneFatManic Do you really want to spend the rest of you life allowing this man child to get away with doing nothing? Becausevit won't just be the cooking. Using his logic, you'll also do all the child care, because you'll be a mum, and anything else he can get away with. Just end it already.
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  • Baddman35055 Time to leave the adolescent behind. He's an idiot, no respect for you. He doesn't live his mother. Since sister is involved, ask her to cook for him. "Family helps family".
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expectations drama relationships couples food-inspector dating
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