Dad shames mom for going to a concert when their 10-year-old daughter is sick during his custody time: 'He's saying I'm being selfish and I should skip my trip so he doesn't catch whatever she has.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 7, 2025 8:00 PM EST

You don't get to pick and choose when your child gets sick.

Any parent will tell you that some of the worst times of their parenting lives were when their kids got sick. They're not just talking about when they had to clean their kid's vomit off the floor. They're talking about the stress and lack of control you have when your kid is sick. You can do all you can to make them feel comfortable, but you can't cure their illness, no matter how much you want to. When your kid is really sick, you can't fully relax until they're better.

Shared custody makes sick days all the more stressful. If a kid is going back and forth between parents' houses once every two or three days, it might not be optimal for their recovery. But then again, you don't get to opt out of parenting your kid when they're sick just because it's inconvenient and you don't want to get sick. Parents who run into another room when their sick kid approaches them are not stepping up as they should. They should be doing everything in their power to make their kid feel better, including comforting them.

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  • People gathering on concert during daytime
    via Colin Lloyd

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The dad in this story is trying to use the excuse that he doesn't want his daughter to infect him as the reason that he shouldn't spend the weekend with her. He's also trying to shame his ex for going out of town for a concert that weekend, even though she's been taking care of their sick daughter for the entire week.

  • Am I the bad guy for going out of town for a concert while my daughter is sick?

    Over 6 months ago, I bought tickets to a concert 5+ hours away from my city. The concert is tomorrow, and I planned to drive down tonight after work and after dropping my daughter off at her dad's.
    via u/viserya127
  • The ticket and my accommodations are already paid for and non refundable. I've been really excited for this trip since I found out about it.
    via u/viserya127
  • All week my daughter (10) has been home sick. She has a dry cough, slight fever but nothing extreme, and a decreased appetite. I work from home and its slow season at work so I was able to be by her side all week to take care of her. She's
    via u/viserya127
  • Girl on couch having her temperature taken with an ear thermometer
    via Kelly Sikkema

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • slowly getting better but still not feeling great. I updated her dad on her condition so he could keep an eye on it, but now he's saying I'm being selfish and I should skip my trip so he doesn't catch whatever she has.
    via u/viserya127
  • We share custody. During the school year I have her during the week so I can stay on top of her schooling, homework, extra curricular activities etc... If I'm not on top of it, he can't be bothered.
    via u/viserya127
  • Her dad picks her up from school on Fridays and has her for the weekend. I pick her back up Sunday morning just before noon to take her to horse back riding lessons and the cycle continues. The only
    via u/viserya127
  • exception is the summer which is a lot more hectic but she spends 90% of her summer with me or camping & traveling with my side of the family.
    via u/viserya127
  • A camper van parked in front of a forest
    via Clay Banks (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • She first started getting sick last weekend while she was at her dad's, so if he was going to catch it, he would have already.
    via u/viserya127
  • He insists I should be keeping her at my house until she's feeling better. I told him I'd be dropping her off tonight after work and he called me selfish b*tch. AITA?
    via u/viserya127
  • WTH4030 How many nights will you be gone? If more than one, can you cut trip a bit short and return early? Do you have a kind sister, mom, or other relative who could care for your child while you are away? You certainly deserve a break, but also thinking of your daughter, who will be feeling she is a burden to both parents when she is ill. Will your ex prepareher meals and give her meds?. Has she been seen by her pediatrician to see if she has Covid or flu, or perhaps pneumonia? Knowing what ai
    via u/WTH4030
  • OP viserya127 I'm leaving tonight after dinner and returning home Sunday morning. I don't have other family near me that can watch her unfortunately. The family she sees in the summer snow bird down south as soon as the snow hits.
    via u/viserya127
  • capacitytorock NTA. I can see why y'all are divorced.
    via u/capacitytorock
  • OP viserya127 Never married, thankfully I saw his true colours before we got to that point
    via u/viserya127
  • Chelular07 It sounds like he can't be bothered with a sick child any more than he can be bothered to help with homework or activities. Have fun at your concert, you deserve it. NTA I would maybe have a conversation with you to your daughter on the way to her dad's letting her know you weren't prioritizing a concert over her, that she is very important to you, that her dad is just as capable of caring for her as you are, how unlikely it is for him to catch it from her, etc. Just in case your ex t
    via u/Chelular07
  • OP viserya127 Thank you, that's an excellent idea. I can totally see him trying to pull some snake move like that
    via u/viserya127
  • Amateur_professor NTA. If her respiratory symptoms are more than 5 days old, she is likely out of the incubation phase and is probably not infectious. Or at least much less infectious than she was last weekend.
    via u/Amateur_professor
  • Paperwhite418 Her father is capable of caring for her. NTA. Go and enjoy your show
    via u/Paperwhite418
  • dndro13 NTA. He's applying a completely different standard to you than he'd apply to himself. Heaven forbid he actually has to provide care for his child when they're not at their best.
    via u/dndro13
  • Mathias Aurelius Because it's Papa Roach, you ATA
    via u/MathiasAurelius
  • TheSecretls Marmite NTA. He is her parent. It is his custody time. He just doesn't want to deal with her when she's ill because he's a bad parent.
    via u/TheSecretlsMarmite
  • NTA KrofftSurvivor Parenting isn't just about the fun times if he can't take care of his own child, he's useless.
    via u/KrofftSurvivor

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divorced concert fever shame dad sick traveling daughter Reddit raising kids mom parents vacation custody family drama selfish caretaking
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