Couple asks 26-year-old friend to shave her armpit hair before their beach wedding, claims it will be 'distracting' for other guests: 'They are accusing me of trying to take attention away from their wedding'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 8, 2025 10:00 PM EST

Everyone is in charge of their own body hair, end of story. We all get to decide what, if anything, we want to do with it. And nobody else gets the right to tell us what to do. Sure, there are certain social expectations, but we get to decide whether or not we're going to conform to them. After all, it will never truly affect someone else. But not everyone agrees with me on this. Some would rather that everyone bend to convention because it happens to align with their personal tastes. The question is, though, do you get to inflict your opinions on everyone else? Do you get to do that at your wedding?

Usually, attending a wedding means having to look a certain way, whether you like it or not. There is likely a dress code that you will be asked to conform to, and a general expectation that you'll try to appear your best. It's not about you, you think, so you can conform at least for a day. But would true friends ask you to change something about yourself just for the comfort of everyone else?

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  • A young woman wears sunglasses on a wooden bench on the beach
    via Spenser Sembrat

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's the question that came up in this story, when a woman's armpit hair became a point of contention. The way she saw it, she was just doing what she always does and minding her own business. The way the couple saw it, she was trying to make a statement on their big day. Scroll on to read what happened in this story and decide who you're siding with. 

  • Would I be in the wrong if I refused to shave my armpits for my friends wedding?

    BACKGROUND: So I (26f) stopped shaving my armpits a few years ago and found that I greatly prefer not having bald armpits. I'm a sweaty person, and having hair prevents my pits from getting swampy and sweating off every single deodorant/antiperspirant known to mankind. I also have sensitive skin and get horrible rashes and razor burn from shaving. My decision to not shave
    via u/Adventurous-Pea-337
  • my armpits is primarily personal, but I am aware that it is going against a societal/gender norm, and is therefore inherently political or subject to being politicized. Under no circumstances though am I refusing to shave solely to make a political statement.
    via u/Adventurous-Pea-337
  • ISSUE: My friends are getting married next summer, and they've invited me to their wedding. It's also a destination wedding, and many of the wedding party events will involve wearing a swimsuit or clothes that expose my armpit hair, as it will be summer in Mexico. I asked about dress codes for the various events, and both the bride and groom said they won't be strict about dress codes as long as everyone is "well groomed." | figured I knew what that meant considering I do work a
    via u/Adventurous-Pea-337
  • professional job, but then they took this conversation as an opportunity to warn me that some other wedding guests may be uncomfortable with the fact I dont shave. I reminded them that they invited me to this wedding with the full knowledge that I dont shave my armpits, as it's not exactly a secret. They said that they assumed I shaved for special
    via u/Adventurous-Pea-337
  • events where I needed to "look presentable." I said I always look presentable for special occasions and that shaving my armpits has nothing to do with it. If people take issue with it, then that's their problem. Now they are accusing me of trying to take attention away from their wedding by making a political statement. I told them I'm not doing that at all and that I dont
    via u/Adventurous-Pea-337
  • shave because its a personal preference, but ultimately got a "whatever you say" as a response. They have not at this point said I cant go if I dont shave, so I'm planning on going and not shaving. WIBTA for doing that? Again, they know I don't shave and haven't for years. I wasn't even thinking about my armpit hair until they brought it up. I even said I can trim it a little
    via u/Adventurous-Pea-337
  • and they said "it would still be very distracting." I've also explained to them my skin sensitivity, but they seem dead set on believing I dont shave to make a statement. They've said "well you're a feminist so there's no way it's not a political statement." They're making me feel like an asshole, that's for sure, but am I REALLY the asshole?
    via u/Adventurous-Pea-337
  • A group of people stand at an altar at a beach wedding.
    via Katya Bulgakova - Photographer

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters came in with their opinions.

    . MissMarionMac • 13h ago If this couple are so boring that your body hair would be the "center of attention" at their wedding, that sounds. like a Them problem.
    via u/MissMarionMac
  • prevknamy 13h ago I'm really put off by under arm hair on women. I simultaneously know that there is no logical reason for me to feel that way and I should keep my stupid. opinion to myself. If I don't like seeing it I can do something radical like shift my eyes three feet to the left. I wouldn't ask the person to go shave. NTA
    via u/prevknamy
  • Impossible_Turn_... 13h ago Info: Are they also concerned with men's chest or belly or back hair? Pubes poking out of bathing suits? Dry feet and toenails visible at the beach? These are all grooming issues that people might complain about.
    via u/Impossible_Turn_7627
  • L….. • 13h ago Edited 10m ago I kind of get the feeling I could be downvoted for this, but no NTA if you went without shaving. I just honestly have thought it was so weird how people try to dictate other people's body parts. For myself, I shave when I feel like it; sometimes I
    via u/LoudDragonfruit2537
  • will sometimes I won't. I would never comment on someone else. Because like... it's just quite frankly none of my business?? lol. Never understood why men are allowed to not shave but we have to. These people sound weird for even bringing it up.
    via u/LoudDragonfruit2537
  • ETA: people seem upset by me saying "I get the feeling I would be downvoted". I was one of the first comments under this post. Wasn't sure how reddit would feel, lol. Seems like everyone agrees!
    via u/LoudDragonfruit2537
  • cyborgheron • 13h ago I would genuinely reconsider my friendship with someone if they organically brought up my visible armpit hair and "being a feminist" as a negative. Bummer. Would be nice to go to a destination wedding.
    via u/cyborgheron
  • I swear to god. Victorian women didn't shave their armpits. We haven't even been doing this for that long. 4 generations, 5 max? Context: I stopped shaving my armpits regularly but will do it when the mood strikes me or when I don't want to deal with more conservative
    via u/cyborgheron
  • people at an event. I hang out with a liberal friend circle and watch queer-coded media to the point where I forget this is still a really big deal to a lot of people. I don't think you'll be a Bad Feminist for shaving for one event, but now that you know it's so important to them, do you even want to go? They sound like it's a big deal to them.
    via u/cyborgheron
  • 1313deadendone • 13h ago NTA. Is the groom gonna shave his pits? How about all the male guests? If this grooming is so important it should extend to everyone, right? But we know it doesnt.
    via u/1313deadendone
  • It doesn't matter why you do or do not shave. It doesnt matter if its a statement, if its personal, or if its due to health. At the end of the day as long as you are well groomed, smell good, and overall keep proper hygiene it is none of their business.
    via u/1313deadendone
  • You wouldn't be the asshole for going. But im not sure i would personally consider this person a good friend. They are trying to control your body, they are obsessing over your body hair....its just weird. Women have body hair, the same as men. There is nothing distracting or gross. about it. Like you said if someone takes issue with it that is their problem-- not yours.
    via u/1313deadendone
  • SufficientComedia... 13h ago NTA, ask if the groom and his friends will be shaving his pits as well? It's isn't anyone's business if you shave your underarm hair or not. (Or legs, bikini area, etc) I'm questioning your friends. I'm sorry.
    via u/SufficientComedian6
  • wharleeprof 13h ago . NTA Who are their snowflake friends/family who presumably can deal with armpit hair on however many men on the beach, but just can't deal with one more set of pit hair that happens to be on a woman?
    via u/wharleeprof
  • They are the ones choosing to politicize your armpits. I thought for sure this was going to be a question about strapless bridesmaid dresses, not guests in swimming suits on the beach. Take the high road and be prepared with a gracious but bland explanation for anyone who does happen to comment.
    via u/wharleeprof
  • Frequent Gene_4... . 13h ago NTA I could write a book about why, but ultimately, if anyone is getting their panties in a bunch about someone else keeping (or removing, or dyeing, trimming, styling) the hair that grows on their own damn body, they seriously need to reassess their priorities.
    via u/Frequent_Gene_4498
  • I see dudes with facial hair that I think looks bad pretty much every time I leave the house. I see people with haircuts that I don't like equally as often. I see people dressed in ways I don't care for, with accessories I don't like, tattoos I think are hideous. And honestly? None
    via u/Frequent_Gene_4498
  • of those things have ever come close to ruining my day. People have different aesthetic preferences, and it would be pretty weird if I expected other people to cater to mine. As far as gender norms go....fuck em.
    via u/Frequent_Gene_4498
  • MoreClever UserN... . 13h ago NTA your friends are delusional if they think they can dictate how you keep your body hair groomed.
    via u/MoreCleverUserName
  • Sailor Moon Moon... 13h ago NTA-shaving irritates your skin. That is reason enough not to. As long as you're keeping yourself clean and applying deodorant, they shouldn't be giving you grief. And as far as aesthetics? It's not like you are lifting your arms and showing your pits to the world nonstop at a wedding. They need to lighten up.
    via u/Sailor_MoonMoon785
  • roundfood4every... • • 13h ago NTA. I would literally never ask a friend to shave their armpits. Hairy arm pits are not my personal preference but I don't give a crap what my friends do if it makes them happy and feel good in their skin.
    via u/roundfood4everymood
  • nmw84pdx • 13h ago I have sensitive skin too and my shaving rash can last for weeks. That ish hurts so bad. I'd consider trimming it, but I wouldn't shave it. Maybe you could bleach it and dye it to match your wedding dress for funsies
    via u/nmw84pdx

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