Entitled family expects 18-year-old daughter to continue being the go-to caretaker for her grandmother, but she refuses to continue the cycle: ‘I'm tired of doing everything’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Dec 15, 2025 6:00 PM EST

The youngest of the family is either the child everyone forgets about or the person to whom everyone dumps their troubles and worries; there is no in-between.

If you are on the younger end of your family tree, you have likely experienced some iteration of being the somehow forgotten problem-solver. It's great to know that your loved ones place great value on your ability to keep it together, but this altruistic flattery wanes each time they forget that you're a person, too, with real responsibilities that extend beyond the family dynamic.

When you're 18 years old, the world is your oyster. You are a legal adult, and you can finally consider yourself independent from your parents. Even though the legal system deems you old enough to support yourself, times are tough. Moving out isn't always an option, and when parents keep a roof over your head, you live by their rules. Some of these regulations are tougher than others, and in the story you're about to read, they go beyond the typical mowing of the lawn and washing of the dishes. How about being your grandmother's sole caretaker?

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    senior woman in the backseat of a vehicle with a photo of a stressed young woman overlayed
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • An 18-year-old should be worrying about college applications and scoring an internship that'll look good on their resume. This recently turned adult woman is caught in the role of being her grandmother's caretaker, driving her to appointments and ensuring she gets the medication she needs to thrive. Her mother continues to push this role onto her, but she's become fed up. A senior woman who needs a caretaker should not be looking toward an 18-year-old for medical support.

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    "AITA For Refusing to Drive My Grandmother to All of Her Appointments?"

    I (18F) live with my grandmother (77) and mother (58). Over time, my grandmother began to be debilitated by vertigo and another unknown chronic illness.
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    At first, all I did for her was take over doing light housework (vacuuming and mopping, cleaning bathroom, ect.), but after a hospitalization and increasing health problems, I became the sole person managing her medications, doctors' appointments, and cleaning (including at some points cleaning up her).
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    Before this, when I got my license at 16, my grandmother agreed I could use her car as long as I asked her and so long as I drove her to her long- distance doctors' appointments (CO allowed her to go to most of her doctors virtually; the rest were less than 15 minutes away from us) to which I agreed.
    via The_LittleLesbian
  • 05
    Right after she got out of the hospital, at 17, I was having to drive her 1.5/2 hours one way to appointments 2/3x a week, all while managing college classes and packing myself and her for our across-state move.
    via The_LittleLesbian
  • 06
    To say I was exhausted would be an understatement. I repeatedly asked my mom for help to no avail.
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    Throughout all of this, my grandmother was difficult and incredibly disrespectful to me. Calling me names and purposely making things like scheduling her doctors appointments more difficult.
    via The_LittleLesbian
  • 08
    My mom just made excuses for the name-calling and manipulative behavior, or told me I just had to rise above it.
    via The_LittleLesbian
  • 09
    And I'll be the first to admit I became jaded really fast. I lost any sympathy I had for my grandmother and her 'condition' (which only ever seems to flare up when she doesn't want to do something or wants me to feel bad) because never once was there a true, meaningful "I'm sorry" or "thank you".
    via The_LittleLesbian
  • 10
    After her hospitalization, the state was notified that her conditions could impair her driving, and her license was revoked.
    via The_LittleLesbian
  • 11
    Since she wasn't able to drive the car anymore, she gave it to me (I have the title and paperwork all signed, literally all I have to do is file it).
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    Since then, she's become very sedentary, doing nothing but sitting in her room playing computer games or watching YouTube.
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    I, on several occasions, tried to get her into senior programs (free in our area), to get her out of the house, but she just made it difficult, and I gave up.
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    In November, I had an intensive surgery. I spent all of October preparing my mother to step up to take care of her full-time because, while I was recovering, I did not want to deal with it.
    via The_LittleLesbian
  • 15
    The goal was, even after I had recovered, to have a more even split of the caregiving responsibilities and to also give some more responsibility back to my grandmother.
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    My mom dropped the ball, and now (when I'm not even fully out of my recovery window) I am once again taking care of everything.
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    a woman sitting at a table with her hands on her head
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 18
    Among the things my grandmother was supposed to do, scheduling herself for physical therapy was the most important.
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    Yesterday, after coming home from a doctor's appointment, she immediately cornered me in the kitchen about what day I'm going to be driving her to PT.
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    I told her that we would have to wait for my mom to come home, as she'd need to take her to some of these appointments.
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    She told me that my mother works so hard and that it was unfair to make my mom drive her to some appointments.
    via The_LittleLesbian
  • 22
    She said that, when I first started using the car, I agreed to drive her to the doctors.
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    I said that I work hard too, and that my mom agreed to share the burden so that I wasn't my grandmother's sole caregiver.
    via The_LittleLesbian
  • 24
    My grandmother sarcastically said your not my sole caregiver. I just snapped. I said that on top of my other responsabilities I am managing her medications, her doctors appointments, going to almost all of them, and cleaning up after her.
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    That she makes it incredibly difficult and that I'm tired of doing everything. She did what she always does when she's met with any critisim and began to walk away from the conversation while yelling offensive stuff.
    via The_LittleLesbian
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    I said that it wasn't fair to walk away everytime she hears something she doesn't like.
    via The_LittleLesbian
  • 27
    When my mother got home my grandmother acted like I was the worst grandaughter and threatened to 'take away' the car because I wasn't 'holding up my end of the bargain'.
    via The_LittleLesbian
  • 28
    When I went to say "I love you, goodnight", she just said "do you really now?" I walked away without saying anything else.
    via The_LittleLesbian
  • 29
    So, am I the asshole? What the hell do I do now. I'm so tired of having to manage a grown womans emotional outbursts and poor planning.
    via The_LittleLesbian

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responsibility family drama mother caretaker daughter grandmother
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