New mom refuses to invite husband's parents to Christmas despite inviting her own family, claims she's still "healing" from having a baby: 'You're not still healing, you're manipulating the situation'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 19, 2025 10:00 AM EST

Christmas means something different to everyone, but for most people who celebrate it, it's a time to get together with family. It might be the only time of year when you come together to celebrate family. Maybe you all live in different places, and it's the one time when you can drop everything to see each other. Or maybe you define your own traditions. Either way, though, you're probably negotiating family in some way or another. But things can get complicated when you start your own family. 

When you marry someone who also celebrates Christmas, you might have to make some tough choices about where you're spending the holiday, and with whom. Compromise is always in order. But compromise means that both parties are making a sacrifice, not just one. But when one voice is more powerful in a duo, it might be easy to be overpowered and outnumbered. That's what happened in this story, where a couple who had just given birth were facing what to do with their holiday plans. The wife wanted just her family over, which put her husband in a tough spot. 

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  • A woman in a red dress sits next to a Christmas tree
    via Unsplash+ (Andy Quezada)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Having a newborn is not an easy thing. It has a way of taking up all of your time and energy. But if you have enough bandwidth to see one side of your family, shouldn't that extend to the other side? That's the question that came up in this story. Read on for all the details and decide what you would have done. 

  • Am I in the wrong for not inviting my husbands family to Christmas?

    130 (f) have been married to my husband (34) for 2 years. We recently had a baby who is almost 2 months old. Because of our newborn we did not spend Thanksgiving with anyone and chose to stay home. We both have large families.
    via u/Cheap-Plane2818
  • I am still healing from giving birth and I'd really like to see my immediate family for Christmas. I told my husband and we agreed to invite them over. His parents called and asked if we'd be going to their house for Christmas (they typically host his immediate family). My husband told them no and we'd be hosting our own Christmas.
    via u/Cheap-Plane2818
  • His parents then texted me asking what they should bring to Christmas. I politely told them they were not invited. They told me they want to see their grandchild and I told them I understood that but that they were not invited to the house that day. His mom then proceeded to tell me I'm manipulating her son and keeping her grandchild away and I'm a horrible wife and mother. I just responded by saying thank you because I didn't know what else to say.
    via u/Cheap-Plane2818
  • My husband didn't know she texted me until after he got home from work. He understands my point but I just know he feels like he's stuck in the middle. We are having very limited people and I am not close to his family. I don't like his mom and I don't want to be with them while I'm healing. AITA?
    via u/Cheap-Plane2818
  • Update: My husband came into our room and asked to talk to me. He said his mom called about Christmas while I was feeding the baby and told him how awful of a wife and mother she thinks I am and how she has rights as the child grandparent. My husband said she kept arguing with him and he got so frustrated he told her to take us to court if she thinks she has rights (in our state there is no grandparents rights).
    via u/Cheap-Plane2818
  • While we were talking about my phone started to get a lot of messages. It was just her texting me that I'm awful and it's my fault. He asked me to block her and said he told her he would be the only person she should contact moving forward and that he won't be going over there this weekend anymore.
    via u/Cheap-Plane2818
  • A man and a woman sit in front of a christmas tree holding each other
    via Unsplash+ (Andy Quezada)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters though there might be more going on here.

    DeliciousQuantity... This kind of reads like you have no intentions of letting his family meet your baby. I'm sure you have reasons for not liking his mom but when you get married you marry the family to and completely excluding them is quite rude and really not fair to your husband. I don't like my
    via u/DeliciousQuantity968
  • husbands family either but we still see them every Christmas because thats just what you do when your married. YTA in this situation based on the information given.
    via u/DeliciousQuantity968
  • ImpossibleReason... YTA. It would have been simple enough to say "We're just staying home this year". Instead you made them feel left out. But what do you care? You don't like them anyway.
    via u/ImpossibleReason2204
  • Willing-Helicopter... YTA. This isn't a situation where you decide who can come to the hospital when you have the baby. You're specifically telling his parents you're doing Christmas with only immediate family and they aren't invited. You're causing issues.
    via u/Willing-Helicopter26
  • S... YTA. You're okay with seeing your family, but not his so of course he feels caught in the middle. And to them, you've given no real explanation why they can't come other than you're still recovering. But you've recovered enough to see your family. They are
    via u/Spiritual_Truth_5152
  • asking what they can bring to your house, so it doesn't seem like they are expecting you to cater to them. You're just saying no to them and yes to your family. You're hiding behind the "oh, I'm still healing" excuse but you said the quiet part out loud. You don't like his mom.
    via u/Spiritual_Truth_5152
  • EDIT: I've been reading your responses to other YTA comments. If your MIL is as bad as you say she is, if her disrespect is as bad as you say it is, if your husband is really in agreement about the holidays as you say he is...you wouldn't be on reddit as AITA. Something else is going on that you're not explaining.
    via u/Spiritual_Truth_5152
  • MidnightAngel96 YTA - I understand that you're not fond of his mother but she IS his mother and your childs grandmother. not to mention it seems like you're playing favorites. Why not have your parents in the morning and his parents in the afternoon for a few hours?
    via u/MidnightAngel96
  • DrTeethPhD YTA for not arranging a different day (perhaps Boxing Day?) for them to visit. Having a small Christmas gathering is fine, but your husband and his family, which includes your child, deserve to celebrate the holidays together too.
    via u/DrTeethPhD
  • Porch Swing24 YTA. I don't buy the healing excuse. Your child is 2 months old and you're entitled to be tired, but having the baby's grandparents stop by for a visit is not going to impact your "healing." Don't invite them for dinner if you don't want to, but I understand the MIL thinking
    via u/PorchSwing248
  • they would be included, and it was nice of her to ask what she could bring. I imagine there's more to the story than her going off on you about manipulating her son.
    via u/PorchSwing248
  • cottonmercer666 YTA, big time. I really don't. care if you like his mother or not, she is your husband's mother and your child's grandmother. And, maybe he would like to see his immediate family and have them see his new born child? This isn't some random weekend, this is one of the biggest holiday on the calendar.
    via u/cottonmercer666
  • elyseh8s2bu You're not still healing, you're manipulating the situation. YTA, poor husband
    via u/elyseh8s2bu
  • jmgolden33 ESH So your plan is to just not see them, not communicate with them, and not propose any alternatives? Not saying you're under any obligation to host them, but it seems like you're taking an especially selfish POV here where only your preferences matter.
    via u/jmgolden33
  • AholeEnthusiastic YTA in this case. Either invite them over for another day when you knew you were going to invite your own family. Could be a week or two afterwards even just for some coffee. But don't sit on your high horse pretending that only inviting your own
    via u/AholeEnthusiastic
  • family and actively shutting them out woudnt hurt his family. I'm sure it also hurts for your husband deep down but he won't push it since you recently gave birth.
    via u/AholeEnthusiastic
  • Routine_Ad2940 YTA. Many families split holidays between in-laws, but you (and your husband) handled this terribly. Better communication of "we'd like to just have these people on Christmas Day but we'll see you the next day" or something would have avoided hurt feelings.
    via u/Routine_Ad2940
  • MxMirdan INFO. Sounds like you had cut off his parents before baby, and that for previous Christmases he went to their gatherings alone. If that's the case, what did the two of you discuss would be your family policy about his parents before THIS baby was born?
    via u/MxMirdan
  • W... If you're well enough to see your family, you're well enough to see his family. You can handle a single day with them. YTA - you're making this all about you, and you've put your husband in a horrid position.
    via u/wesmorgan1
  • Hopeful-Wave4822 Soft yta unless we know why you hate her this much. It's an extremely hurtful thing to do to a grandparent when you could have not told them, or done something on another day. (Saying this as one of those heinous daughters in law that didn't let anyone in the hospital after giving birth)
    via u/Hopeful-Wave4822
  • Icy-Talk-5141 I understand you want to heal and be with your family but you should either have both your immediate families over, or no one at all to avoid any arguments. Maybe there's a compromise you can come up with? You could have your immediate family over one day, and the next day have his over. That way it's less people all at once.
    via u/Icy-Talk-5141
  • When you get married, and especially when you have kids with someone, you do have to somewhat involve your partners family too. You're all family now regardless of if you don't like them. Have a discussion with your husband on what you guys can do so that everyone is content. Good luck, I know family drama can be draining and difficult to deal with sometimes.
    via u/Icy-Talk-5141

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christmas family drama mother Christmas party in laws mother in law new mom newborn
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