Rebecca skips friend’s 30th birthday trip after trying to upscale it, then cries betrayal when told everyone already expected her to cancel like always: ‘She [said] she won’t apologise for not being able to attend “one” event’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Dec 21, 2025 3:00 PM EST

It's like some people make cancelling last-minute a hobby, a passion, like they've made a commitment to cancel commitments. And Rebecca sounds like the supreme leader of this strange group of people.

This story is what happens when birthday plans meet social class warfare. When a once-close friend, Rebecca, cancels yet another commitment, this time a 30th birthday getaway she'd already tried to turn into a luxury retreat. Once known for lateness and last-minute changes, Rebecca's behavior graduates to full-scale flaking after climbing into corporate life, where reliability apparently files under "optional." The host expects as much, gives the group a gentle warning, and watches prophecy play out when Rebecca announces she can't come. The reply is short and factual, but honesty never sits well with the guilty. Cue a teary voice note accusing cruelty, betrayal, and "ending a friendship over one event."  

In this circle, accountability travels about as fast as delayed flights. Rebecca treats social plans like LinkedIn networking opportunities, only showing up if the vibe screams expensive. The friend, meanwhile, simply stops pretending that emotional investment comes with reward points. Each canceled dinner becomes a quiet demotion, and by the time the trip rolls around, loyalty has already packed its own suitcase.

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  • “Friend” upset I told people I knew she’d cancel

    Two women sitting outdoors, one visibly upset and speaking emotionally while the other looks calm and detached, appearing unsurprised and unfazed by the situation.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My "friend", Rebeccal and I have been growing apart for a while, largely due to how flakey she has been for the last three years (since getting into better paid corporate life).
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  • It started with being late, changing planned locations last minute, then it became accidentally double booking me with people from her job and having to cancel, then she would just stop showing up to any plans.
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  • She lost that job and friend group, and tried to pick back up with me, but I was upfront and honest about refusing to be an afterthought.
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  • She made a very big show of trying to be better, got a new even better paid job and almost immediately dropped me again.
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  • I wasn't hurt, just couldn't be bothered chasing friendship with someone who obviously doesn't want it!
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  • Recently she's been really trying again, I have very much kept things at arm's length. Now she only wants to do things with people. if they're exciting and very expensive and it became a real sticking point
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  • Two women outdoors, one calmly comforting her distressed friend with a knowing, unsurprised expression, suggesting she expected the situation to unfold this way.
    via Jose Calsina

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I had planned a small trip away for my birthday (turning 30) with a few friends and she was invited (but not really expected).
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  • She immediately began trying to upgrade the whole event, and when told no became very sullen.
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  • I could see the writing on the wall so gave everyone else a heads up so they weren't trying to plan around her attending.
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  • At the end of last week she texted me to say she can't come (vague excuse given) and she hoped it wouldn't "ruin" everyone's weekend.
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  • I just responded "that's alright! I'd already told the girls I suspected you wouldn't come after we wouldn't change hotels, so no big deal!" I didn't hear back for a couple days but she's just sent me a pretty angry, and crying, voicenote saying my response was incredibly shitty, especially since I'd already told people I thought she'd cancel rather than keep it to myself.
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  • And she's devastated that I'd end our friendship over her not being able to attend "one" event.
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  • And she won't apologise for trying to upgrade the plans to make things "special" Honestly I haven't replied yet, but I'm taken aback at that response?
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  • I expected sullen silence till the next attempt at contact, so not sure how to respond.
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  • But I didn't think I did anything wrong? (Originally posted on AITA but they deleted it?)
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  • fawningandconning You didn't do anything wrong, I wouldn't fall into any of her tactics here. Just say I don't know what to tell you, you constantly cancel so I let everyone know to expect this from you.
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  • OP Optimal_Fish_7029 I said it another comment, but I genuinely didn't even think when I told her, she said she was worried about "ruining" the weekend by not coming, and I was trying to assure her it wasn't ruined because we'd already planned around it, but I can see me telling her coming across as flippant to be fair
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  • sassyfangz She's not mad you told people she'd cancel. She's mad you saw through her before she could play the victim. You called the flake, she flaked, and now she's devastated you didn't pretend to be surprised. She wanted the drama of letting you down, not the accountability of being predictable. Your response was perfect. Don't ruin it with a reply.
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  • OP Optimal_Fish_7029 I had been considering just not responding, but didn't know if that was justified, definitely leaning that way after these comments. Honestly on reflection I think her big reaction is probably a mix of embarrassment and not knowing the specifics of what exactly I told the girls (they don't even know her so I didn't say anything other than what I said in the post) but I know Rebecca can be really insecure at times so I do wonder if it's that unknown that's been playing on her
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  • Few_Sprinkles_3866 I suspect she wants a response. So don't give her what she wants. Hope you have a lovely birthday.
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  • OP Optimal_Fish_7029 Thank you! It's only dinner and drinks in the city then all piling into a big shared hotel room to chill and catch up, I'm really looking forward to the night away though!
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  • Ok-Hovercraft-9257 I don't know why you're still talking to this person It's ok to outgrow friendships Please stop inviting her to things
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  • OP Optimal_Fish_7029 Truthfully she was invited only because she was there when the idea of a trip was initially brought up, it felt too "Mean Girl" to not then offer a lukewarm invitation
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  • Swampy_63 This friendship has outlasted its expiration date. Time to "cut bait".
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  • OP Optimal_Fish_7029 Honestly I agree! Just trying not to be an asshole about it haha
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  • nolongerabell Keep her in her place and don't let her walk all over you. She is trying to put the blame back on you saying you were rude. The way you said things and dealt with things. And you weren't, you were just blunt and honest, and if a person can't handle being around a very blunt honest person, then they don't need to be friends with them.
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  • OP Optimal_Fish_7029 It's funny you mention "blunt" because I was diagnosed Autistic as an adult and suddenly realised why people would always tell me I'm "straight to the point" or "blunt" because I always just thought I was just speaking haha
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  • pizzandvodka I'd be so tempted to schedule something fancy with her to make up and flake H
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  • OP Optimal_Fish_7029 That seems far too much effort haha!
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  • RaymondBeaumont meh, i wouldn't even answer.
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  • Short-pitched It's not really a friendship like why do you still entertain her? I would simply not respond and go on your birthday trip, have fun and forget her and the voice note. All this crying etc is to get attention and get people to put her on a pedestal
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  • Desperate ToNotDream "So you're mad that I anticipated you'd do exactly what you did?" But honestly just cut her out of your life already
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  • This story sits somewhere between comedy and anthropology, a case study in how self-importance dresses itself as sentiment. Rebecca grieves a friendship she’d been ghosting for years, mistaking consequences for cruelty.  

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friendship bad friend birthday friends mean girls Party trip
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