29-year-old boyfriend tries to prevent 28-year-old girlfriend from adopting a cat, despite them not living together and that he has his own three cats: 'I asked his opinion, not for permission.'

Author image for Ayala Sorotsky
Ayala Sorotsky • Writer and Editor
Dec 30, 2025 3:00 PM EST

We have to say before we start, that we're not relationship advisers. We never pretended to be, and we're not about to start now. But we have to admit that we've never thought a couple's relationship could become so brittle over this kind of cat adoption. And no, it's not the tale as old as time where the couple moves in together but one of them dislikes the cat. This couple here? They don't even live together. But does it end here? No, because it's not about "My girlfriend's cat doesn't like me, what advice can you give me?" sort of situation. It's just a boyfriend who doesn't want his girlfriend to adopt a cat.

But get this kicker - they don't even live together. It's a boyfriend trying to prevent his girlfriend from adopting the cat she wants, in her apartment, under her responsibility. But get this kicker (2) - he has three cats of his own. You understand? He's not a cat-hater. Is he a control freak? Is he jealous of the attention his girlfriend will give the cat? We don't know - and this is why it's so fascinating.

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  • 01
    Hi! As the title says, I'm a 28F and I'm planning to adopt a cat. I'm actually picking him (the cat) up at the end of the week.
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 02
    When my partner (29M) found out, he got mad at me for going through with it.
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 03
    For context, I did ask his advice beforehand, and he suggested I shouldn't get a cat because he thinks I won't have the time or money for it.
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 04
    I get where he's coming from, but I do have the finances, and while time will be a challenge, I'm prepared to make sacrifices.
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 05
    After I met the cat at the shelter, I totally fell in love and decided I wanted to give him a home.
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 06
    What confuses me is... my partner has three cats of his own. He's a huge cat person.
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 07
    So I really don't understand why he's upset that I want one too. We don't even live together, so I'll be fully responsible for caring for the cat.
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 08
    I'll admit I lashed out at him when he got angry, because I genuinely don't see what I did wrong.
    via animallove_throwaway

  • It's such a confusing situation to be in, so we're not exactly blaming the girlfriend for “lashing out”, as she puts it. Look, we're not relationship advisers by any means, but when you're excited about something so pure, so selfless, as adopting a cat - especially when you talk about it to such a close person who also has cats - we'd also be so confused if they insisted on disapproving. And such confusion can make a person “lash out”, that's basic psychology. Should she lash out? Probably not. But if she yelled at him, we can see the depths from which it came from.

  • 09
    I asked his opinion, not for permission. AIO for lashing out?
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 10
    couple sitting fat apart on two edges of the couch, in a feud. both are crossing their arms and legs, unhappy and annoyed.
    via @prostock-studio

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 11
    N4meless24- > I'll admit I lashed out at him when he got angry, because I genuinely don't see what I did wrong I feel like this, with no further context, is a bunch of grey and nothing more. What does that even mean? Why do you lash out when you DON'T see whether you made a mistake or not? You both sound immature.
    via N4meless24
  • 12
    OP animallove_throwaway By "lashing out," I literally just mean I raised my voice and told him that I asked for his opinion, not permission. and that the decision to get the cat was ultimately mine. That was it. Honestly, looking back, I don't even know if it counts as lashing out. I was just frustrated because he got angry at me for getting a cat in the first place.
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 13
    Front-Cat-2438 You didn't do anything wrong. What is bf's damage, anyway?
    via Front-Cat-2438
  • 14
    OP animallove_throwaway thank you. May I know what do you mean by damage?
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 15
    Front-Cat-2438 OP, it's your life. If he doesn't like it when he doesn't even live with you, he can suck it. You don't need his permission, and his opinion is unsolicited. Why is he trying to accomplish by interfering in your living situation? Welcome your new family. Unwelcome your unnecessary hyper control freak.
    via Front-Cat-2438
  • 16
    OP animallove_throwaway Thank you very much
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 17
    Classic Procedure_38 Are you overreacting for "lashing out"? Yeah, probably. Calm communication is always the first port of call. That being said, you're not overreacting for feeling angry. It's your life, your money, and as you say, he already has cats, so why is it such a big problem? Enjoy your cat and if he's got issues, he can skedaddle. You don't need his permission for stuff like this when you don't live together or share finances.
    via Classic_Procedure_38
  • 18
    OP animallove_throwaway Yeah, I get that lashing out wasn't ideal, but I was honestly pissed when he said, "I'm angry because I told you NOT to get a cat and you still did it.” Like... what? This is my cat, my home, my responsibility, my life. I wasn't asking for permission. just his thoughts. And honestly, if my own partner can't be happy or at least supportive about something I'm excited for, then who will be?
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 19
    Main_Physics_4902 Hang on a second, he has cats. What are your time constraints? What environment is the cat going to be in? How often will the cat be alone?
    via Main_Physics_4902
  • 20
    OP animallove_throwaway Exactly yeah. I am confused too. He has cats. Time constraints? Not crazy. I work a normal 9 to 5. The environment of the cat will be great. I have a 1000 sqft apartment all to myself. Sure, Im not with the cat literally every second of the day, but I am sure most normal working adults do not have that luxury.
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 21
    Main_Physics_4902 Where is he getting time constraints from? How often do you spend the night out of the house (at his or otherwise)? Do you have a housemate, will the cat have regular meals and a regular schedule? (Sorry I just saw you live alone - ignore that part!) Is he possibly worried that you'll spend 7 nights a week at his house and he'll have to introduce the cat to his cats?
    via Main_Physics_4902
  • 22
    OP animallove_throwaway Im introverted. I like to stay home. I rarely party (maybe once a year) and prefer to play video games at night. Maybe he is referring to my job being tiring sometimes with OT at home. but I AM at home. So I don't see the problem. Obviously, living with a cat means a lot of responsibilities than living alone, but like I said, I am aware of that and I am OK with that extra responsibility
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 23
    Front-Cat-2438 You defended your decision. You answered his energy with like energy. You didn't attack him verbally- he attacked You verbally.
    via Front-Cat-2438

  • Raising the red flag there is correct. Unfortunately, not everyone who loves cats necessarily loves humans the same. We'd like to think that all cat people are lovely, but sometimes, even the fact that you have three cats of your own isn't an indicator of how you act inside a relationship. And all this behavior on the part of the boyfriend seems wrong, to put it lightly. So this red flag right there? It's in a correct space, in our humble opinion.

  • 24
    OP animallove_throwaway thank you
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 25
    According_Camera7129 Are you planning on living together in the next 10-20 years? Then you should have probably discussed it a little more
    via According_Camera7129
  • 26
    OP animallove_throwaway Maybe. Well we did discuss it, but I've never asked for his opinion if you know what I mean. Because why do I need his permission in the first place?
    via animallove_throwaway
  • 27
    BobDDstryr Maybe he thinks you me be less likely to move in with him if your cats don't along? Or he worries you won't have as much time or attention for him anymore? Maybe he's an asshole and hates that you ignored his advice? I dunno. But if you want a cat and have the means to care for it, I think you should get a cat.
    via BobDDstryr
  • 28
    Southern_Bus4965 Nope! This is what I love about dating - if we're honest with ourselves & objective, we can use the dating period to determine if this person is someone we want to be involved with FOR FOREVER. I don't think I'd like to be stuck with someone who is unreasonable and can't fully explain their "reasoning ". My instinct says he just wants your full attention, he doesn't want to have to compete with the cat.
    via Southern_Bus4965
  • 29
    long-fur tabby cat looking at something outside of the frame
    via @mikrom-ma-elas-images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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boyfriend feud relationship advice cat adoption drama cat adoption relationships girlfriend adopted Cats
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