Tenant changes the lock to her bedroom after discovering roommate goes in without permission, leading roommate to file a complaint to building management: ‘You had no right to make changes’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jan 13, 2026 2:00 PM EST

At some point in your adult life, you will probably find yourself living with people you barely met before. 

We were all 12 once, and we all fantasized about how great it would be to live with our best friends in a charming little apartment as soon as we grew up. We were all so sure we would never have to separate from the people we spend every single day with, but we never really considered just how different our lives are going to be and how unlikely it would be to end up in the same place.

That is how many people find themselves moving into a strange apartment with strange people they definitely didn't go to high school with. Once that happens, it is only a matter of time before one learns just how difficult it is to share a space with someone you don't really know.

The roommates in the story below met through a mutual friend, and specific circumstances led them to move in together. Things even went rather well at first. At least, it was fine until one roommate started to get a little too comfortable; she would go into the other roommate's room, lie on her bed, help herself to her snack, and use her things without asking for permission. This led the other roommate to start locking her bedroom door when she was not at home, but for some reason, that didn't stop the invasive roommate. Pretty soon, it became clear that she had a key to her roommate's bedroom, and she had no problem using it when she wasn't around to see.

A few weeks later, the bedroom's lock was changed, in a final attempt to keep the invasive roommate out. She quickly found out about it, probably when she tried to enter the bedroom and discovered her key no longer fit, and she decided to confront her roommate about it. She dared to complain about no longer being able to invade her roommate's privacy, and claimed it was against the building's rules to change locks without permission.

When the building's management got involved in this dispute, it became clear which roommate was in the wrong and which was in the right, but that didn't change the fact that they still had to live with each other. Safe to say, they will never be besties…

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  • Door opens to a bedroom
    via yipengge

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for changing the lock on my bedroom in a shared apartment without my roommate’s permission?

    I've been sharing an apartment with another woman for about three months now. We didn't know each other well before moving in, but we had a mutual friend.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • She actually asked me to move in because her previous roommate was leaving, and at the time I was really struggling to find a place.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • I had checked a lot of rooms, but either they were too expensive or just didn't feel right.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • When she offered, I went to see the apartment and agreed pretty quickly. At the beginning, she was very nice, and honestly I felt grateful because she helped me when I needed a place.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • Because of that, I ignored a lot of small things. She would come into my room without asking, lie on my bed, walk around the apartment barefoot and then sit on my bed with the same feet.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • She also helped herself to my snacks and used my things. A couple of times I tried to say it lightly, like joking that I can't sleep if someone sits on my bed, but she would just laugh it off and keep doing it.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • Over time, it started bothering me more. I wasn't trying to fight, so I avoided being harsh.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • But I began locking my room whenever I left the apartment. She didn't say anything about that, but when I came back sometimes, I had this strong feeling that someone had been in my room.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • I finally asked her directly if she had a key to my room. She got defensive and said I was being paranoid and imagining things, so I dropped it.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • A few weeks later, when she went out with friends, I asked a friend of mine (who does this kind of work) to change the lock on my bedroom door.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • I just wanted to feel safe in my own space. A few days later, while I was at work, she started sending me angry messages saying I changed the lock without her "permission," that I disrespected her, and that building staff had questioned her about it.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • When I got home, she immediately started yelling, saying she never should've let me move in and that I had no right to make changes.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • I told her calmly that it's my room, and I changed the lock because I didn't feel safe.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • Two angry young women standing at a kitchen holding cardboard boxes
    via izusek

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • She then said she had talked to management and that I have to move out. That didn't sit right with me, so the next day I went to the building office myself.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • The staff told me she already had complaints against her from previous roommates, including bullying and theft.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • They also confirmed I was allowed to change the lock on my private room and that I hadn't broken any rules.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • After that, I officially filed a complaint against her. The very next day, a notice was issued to her.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • Since then, she hasn't said much to me directly, but the atmosphere in the apartment is very tense.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • This place works really well for me in terms of price, location, so despite the tension, I feel safer and more at peace now that my boundaries are protected.
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • AITA for failing the complain?
    via PensionEfficient3823
  • MorganFreemanCoPilot NTA. I'm grappling with the fact that she's so angry that she can't violate your space and steal from you. That's positively insane. Along with that lock, I'd get a camera (if it's legal), too, if I were you. Something tells me that Psycho Sticky Fingers might crash out again or retaliate. If she can't get herself together, is it possible that they'll evict her since she's been issued a notice?
    via MorganFreemanCoPilot
  • egghead6468 NTA- she's just mad she finally got called on her E S. Keep your safety in mind, but if you can deal with the tension, I would just keep living there
    via egghead6468
  • wanderingstorm Nta Your private space in a shared home is YOUR private space. It's obvious to you now that she viewed your space as her space and had zero respect for your boundaries. And now you also know she's stolen from previous roommates so it was wise for you to protect your property. Good for you for speaking with the property management so you know where you stand as far as their rules.
    via wanderingstorm
  • Grrrmudgin NTA. Follow up with management and ask how many complaints until she is kicked out. Find a better roommate at that point
    via Grrrmudgin
  • jeremyism_ab NTA she brought it upon herself. Document her behaviour and report anything even close to harassment, maybe you will be the one to pick a new roommate this time.
    via jeremyism_ab

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management door friendship privacy lock bad roommates friends building bedroom roommates apartment
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