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This young woman is experiencing the downside of group gift-giving. Friends with a higher-earning friend group, she feels the pressure to keep up. But an extra $80 on expensive gifts every few weeks is beginning to add up. Not only does she earn less than half of her friends' salaries, but these little “treats” are starting to highly disrupt her monthly budget. She decides to be honest with them, politely explaining that she can’t afford to partake in buying such pricey gifts, even offering alternative ideas…but her honesty is only used against her…To the point of complete isolation.
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AITJ for telling my friend group I'm not paying for the "group gift" anymore because they always choose expensive things I can't afford
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Lower-income teacher "kicked out" of long-standing friend group when she tells them she can't afford to contribute to expensive group birthday gifts, faces exclusion after asking for a cheaper alternative: 'You make these sacrifices for your friends'
When it comes to birthday gifts, we love to spoil our friends, but at what cost?
I'm almost certain that every person in life has experienced disagreements when it comes to group gift-giving. Especially when we have friends who come from different financial backgrounds. I always joke about how the first thing I would do after winning the lottery is take my group of girls on a huge shopping spree in Paris. And as much as most of us wish we could give our friends the world and more, not everyone is lucky enough to win the lottery, let alone make $100k a year. And if you do, or have the stability to spoil your friends, that's amazing, and you definitely should…But is it fair to assume that friends, who can't quite afford a designer bag or a spa weekend away, should contribute the same to the group gifts?
I've had similar discussions with many of my friends over the years. As someone recently out of college, and exposed to different people from various "walks of life," I am well aware that birthday seasons can be a second thought for some, and a budgeting task for others. So is splitting gifts, or expecting others to do so, truly as sensible or fair as it sounds? I don't think so. But it's not always that easy to be the one who has to exclude themselves from extravagant group gift-giving. I'm sure it can feel quite isolating, and for some, even embarrassing. However, if you're genuinely concerned about the tightness of your everyday expenses, and your friends are aware of this, they should be more understanding. And if they aren't, it may be time to take another look at who you're surrounding yourself with. Friendship shouldn't be based on how much money you spend on an impersonal birthday gift, but on the time and effort you put into those friendships.
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