Divorced parents live together in the same house with their 5 and 13-year-old kids, dad refuses to split the cost of a couch with his ex-wife: 'This is an untenable situation.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 26, 2026 11:00 AM EST

It's a miracle they've been able to live like this for the past three years.

There is no greater relief than finally leaving a situation that has hurt you too much for too long. It's only human to want to find every possible solution to a problem before abandoning ship. We don't want to be quitters who run away from our difficulties the second something gets a little tricky. But once you leave a situation that shows no sign of improving after giving it the old college try for far too long, you realize that leaving was always the only solution that would have worked. Sometimes you need years of suffering through something to have the strength and knowledge to know that leaving is not actually the last resort. It's the solution that you've been seeking for so long.

It's only natural to want to maintain some sense of normalcy when your life radically changes. A parent might still clean their child's bedroom after they go away to college, even when they're not around to make it messy, because it makes them feel better about their absence. A person might continue to reach out to their former best friend, even after it becomes clear they probably won't be able to be friends in the long term, because they're so desperate to maintain that connection and return to the way things used to be. It's tough to accept that your life will never be the way it was again. Even if you can conceptualize the idea that moving on is the right move for you, the past isn't as ideal as you remember it; the emotional reality of such a change can be initially challenging to accept. It's okay to be in denial for a little while, but once you can accept that your marriage is over without crying about it five times a day, you need to take action to create your new life. If you are stuck in the past, you're not going to be able to reap the benefits of the change that will come, whether you like it or not.

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  • 01
    Unhappy thoughtful married couple spouses sitting separately on couch at home wife husband not talking ignoring each other having problems in relationships break up and divorce concept
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The parents in this story are in denial about the fact that their living situation is no longer workable. They've been divorced for years, and now they're having tiffs about household expenses as if they're roommates. They think that all four of them living together in the same house is better for their two kids, but their kids are still living with parents who fight as if they never got divorced. 

  • 02
    Throwaway account for privacy. My (44M) ex-wife (43F) and I do the co- parenting thing where the kids (13M & 5F) stay at the house and she and I cycle in and out during the week so they have stability and aren't going back and forth between houses.
    via u/MyParentsAreCalling
  • 03
    We've been doing this about 3 years and while it has worked, it's getting more difficult.
    via u/MyParentsAreCalling
  • 04
    In the divorce settlement she got the house even though it's still under my name so we can keep our sub 3% mortgage rate.
    via u/MyParentsAreCalling
  • 05
    Under the many line items in the agreement, we agreed to split "wear and tear" things around the house, which when we discussed it would be like if the toilet seat broke or something along those lines.
    via u/MyParentsAreCalling
  • 06
    I know, we should have been SO much more specific, but we weren't, so lesson learned.
    via u/MyParentsAreCalling
  • 07
    Well the upstairs couch needs replacing now and she asked me if that's considered wear and tear.
    via u/MyParentsAreCalling
  • 08
    My response to her was "You have thousands of dollars in debt you're trying to pay off and I have thousands in debt I'm trying to pay off".
    via u/MyParentsAreCalling
  • 09
    It's tight right now for both of us. But I reminded her that we have a $4,000 couch in the downstairs living room that never gets used which could easily come upstairs.
    via u/MyParentsAreCalling
  • 10
    She responded to me by saying "So your kids deserve to live like white trash?". I stopped responding.
    via u/MyParentsAreCalling
  • 11
    Now I've found out that she's getting her parents to finance the couch for her and she informed me that they both hope that I get my priorities straightened out.
    via u/MyParentsAreCalling
  • 12
    Gray padded chaise couch beside window
    via Roberto Nickson

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    And tonight she informed me that I shouldn't be surprised if her parents call me to talk about this situation.
    via u/MyParentsAreCalling
  • 14
    AITA for recommending we move the other couch upstairs so it's not another bill added to plate and not splitting the cost of a new couch with her?
    via u/MyParentsAreCalling
  • 15
    Bunnyprincess34 This is an untenable situation. It also isn't what's best for your kids. It seems like you agreed on "Coparenting" this way because you both have too much debt to hire lawyers, divide your assets, and make a clean break. Unless you're upside down on your mortgage, sell the house and use it to pay off/down your debts.
    via u/Bunnyprincess34
  • 16
    BoardgamesHoarder NTA. I would have suggested moving the couches around also, especially since buying a new couch would add to the debt you are already trying to catch up on. If her parents call just ignore them and don't pick up. You don't owe them an explanation for why you didn't buy a new couch. And how is it "white trash" to use a perfectly good sofa? Your ex needs to get her priorities in order. Can you get that wear and tear agreement changed to actually list what falls under that exactly
    via u/BoardgamesHoarder
  • 17
    Adventurous_Wave8339 NTA. She never planned on spending a penny on that couch herself. She was simply trying to get you to pay half and her parents pay half. She knew all along that her parents would pay if you didn't. She needs to learn to manage her money and stop expecting others to assume the cost of what she wants. Bad example for the kids.
    via u/Adventurous_Wave8339
  • 18
    Fresh_Salt7087 So if you don't have a new couch your white trash?? Also nta. Suggesting ways to not waste 4k is fine.
    via u/Fresh_Salt7087
  • 19
    notretiredanymore Need More Info: Why does using the downstairs couch make you white trash? This doesn't make sense.
    via u/notretiredanymore
  • 20
    Schemen123 Wear and tear on a house usually includes anything immobile and fixed to the house.
    via u/Schemen123
  • 21
    Naomeri NTA-if you have a perfectly good couch that's going unused in its current location, it's perfectly logical to move it to a place in need of a couch, especially when there are debts that need paying.
    via u/Naomeri
  • 22
    Gabby_Craft Why did you spend $4k on a couch in the first place? ESH. Sell the other couch to cover your debt, and other than that the two of you need to work something out so the kids won't witness you argue over this.
    via u/Gabby_Craft
  • 23
    Reasonable-Sale8611 She gets the house but you still pay for it? I don't understand how this works. That said, the couch is clearly not wear and tear on the house as it's not attached to the house. If there is an unused couch in good condition in the house it seems obvious that it should be moved into use rather than buying new. If she wants to buy new, that's on her. Obviously that assumes you have shared all the pertinent information. Are you all basically paying for 3 residences? Yours, hers,
    via u/Reasonable-Sale8611
  • 24
    A man with a hammer on top of a roof
    via Zohair Mirza

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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basement living situation kids house couch parenting debt exes divorce in laws money
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