3 older siblings tell 16-year-old brother that he's the reason they grew up in poverty: 'They told me if I had never been born, everyone's lives would be so much better, and it's not our parents' fault.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 27, 2026 8:00 AM EST

He didn't ask to be born, and yet he's to blame for his siblings' problems instead of the people who had more children than they could feed.

People look for scapegoats to deal with the uncomfortable feelings associated with their own shortcomings. Placing all negative emotions related to a scapegoat helps people maintain a sense of control in situations where they are vulnerable, while also fostering social cohesion within a group. If a pastor has been behaving badly, church leaders are more likely to scapegoat the person who exposed his behavior, because his removal as the church's leader destabilizes the community they've worked so hard to build and maintain. It doesn't matter whether the accuser is right or wrong. Maintaining control of power and an upstanding reputation is the priority. 

Blaming parents for their shortcomings can significantly destabilize the family unit. It's a lot easier to scapegoat a child for being "the bad seed" than to hold a parent accountable for either their bad parenting or insufficient family planning. Significantly older siblings might scapegoat their younger sibling for taking their parents' attention away from them, rather than blaming their parents for not paying enough attention to them. The youngest sibling didn't ask to be born. They were just an infant and a toddler, and had greater needs from their parents than kids who can feed and dress themselves. But if a group of people decides that you're to blame for all of their life's problems, it is incredibly difficult to convince them otherwise. 

Despite self-reporting, a great deal of the population loves to feel like victims and embrace their victimhood at every opportunity. They want everyone to feel bad for them and affirm that they are right about everything, and everyone else is a jealous hater who hates to see them win. If someone who loves to be a victim finds a scapegoat, they will do anything and everything to protect their ego and make sure everyone sees the scapegoat as the villain they believe them to be.

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  • A young man poses by the water
    via me aph

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The siblings in this story are incredibly cruel to their teenage brother. They blame him for the fact that they didn't have enough resources when they were growing up. It would be far too destabilizing to the family unit to blame their parents, so they maintain their parents' innocence at every juncture. 

  • Am I the bad guy for running out on a family weekend after my siblings said they only resent me, and not our parents, for how tough things are financially?

    My parents couldn't really afford to have kids but they had four of us anyway. When it was just my siblings (25m, 23f and 22f) it wasn't as bad.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • Things were kinda tight but my siblings didn't feel it as much. But then they had me (16m) and it got worse.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • Our parents irresponsibility with money got way more clear and I always heard how things got tighter and so much stuff had to be sacrificed or cut to afford to keep me.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • My parents are irresponsible in other ways and they make a ton of bad decisions. It has impacted all four of us over the year.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • Whenever I need to use the internet or do something with tech for school I go to my best friend's house (I'm here rn).
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • Turned on desktop computer
    via Max Andrey

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I sleep at his house sometimes because my parents don't really care if I'm home or not.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • I think they prefer not having any of us around so they can just be irresponsible without any guilt or fight about it.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • But especially me. My parents have said before they regret having me. I always wanted to think my siblings, even if they had some resentment toward me, loved me and knew it was our parents fault things got this bad.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • But they were home this weekend and Friday night they were complaining about our parents never helping them with money and how shitty it was that after I came the money situation got worse.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • They said they could remember life before me and it was better. I asked why they made it sound like it was all my fault when mom and dad were the reason for everything.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • They said they love mom and dad and admitted they accepted them flaws and all. That they never resented them for the bad stuff.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • But they do resent me because I changed things so much and it was all for the worse.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • They told me if I had never been born everyone's lives would be so much better and it's not our parents fault in their opinions.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • I was really freaking hurt. Maybe I even cried a little idk. But my siblings didn't even look guilty admitting they blamed me and not our parents.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • They even told me they wished I would just leave them alone and stop ruining things.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • So I ran out of the family weekend we were having and I went to my best friend's house and I've been here since Friday night.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • My dad came to take me back yesterday but when I resisted he said fuck me and told me to stay then and abandon my family like a baby.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • Man in black crew neck shirt
    via engin akyurt

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • IDK what I'm going to do yet but I wanted to know if I'm TAH for how I handled leaving and my reason for leaving?
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • ChaosRuntimeError- Oh honey, you are not the problem here, being born is not a moral failing, and the way they spoke to you was cruel and unfair. Walking away from people who tell you you shouldn't exist is self-preservation, not being an AH.
    via u/ChaosRuntimeError
  • roseyyyypetalll he wildest part is that they are grown adults (25, 23, 22) bullying a 16 years old. They're punching down because they're too cowardly to face the parents. That is pathetic
    via u/roseyyyypetalll
  • Ryylzoris Original Poster's Reply Maybe they really don't blame our parents. It confirmed that everyone in my family blames me for being born, even my parents and it sucks because I don't have anyone in my family to turn to if I need help.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • FarInvestigator1968 They are all ah you didn't ask to be born it doesn't sound like you've had an easy childhood. I'm glad you have a good friend that you can turn too. Work hard and fully get out as soon as you can. I feel they are paving the way to start the you owe us as soon as you start work. Please reach out for support in school you need to believe you are allowed to protect yourself. Try to not react in the way they want
    via u/FarInvestigator1968
  • Ryylzoris Original Poster's Reply I think my parents might want all of us to start working to give them money and that's why the family weekend happened and why dad showed up yesterday. My parents never went to get me from my best friend's house before. They never even cared where I was or anything. It was weird.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • Icy-Cherry-8143 NOOOO it is not your fault, if they feel they have to blame someone it is your parents. Did you tell your parents the horrible stuff your older siblings told you. What a horrible thing for those 3 adults to say to a teenager! NTA, ask the parents of your friend if they maybe can let your parents know?
    via u/Icy-Cherry-8143
  • Ryylzoris Original Poster's Reply I didn't tell my parents because they say that kind of stuff to me too. It's pretty much my whole family who resents and blames me for existing and not just my siblings.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • Amazingroo 1973 I'm so glad your bestie's parents provide a safe space for you OP. Is there any chance you can move in there and stay at your best friend's house till you finish school?
    via u/Amazingroo1973
  • Ryylzoris Original Poster's Reply I don't know yet. There's a lot of stuff I haven't figured out yet. But maybe. I'd need to talk to them about it. It's not that I think they'd say no but dad showing up yesterday made me wonder if my parents would start crap.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • hedwigflysagain Do not ever give them money. It is a trap that will never end.
    via u/hedwigflysagain
  • Ryylzoris Original Poster's Reply I never would! They'd spend it on stuff that doesn't matter and keep expecting more. One thing I learned from growing up with them is any money they have they will waste.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • Mouse589 Woah, hang on. I think my parents might want all of us to start working to give them money Do your siblings not work?
    via u/Mouse589
  • Ryylzoris Original Poster's Reply I think they have jobs. Or at least have on and off. But they always keep their money.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • Jesiplayssims It sounds like you have done your research. Can you get a part time job without your relatives knowledge?
    via u/Jesiplayssims
  • Ryylzoris Original Poster's Reply They'll probably find out if I get a job and it wouldn't stay quiet for long. But to start with I probably could.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • Jesiplayssims What about emancipation with friend's family's help?
    via u/Jesiplayssims
  • Ryylzoris Original Poster's Reply I'm not eligible for emancipation because I don't have the money needed to be independent and that's one of the things to make you eligible. My best friend's parents can't help me when I'm applying because it would mean automatic rejection for emancipation. And I don't have the money to protect which is sorta the big one that gets emancipation through where I live.
    via u/Ryylzoris
  • hollyjazzy NTA, but the rest of your family are major AHs. Is there anyone else you can live with? You are a child that had no say in being born. I'm so sorry your family is so awful and you are suffering their bullying.
    via u/hollyjazzy
  • Ryylzoris Original Poster's Reply The only people it might be possible to live with are my best friend and his family. But I don't know if I can or not. There's nobody else though.
    via u/Ryylzoris

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brother teenagers siblings poverty irresponsible sister younger brother parents
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