17-year-old brother refuses to drive his sister's friend to school after she rejected his advances: 'Continuing to be around Melissa was making it harder for him to move on.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 27, 2026 8:00 PM EST

He was given a level of responsibility that far exceeded his age.

Teenagers should not be wholly responsible for getting their peers to school. It's very noble for a teen to take on driving their friends without cars or their younger siblings, but if that teen gets grounded and loses driving privileges, it shouldn't mean that the kids that they drive have no way to get to school. Heck, in some states, it's not even legal for a kid under 18 to drive with more than one passenger under 21. Teens do it anyway, but that's all the more reason that they shouldn't be responsible for driving their younger siblings to elementary and middle school. 

There's a reason why we have school buses in the first place! Teens who are 16+ might not have cars of their own or friends/parents who can chauffeur them to and from school. It's a shame that there isn't better public transportation outside major cities in the United States, so teens can get to extracurricular activities without their parents' help. On paper, there's no reason a teenager shouldn't be able to get themselves to and from school in a timely manner without relying on their parents' or friends' favors, but the majority of the country lives a car-centric lifestyle. If you don't have a car, you might as well be a hermit who never gets to go anywhere! I've never felt more pressured to do anything in my life than to get my driver's license when I was 16, and it's no mystery why! The majority of kids in my town got their own cars when they turned 16, and getting their license was their ticket to having a modicum of independence from their parents. Without a driver's license, their every move would be at the whim of others. 

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  • 01
    Man sitting on drivers seat
    via Martin Wyall

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The teenager in this story can't simply use the school bus to get around. She attends special classes and has relied on rides from her friend's brother. After he asked her out and she rejected him, he decided he would no longer give her rides, not because he was angry or bitter, but because being around her only made the feelings worse. He never should've been given such a big responsibility in the first place, because now she has nowhere else to turn for transportation, and her education is in jeopardy. 

  • 02

    Am I the bad guy for not forcing my son to keep helping my daughter’s friend after she rejected him?

    I'm a dad of two kids in the Midwest. My son, John (17m) and a daughter Brit (17f) both in high school.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 03
    Brit has a close friend, Melissa. For the past several months, John had been helping Melissa with things due to her mom working crazy days/hours (nurse).
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 04
    John helps with rides to work and a college prep class they are taking together. John and Melissa work at the same place on the same schedule three days a week, and we live in a small town with no public transportation.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 05
    Cars parked on parking lot during daytime
    via Josh Berendes

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    They're both in a dual enrollment program that lets high school students take college- level courses. Passing these classes is basically required to enter in the program they're pursuing.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 07
    John was both her ride to/from and her study partner which John is academically inclined... must get that from him mother lol.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 08
    John developed feelings for Melissa and eventually asked her out. She politely declined and said she wanted to focus on her education but wanted to remain friendly.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 09
    Woman in yellow crew neck t-shirt
    via Daniil Onischenko

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    I think that's completely fair, and she handled it the best anyone could ask from another person.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 11
    After being turned down, John decided to stop giving Melissa rides and told me and his sister that he didn't want her coming over anymore because he needed space to get over his feelings.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 12
    I initially told him that was unreasonable and that rejection is part of life and that he needed to be mature and handle it better.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 13
    Sure it's not easy but he was to smart not to know what the outcome would be if she turned him down.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 14
    We talked it through more calmly later and honestly I was impressed with how he reflected on it.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 15
    He realized he was acting emotionally, apologized to his sister, and explained that continuing to be around Melissa was making it harder for him to move on.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 16
    He wasn't rude to her, didn't lash out, and didn't blame her he just set boundaries which I thought was healthy and the mature thing to do.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 17
    The problem is that Melissa now doesn't have a ride to work or to the prep class, and she's at risk of being dropped from the program and possibly losing her job.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 18
    I think she's missed a fair amount of work. As for the class John claims that she would probably be dropped if she misses two more classes.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 19
    Brit is furious. She says John is being spiteful and punishing Melissa for rejecting him. I told Brit she needed to stop and to leave it alone.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 20
    I explained that Melissa doesn't owe John a relationship but John also doesn't owe Melissa continued friendship, rides, or any kind of labor.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 21
    I also told her that blaming John for consequences he didn't cause on purpose was immature and unfair.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 22
    Brit refused to drop it and started an argument where she said some things that were out of line toward her brother.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 23
    At that point, I grounded her and although we've had some talks, I don't think we've made much progress.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 24
    I have not told John to resume helping Melissa, nor do I intend to. I don't think forcing him to ignore his feelings to fix someone else's situation is fair, but I do feel bad.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 25
    Melissa's mom struggles enough due to being a single mother and Melissa losing her job and being dropped from the program seems like a a lot for two people already struggling
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 26
    Ineedavodka2019 Can Brit drive her? Can she ask other classmates? How long does John not want to be around her? Especially since he is still around her since they have class together and work together. Melissa should be working on a solution to her transportation issues.
    via u/Ineedavodka2019
  • 27
    OP LiveWire0044 Brit can't. She works and play sports. John hasn't said when he wants to be around just that he wants space
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 28
    bepdhc INFO: If Brit feels this strongly about protecting her friend then why doesn't she serve as Melissa's ride? She can step up rather than volunteering her brother for the job.
    via u/bepdhc
  • 29
    OP LiveWire0044 Brit plays sports and works as well do isn't available
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 30
    Maleficent_Crazy_338 NAH sucks for Melissa but why is it everyone else responsibility to get her to work classes and so on? Was there never a plan B? What if your son would ve been ill?
    via u/Maleficent_Crazy_338
  • 31
    OP LiveWire0044 She would Uber sometimes from what I understand, but that's not an option anymore due to cost
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 32
    Maleficent_Crazy_338 Yes but there must ve been any plan besides your kids? This is where i struggle to understand. I may rely on someone giving me the comfort of a ride but i cant expect this person to be my personal taxi. What would be the plan if your son would travel or something else changed? Edit: what is about a bike? Or scooter for her? Vut still - no this is none of your issues even if the Situation sucks.
    via u/Maleficent_Crazy_338
  • 33
    OP LiveWire0044 I assume the plan was her dad. Her dad moved several states away over the summer. She's not my child so I don't have that information tbh. I would hope she had a plan before signing up.
    via u/LiveWire0044
  • 34
    bigbyandsnow Did your son volunteer to take her when the semester started? Did he make the commitment that he would be her ride prior to signing up for the class?
    via u/bigbyandsnow
  • 35
    UnderABig_W By asking in the middle of the class, John unwittingly set up a shitty, exploitative situation where Melissa either needed to acquiesce to his romantic demands or lose necessary transportation that she had come to rely on. Ideally, John should've asked Melissa out when Melissa was no longer in a position where she had to rely on John. I think it's a shitty situation because of the way it was handled initially. At this point, NAH, but I'd talk to John about thinking about the implicat
    via u/UnderABig_W
  • 36
    cee-la NTA except I do think your daughter's friend should be allowed over but son should get a heads up and she shouldn't be over all the time. But if they want to hang out in your daughter's bedroom on a Saturday night, daughter should still have that right. Daughter needs to understand that your son isn't obligated to be friends with her friend anymore. He did friend favors and now he doesn't want to be her friend. So the favors ended. Like someone else said - they are entitled to their own f
    via u/cee-la
  • 37
    Ok_Childhood_9774 Why can't Brit help out with rides? I understand it might not be as convenient since she isn't on the same schedule, but what would Melissa do if John's car broke down, or he quit his job?
    via u/Ok_Childhood_9774
  • 38
    Top_Hippo_5996 And also, fair play to Melissa for not saying yes to your son because she feared she would no longer have a ride.
    via u/Top_Hippo_5996

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school brother work friends rejection driving parenting dad sister tutor
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