Daughter offers her house to mom during snowstorm, then discovers mom invited neighbors without asking her, daughter refuses to take them all in: ‘I cannot take in a stranger’

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  • front view portrait of happy senior woman with hat and mittens outdoors standing in snowy nature
  • AITAH - Offered to house my mom during snow storm and she invited neighbors without asking me.

    Hello! I am curious if I'm the AH here. I (31F) live in the portion of the United States where lots of snow and ice took down power lines and trees this past weekend.
  • I am fortunate enough to still have power for myself, my husband and our baby. I live in a very small house, but offered up my house to my mom (56F) and her dog, who have no power/heat/etc right now.
  • The first day my mom was without power, I called and offered to drive 30 min, pick her up and bring her and her dog back to my house.
  • She declined as she was worried to leave her neighbor (also 57F) who she had just met the night before and that she'd tough it out.
  • As soon as the sun goes down, suddenly my mom is begging to come over to my house but I told her it was too late and we wouldn't be driving on ice after dark.
  • The next morning, I call and offer again and she agrees to come stay with me.
  • As I'm trying to get out of our icy neighborhood, she calls and lets me know that she wants to bring her neighbor she just met and the neighbor's dog.
  • I said absolutely not. I'm not trying to be rude, but I cannot take in a stranger and their dog while already struggling to care for my family.
  • Furthermore, I do not want a strange person or strange dog around my small child. I suggested her neighbor call a friend or check for warming centers, and that if the circumstances were different, then I would help.
  • She continues to say I am a heartless, immoral, cruel person and she cannot believe she raised me this way.
  • I told her that was fine and I would stop offering to come get her. She continued to be nasty until her neighbor left her to go to a friend's house and once my mom was alone, she started begging me to come get her again.
  • АІТАН?
  • Fence by the House Covered in Snow During a Night-time Snowstorm
  • Either Management813 NTA but your mother is playing you trying to get her way. If she doesn't understand why bringing in strangers, including a stranger to her and not just you, to your home feels unsafe, she can stay there or save up for a generator for next time and host people at her house. I do understand helping strangers but your situation is vulnerable and clearly the neighbor had other options.
  • Time-Tell-658 Original Poster's Reply Thank you! I was starting to feel like maybe I was wrong to have resources (power/heat/ability to heat up food) and not share them, but I just kept feeling weird about putting my little girl in that position. I even told her that and she wouldn't listen.
  • quixote NTA I can see why you live far away. I live in hurricane country and we all know how to prepare. By 50, you CERTAINLY know. Your mom should know how to navigate these things by now. And inviting someone without asking you first? That's a big problem. My mom is 78 and she is more self reliant than this. I'd move further away, I can already see you'll be taking care of your miserable mom in less than a decade.
  • Time-Tell-658 Original Poster's Reply I used to live 8 hours away from her and she picked up and moved 30 min from me. The distance was so peaceful lol. I wish I could move, but I work a location- dependent job.
  • Ok_Childhood_9774 NTA. Is this behavior a pattern for your mother? Vastly over stepping and then lashing out when you don't go along with her demands? If so, I would severely limit my interactions with her, since what she was expecting was completely unreasonable.
  • Time-Tell-658 Original Poster's Reply This is, unfortunately a pattern, and one I'm working with a therapist to handle. I'm trying to determine how much of a relationship I want with her and this severely pushed me to going no-contact.
  • Maximum_Yard_8485 Please tell me you aren't gonna go pick her up
  • Time-Tell-658 Original Poster's Reply Nah, she'll have to figure something out because I'm done haha. It's been two days (which is two more than necessary), of trying to figure this out and I cannot put anymore stress on my body right now.
  • Ok_Childhood_9774 It might be morally right to direct this new neighbor to available community resources. Expecting OP to host a stranger (and their dog!) is a bit much.
  • Time-Tell-658 Original Poster's Reply Yes!! We (my entire family) were pushing for mom to come here and we'd drop the neighbor off at a warming shelter on the way.
  • joetaxpayer You are more wonderful than your mom deserves. A lifelong old friend? That was there throughout your life growing up? Make room for them. A neighbor she literally met a day ago? Sorry, mom, just no.
  • Time-Tell-658 Original Poster's Reply I literally said this to my husband. My mom has a good friend down here, and if it'd been her, I'd have welcomed them with open arms even if we were all on top of each other!
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