Mom stands up to her MIL, limiting babysitting privileges after she self-righteously derails the grandson's binky-weaning progress: ‘She didn't respect [my] rules'

Many parents rely on a pacifier, but when it comes time to wean, they better buckle up. 

These parents spent 4 months weaning their toddler off the pacifier, all while juggling the needs of their newborn. 'Twas not a feat for the faint of heart. 

As all parents know, it takes forever to make pacifier progress, your kid is a nightmare in the meantime, and you can't help but wonder if you're doing the right thing. However, there is a light at the end of every pacifier-weaning tunnel, and the parents in this next story were so close they could practically taste it. Weaning the oldest was particularly challenging, too, because their newborn baby was teething and they had to keep pacifiers in the house, which were a constant temptation for the toddler. But there was an end in sight, and their toddler's pacifier dependence was dwindling; the parents finally rejoiced that their 4 months of hard work, sleepless nights, and tantrum-filled days were finally behind them!

… Until the mother-in-law came over to babysit. 

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  • 01
    Toddler with a binky in their mouth.
    via Alina Borisov

  • Toddlers can be exhausting little beings. 

    With infinite energy to cause mischief, a mind of their own, and feet faster than you'd think, parents are given a run for their money when their kiddo reaches their terrible twos. A mysterious and miraculous crutch exists, however, that can pacify any kid in moments, placating their chaotic disposition and returning their tantrum-twisted expression back to that of a cherub: Binkies. 

    Binkies, dummies, pacifiers, or whatever else you call these magical devices come with their own consequences. Like any miracle cure, binkies come with an assorted bag of other issues, making children dependent on them to be soothed. For a parent who is constantly faced with an onslaught of decisions, sometimes a binky is a necessity, but there comes a time when their kiddo must eventually lose their reliance on a binky to sooth. It's in this self-soothing era of learning that a parent's patience is really tested, because suddenly their tyrannical toddler no longer has the one thing that always put them to sleep. 

    Well-aware of their hard-won battle against the pacifier, the MIL decided that, since she had once been a mother, she knew better. Instead of heeding her DIL's warnings and keeping the baby's binky away from the toddler, she went ahead and gave both kids a soothing suckler to keep them from crying during her visit. And just like that, 4 months of work were completely derailed. The toddler went bonkers, backsliding and becoming completely dependent on the binky once more, and wreaking havoc on the parents. 

    As time went on and the parents resented the MIL's fated visit, they decided they would no longer trust her to be alone with their kids. She'd proven that she didn't respect them or their rules, so they were going to put firmer boundaries in place that protected their kid's progress, even if it meant stepping on a few entitled toes in the process. 

  • 02

    "AITA for refusing to let my MIL babysit over a dummy (pacfier)?"

    My husband was furious and tried to explain what can of worms she had opened up for us. My MIL tried to explain that our toddler started to cry inconsolably (for reasons unclear) and because she doesn't like crying, she gave them the dummy to get them to stop.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 03
    It has been a month since this incident. I am constantly having to hide dummies from my toddler because they will try to put them in their own mouth, steal them from the baby whilst they sleep, and scream relentlessly if they cannot have one.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 04
    My partner has been lamenting over my MIL's actions and curses her under his breath every time we have to deal with a dummy related tantrum.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 05
    My MIL now wants to be able to babysit for us next week. My partner and I have said "No. Not after the dummy incident". She is not taking this well and has told my FIL, GMIL and friends that we are punishing her for trying to get my toddler to stop crying. We're still not budging.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 06
    Mom trying to soothe a toddler with a pacifier.
    via Karola G

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    I don't believe my partner and I are in the wrong for this. Perhaps others see it differently. AITA in this situation?
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 08
    1) Did your MIL know about the rule? - My toddler was weaned 1.5 years ago (and then some). My MIL avoided seeing us as much because of the crying. During this time, my toddler has not asked for a dummy, not attempted to put any in their mouth, nor have they been bothered by not having one.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 09
    2) Why have dummies in the house? - We have a baby that sometimes needs one to settle. Teething products are not working - the teething is quite aggressive and a dummy is safer, comforting option.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 10
    My baby is also not dependent on them and once this stage of teething is over, the dummies will be removed from the household. They were also not an issue before my MIL gave one to the toddler because the toddler would hand them to the baby. Also, this incident took place at my In Laws' house, not mine.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 11
    3) Why have dummies at all? - If you're not aware of the health benefits, please do your research. I won't go into a long tangent as to why. Whether or not you agree is down to you.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 12
    4) Does your toddler have any learning difficulties? No, they do not.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 13
    5) Why are you preventing your MIL from seeing the children? That was never a thing. I don't know where anyone got that idea from because all that was said was she isn't allowed to have them unsupervised.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 14
    The only times she was allowed to have them prior to this was if my FIL was around because he is better suited for dealing with crying. My FIL was present when the children. Were dropped off, not when we came back.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 15
    Right now the dummies will continue to be an issue so my children will not be having visits if either my partner or myself are unavailable - even if my FIL is present.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 16
    Mom brushing the hair of a crying baby.
    via Karola G

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 17
    Expensive Doubt5487 I can't get past the fact that she can't handle it when they cry. That alone is enough not to let her babysit. She doesn't have the ability to regulate herself well enough let alone a child.
    via Expensive Doubt5487
  • 18
    OP Unusuallmpress9600 The worst part is that my toddler and baby don't tend to cry much. They're pretty chilled. She still hasn't explained what set my toddler off that day.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 19
    SnooSprouts6437 NTA, you worked incredibly hard to get your toddler to not only be okay not having a dummy but that they were OK not putting it in their mouth once the baby was born. And your MIL just set your toddler back. It's not only unfair to diminish all the hard work you did but unfair to your toddler as well. She didn't respect you and your rules. If she had so much trouble with the toddler, I'm sure you wouldn't have minded a text or call from her with suggestions on how to manage your
    via SnooSprouts6437
  • 20
    OP Unusuallmpress9600 It is exactly this. She could have done either of those things and chose not to. I think it is even more frustrating because we were gone for 4 hours and still local.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 21
    LindonLilBlueBalls Early on my mom tried the "There's no crying at grandmas house." When I told her not to give my kids treats. My simple response was, "Guess this is the last time they go to grandmas house then." She tried to call my bluff, but two weeks with not seeing her (at the time) only grandchild along with no more pictures being sent reminded her that my kid is a human being that needs limits and not a "fun grandma" accessory.
    via LindonLilBlueBalls
  • 22
    OP Unusuallmpress9600 I'm glad you were able to establish boundaries. My MIL learned that I don't bluff the hard way (pretty early on). I won't be giving her the opportunity to repeat her actions but she is still welcome to see the children.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 23
    Truebeliever-14 She couldn't handle the crying for a few hours so she made sure you will have to deal with it for possibly months. I wouldn't let her babysit til both kids were weaned off pacifiers.
    via Truebeliever-14
  • 24
    OP Unusuallmpress9600 Thankfully the baby is not that bothered about having one. Sometimes it is necessary to settle for a nap.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 25
    LdiJ46 NTA, not at all. Your MIL still hasn't understood, apologized or indicated that she wouldn't do something like that again. She caused you a world of hurt and without serious reassurances that she understands that she did wrong, you cannot trust her. Plus, your toddler WILL do her utmost to get your MIL to give her a dummy again.
    via LdiJ46
  • 26
    OP Unusuallmpress9600 That's the thing, it would not take much. We're doing cold-turkey again and it is brutal. I've caught my toddler trying to sneak into my bedroom twice. It's 00:19.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 27
    NukaGrapes NTA. As somebody who sucked their fingers until 14 due to severe ptsd and still does in their sleep unknowingly sometimes (i turn 21 soon), your MIL just caused that poor toddler so much suffering and it breaks my heart.
    via NukaGrapes
  • 28
    OP Unusuallmpress9600 Sending you warmth and strength.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 29
    Thisls_americunt Nanny cam OP. Even if its your MIL, Do everything to protect your child cause she sure as shit ain't
    via Thisls_americunt
  • 30
    OP Unusuallmpress9600 We have cameras at home.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 31
    Charming_Goose4588 Wow! Plus there's no evidence toddler did cry. Did she know what you'd gone thru to wean them off? She may have just decided if toddler asked she'd just give them a dummy. It's laziness.
    via Charming_Goose4588
  • 32
    OP Unusuallmpress9600 She knew. She doesn't have to deal with the aftermath so she wouldn't particularly care. My toddler confirmed that my MIL gave it to them without them having asked for it.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 33
    heaz247 I had my daughter put all of hers in a box, she helped me decorate it, we put it in the mailbox and sent it off to the "binkaboo fairy". The next day she got a new baby doll out of the mailbox! (The mail man actually took the box! I snuck the baby doll out there) She was so excited and never asked for a binky again! She was a big girl now! I made a huge deal out of it. Idk if it will work for you since you have a new baby that needs them but I hope you do find something that works for yo
    via heaz247
  • 34
    OP Unusuallmpress9600 That sounds like such a good idea. I mean, my toddler would probably try to break into our post box if they ever saw me "sending them away", but I will definitely consider burying them in the garden or something similar. It may not sound it, but it is getting closer to the end of this battle. I will look to take my toddler somewhere special as a reward for overcoming this (when we get there again) I know it is not easy, and baby's dummies add to the temptation.
    via UnusualImpress9600
  • 35
    Raise-The-Gates To be fair, it may not have been anything major that set off the crying. Being overtired, out of routine, overexcited, etc. and then not having your parent there for cuddles can easily get a lot of kids crying and, once they start, it may be hard to stop.
    via Raise-The-Gates
  • 36
    OP Unusuallmpress9600 It's the use of the word "inconsolable" that concerns me. There was only one other time my MIL said my toddler behaved that way and it was because I had to suddenly into hospital. The fact my toddler doesn't remember what it was made me feel more reassured that my MIL was probably exaggerating to reason with my partner.
    via UnusualImpress9600

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