Parents buy their lazy 36-year-old son a house, refuse to help hardworking 34-year-old daughter with finances: 'I'm working 60-80 hour weeks, living with my partner in a small 1 bedroom apartment.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Feb 14, 2026 8:00 AM EST

That's a surefire way to make sure their son never actually has to work for anything in his life.

If you're an aging parent with adult children, you might be uncertain exactly how much money to give each child in your will. Many parents split their net worth equally among their children, which is probably the most drama-free way to go about it. But if one of your kids is incredibly financially secure and the other is financially flailing, you might feel inclined to give the flailing child more money so they can get back on their feet. At the end of the day, it's your money and your decision to make. But it's worth considering why that kid is flailing, and the other isn't. Are they struggling because they chose a low-paying field of study and live in a high-cost-of-living area? Are they just young and at the beginning of their career, and haven't had time to build wealth? Or, are they constantly blowing the little money they have on useless things? The most important question is, are you, as their parents, constantly bailing them out for their bad decisions? 

If you are constantly using your money to solve your adult children's financial problems, then you are teaching them that no matter what happens to them, mommy and daddy will save them, and they won't have to deal with the consequences of their actions. If one kid is responsible and doesn't need to be bailed out, they might feel resentful of their irresponsible sibling for getting much more support than they ever got. After all, isn't it wrong to constantly reward bad behavior and ignore good behavior?

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  • A portrait of mature man with his senior father furnishing new house
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The parents in this story bought their adult son his own house, claiming it was an “investment.” They did that instead of helping their hardworking daughter, who actually respects and loves her parents.

  • Am I wrong for distancing myself from my parents for buying my brother a house?

    Still mulling over this, which happened summer of 2025. My parent sold their business to retire.
    via u/nsedlazek
  • My older brother (36M) still lived with them, and my parent immediately bought a nearby house as an "investment" which was told to me.
    via u/nsedlazek
  • White and brown wooden house near green trees during daytime
    via Meritt Thomas

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Well, my parents freshly into retirement slaved themselves and ask friends and favors to help flip this house around within a month so my brother who is ride, absuive, and non appreciative towards my parents can move into, for free.
    via u/nsedlazek
  • I've been working for myself for 2 years, working 60- 80 hour weeks, living with my partner in a small 1 bedroom apartment.
    via u/nsedlazek
  • Seems like a massive slap in the face that no help was offered to us and my brother gets a newly renovated 3 bedroom, 2 car garage + basement HOME for FREE.
    via u/nsedlazek
  • When my brother was in the "process" of moving into the house, he was nowhere to be seen while my parents. and 75 year old grandmother were moving his sh into the house.
    via u/nsedlazek
  • A room filled with boxes and a mirror
    via Faruk Tokluoğlu (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Over the holidays I brought it up to my parents and my mom gaslit me the whole time, saying how we both were treated and raised equally.
    via u/nsedlazek
  • Not sure if its clear to them how I've distanced myself since then.
    via u/nsedlazek
  • LadyMittensOfTheLake NTA. Wow your parents are pretty terrible!
    via u/LadyMittensOfTheLake
  • nsedlazek Original Poster's Reply thanks, they were pretty cool until this
    via u/nsedlazek
  • Pleasant-Koala 147 When the inevitable happens and they start needing more help, just remember this line: "It's lucky you invested so much in keeping (brother) close to you. I'm sure he'd be grateful enough to help." "Oh, he claims he has not time to help? Well, since you invested so much in having him close to you I'm sure he'd can find the time." "You chose him. It's his responsibility now."
    via u/Pleasant-Koala147
  • nsedlazek Original Poster's Reply true - thats where im at. I want them to realize that now. Doesn't make sense to help someone so ungrateful and who you know what help you when the time comes. I work so much and try my best to invest / save for my parents benefit. But they won't care or change their views knowing that.
    via u/nsedlazek
  • ButterscotchLittle65 NTA. Now that they are old and will need help let HIM be the one to help.
    via u/ButterscotchLittle65
  • nsedlazek Original Poster's Reply yeah you know i dont think they realize hes useless and won't be any help to them. Presence wise or financially.
    via u/nsedlazek
  • CottonFrizz NTA. That is not small favoritism, that is a whole free house. You are grinding 60 plus hours a week while he gets a renovated place handed to him and grandma is moving his boxes. I would feel some type of way too. You cannot control what they fund, you can control your distance. Protect your peace.
    via u/CottonFrizz
  • nsedlazek Original Poster's Reply facts- thanks
    via u/nsedlazek
  • Maleficent_Win2275 Save for your benefit not your parents. Probably anything you help your parents with will benefit your brother.
    via u/Maleficent_Win2275
  • nsedlazek Original Poster's Reply yeah, it will. they will give to him until they are broke and ded
    via u/nsedlazek
  • HUNGWHITEBOI25 Op...you seem like a very nice person...but you do realize you're saying "ya my brother got whatever he wanted and was definitely the favourite...oh but occasionally my parents showed up to my school events" ...thats...not a good comparison
    via u/HUNGWHITEBOI25
  • nsedlazek Original Poster's Reply not school by the way
    via u/nsedlazek
  • Jecowq Even if the parents still own it, they're basically rewarding his toxic behavior with a free lifestyle. If he isn't paying rent or lifting a finger, it's still a massive slap in the face to OP.
    via u/Jecowq
  • nsedlazek Original Poster's Reply yeah and thats what I tried to communicate to them but they dont understand. He's been rewarded his whole life for being ab ive to them, to me, and to not having to do anything on his own.
    via u/nsedlazek
  • HUNGWHITEBOI25 i...highly doubt that no offence
    via u/HUNGWHITEBOI25
  • nsedlazek Original Poster's Reply honestly they were cool all things considered. I was dealt a pretty garbage hand in my family and I was given a lot of freedom but at the cost that my brother was given all of the favoritism, opportunity, etc. My parents showed up to my art events. They just can't see one of their kids is unappreciative and yet they will go broke and di to give him everything he doesn't deserve.
    via u/nsedlazek
  • rocketmn69_ Ask your mom, "So, if we were treated equally, where is my house?" OP, I bet you will find that your brother is the deed holder on that house
    via u/rocketmn69_
  • nsedlazek Original Poster's Reply yeah i already know he is the deed holder, despite my parents denying that.
    via u/nsedlazek
  • DuckyDuck67 NTA. Your feelings are valid, your parents gave your brother a huge gift despite his behavior, while you've been working hard and building your own life. Distancing yourself is a reasonable boundary if you feel hurt and unappreciated, especially since your concerns were dismissed and gaslit.
    via u/DuckyDuck67
  • nsedlazek Original Poster's Reply thanks - yeah i feel like i tried to bring up my feeling but they were quickly dismissed and went unheard
    via u/nsedlazek

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house lazy grandma parenting real estate sister daughter money hard work apartment
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