'Why do kids cry when they wake up': 25+ of the funniest parenting tweets of the week

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  • 01
    meghan @deloisivete • Feb 13 ... I am at a new trampoline park that yet again does not have a bar
  • 02
    Nayele18 @nayele18maybe • 5h ... "We don't stab our friends in the ear with pencils" is a thing I said today
  • 03
    Dadman Wal... @dadmann_wal... 22h 0 • did you know if you have kids you can have a headache for 18 years?
  • 04
    Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish • Feb 12 me: it's bedtime. my 11yo: did you ever notice that zebra begins with the last letter of the alphabet and ends with the first letter of the alphabet?
  • 05
    krista @kristabellerina • Feb 15 10 The older I get, the more I worry I've left the iron on when I've left the house, which is funny because I don't iron.
  • 06
    Dadman Wa... @dadmann_w.... Feb 16 Raising kids is wild... you spend years wishing for a little space, and then one day you get it, and all you want is one more messy, ordinary moment to hold onto.
  • 07
    meghan @deloisivete Feb 14 0 ... My 8yo has very casually suggested that we all do something together as a family today, like go to GameStop, you know, for Valentine's Day
  • 08
    Dadman Wa... @dadmann_w... Feb 16 I wish I loved anything as much as my kids love to complain about the wifi speed
  • 09
    Forward March @RunOldMan • Feb 15 ... Someone asked me today what I thought was the toughest part of being a parent was... I told them I would have to say it was the kids.
  • 10
    Real thuq @4orreall Feb 12 • Why do kids cry when they wake up. Just wake up. F is u crying for
  • 11
    meghan @deloisivete Feb 13 0. ... I am at a new trampoline park that yet again does not have a bar
  • 12
    Dadman Wa... @dadmann_w... Feb 13 ... me, standing by the door] do you need to go outside to go potty? dog: [judgy stare] me: are you sure? dog: no, idiot. I don't. me: [walks to the other side of the house and sits down] dog: you're not gonna fckin believe this...
  • 13
    Dadman... • @dadma... Dec 30, 2023 dog: [hasn't touched one dog toy in the house] me: [puts all the toys back in the basket] dog: are you doing? [Pulls them all back out] ...
  • 14
    meghan @deloisivete • Feb 15 ... Walked around the Renaissance Faire for too long with the kids, and now I need ye olde ibuprofenne
  • 15
    Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom. Feb 15 Me: Please empty the dishwasher. Kid: In a minute. I'm doing something. Me: Come on, help me out. I've been cleaning all day! Kid: Yeah. Because that's what you CHOOSE to do for FUN. Ok so apparently I need to find a hobby.
  • 16
    Hollie Harris @allholls Feb 14 0 Why'd we stop giving out valentines to everyone as adults? I'd love if someone passed out bottles of wine or mini cheese trays as valentines. ...
  • 17
    • Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish Feb 13 Please someone tell my wife that Valentine's Eve is not a thing.
  • 18
    meghan @deloisivete Feb 12 • 0 Can't find the name list for my kid's class, so just going to address these valentines to different variations of Jackson and hope for the best
  • 19
    MisterD @MisterD78UK • Feb 12 . Remember when you were a kid and the school summer holidays seemed to last forever? These days I sit down for a minute and somehow i'm a year older
  • 20
    Mommying... @Mommying... Feb 12 • ... Grandpa: Alexa, how do I convince 8yo to be quiet for a bit? Alexa: I'm not sure how to do that.
  • 21
    Late to the party ... @ericamore.... Feb 12 In wanting to say that her mum has dementia in response to something she'd said, Miss 12 used "alopecia" instead.
  • 22
    Dadman Wa... @dadmann_w.... Feb 11 ... my 12 yo has never seen me without a beard and he wanted to see my profile. So I pushed my beard in to show him. He stared and looked away and said "yeah you should keep the beard". so he's no longer a favorite.
  • 23
    • Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish Feb 11 Bought my 11yo an ice cream just as my wife texted "whatever u do, don't buy him an ice cream" so how much hush money am I supposed to pay him?
  • 24
    Vinod Chhapr... @Chhapine... Feb 10 . What parenting books don't tell you is that your child's social life depends on how much you can tolerate the other parents
  • 25
    meghan @deloisivete Feb 9 • 0 It's so funny socializing with people who don't have kids, because what do you mean you're asking my 8yo if he's seen Breaking Bad ...
  • 26
    meghan @deloisivete Feb 8 0 The neighbor kid just came over and announced that he is not grounded in a way that makes me think that might not quite be the case ...
  • 27
    krista @kristabellerina • Feb 7 I don't know why teen clothes are so expensive when they have less fabric than a toddler's.
  • 28
    meghan @deloisivete Feb 6 0. Putting some furniture together this weekend so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven't even been invented yet

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