Employee refuses to sign a group card congratulating his mean coworker on his promotion: 'He’s the type who’ll smile to your face and then nitpick you in front of everyone like it’s a sport.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Feb 19, 2026 12:00 PM EST

The whole team kept pushing him to lie about his coworker's good character until he couldn't take it anymore. 

How much do you have to pretend to like your coworkers that you don't like? Most workplaces don't require you to be best friends with your coworkers and hang out with them after work five days a week. If you work in a place like that, I am deeply sorry. But sometimes you might feel forced to say or do things with your coworkers that you really don't want to. You might do a group-bonding exercise where you're forced to go around the room and say one thing you like about all of your coworkers. When you don't like anything about one of your coworkers, you're put in a position where you're basically forced to lie. There is a big difference between biting your tongue about your feelings about a coworker and being made to talk about how wonderful they are, even though they are a total dud. 

It's hard to save face when your coworker is openly mean to you and gets away with it because that's the culture at your workplace. Once your coworker can get away with that, you start to lose your tolerance for putting up with phony office politics. Why should you have to pretend to like someone who has put no effort into pretending to like you? Either everyone should have to pretend and be fake, or nobody should. 

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  • Man with glasses and long hair in office where he's being pressured to sign a card he doesn't want to sign
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The employee in this story was perfectly happy to sign his name on the going-away card of a coworker whom he didn't particularly like. But his coworkers pushed him to lie and write about his coworker's many virtues, and he was unwilling to do so.

  • Am I the bad guy for refusing to sign a group card when they wanted me to write a message I don’t agree with?

    My team at work does these group cards for people's "big moments". I've signed plenty, it's whatever.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • This time it got awkward because the card was for a guy who's been low-key making my job harder for months.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • He's our manager's favorite, and he's the type who'll smile to your face and then nitpick you in front of everyone like it's a sport.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • Little stuff, but constant: holding back info until the last minute, rewriting my work and presenting it like it was always his idea, and then acting like we're buddies right after.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • Last Friday HR announces he's getting promoted and moving departments. Everyone starts doing the whole "so happy for you!" routine.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • One coworker (the super upbeat one) brings in a big card and says we should all write something "nice and personal".
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • Fine. Then she pulls me aside and goes, hey, you're good with words, can you write the main message from all of us.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • She even suggests a line like, "Thanks for your incredible leadership and for always having our backs, you made this team feel like family." I actually laughed because I thought she was kidding for a second.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • She wasn't. That line straight up made my skin crawl. This dude did not "have our backs".
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • He threw people under the bus to look good. He made those little "jokes" that are basically insults, and if you don't laugh you're "too serious".
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • He once told me, in front of everybody, that I'm "too slow for this role" because I asked a question.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • Later that day he DM'd me a dumb smiley face like we were friends and it was playful.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • Man in glasses using phone at desk with laptop
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • It wasn't playful. It was him testing what he can get away with. So l said I'm not comfortable writing the main message.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • I'll sign my name, sure, but I'm not writing a glowing tribute. She gets that tight annoyed look and goes, come on man, it's just a card.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • A greeting card laying on top of a sketchbook
    via Siora Photography

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Then she tries again: at least write something like "we'll miss you". I said I'm not writing that either because I won't miss him.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • I can be polite, but I'm not gonna lie on paper. She got louder and says, wow, ok, so you're making it about you.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • A couple people heard and suddenly it turns into a whole thing. One guy tells me I'm being petty and that "everyone has issues with bosses sometimes".
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • Another coworker says it's messed up to not sign because it makes the team look bad.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • I told them I'm not stopping anyone else from doing it, I just won't put my name on words I don't mean.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • At that point I didn't even sign the card because it felt like they wanted my handwriting in there to make it look more heartfelt, if that makes sense.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • The card went around without me and apparently people noticed my name isn't there, so now I'm getting side looks and this vibe like I committed some crime.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • The upbeat coworker messaged me saying I embarrassed her and that it was "a
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • Another coworker said I should just apologize and sign it Monday so we can move on.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • But I don't want to. It feels gross to fake praise for someone who treated me like crop just so everyone can feel comfy.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • I'm not planning to confront him or make a speech, I literally stayed quiet. So... AITJ for refusing to sign the card and not writing a nice message "from all of us"?
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • TL;DR: Coworkers wanted me to write a glowing group message in a card for a manager who's been awful to me.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • I refused to write anything fake and didn't sign, and now they're mad. AITJ?
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • Lifelong learner 1956 Not signing is different than composing the message for the whole group. I'd suggest. "We know your new team will have the esteem for you that we do. Good luck."
    via u/Lifelong_learner_1956
  • masonwhitmore Original Poster's Reply I hear you, but the issue wasn't just "don't write the big message". They wanted my words to sell a story I don't believe. I'm fine being polite, I'm not fine pretending we all feel the same.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • Old-Scarcity-5677 like Nta-signing a card shouldn't feel your being guilt-tripped into emotional labor. If you're not comfortable, you're allowed to sit it out.
    via u/Old-Scarcity-5677
  • masonwhitmore Original Poster's Reply Appreciate that. That's how it felt, like I was being volunteered to do the "emotional labor" so everyone else could look supportive.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • LilChereBear Nope, you're not the j . You're not obligated to fake praise for someone who treated you badly just to keep things comfortable.
    via u/LilChereBear
  • masonwhitmore Original Poster's Reply Thanks. That's all I'm saying. I'm not trying to start drama, I just don't want to be pressured into lying so everyone else can feel comfy.
    via u/masonwhitmore
  • hyperfixmum NTJ "If it was a simple request you would respect a simple no." "My non-participation doesn't detract from your sincere messages." "I've moved on. I think you should think about why me having this boundary is so hard for you." "I'm not going to lie and fluff a guy who dismantled our team's psychological safety." "I'm allowed to choose to opt out. That's not petty. Petty would be writing how I feel. Let him enjoy the true heartfelt messages."
    via u/hyperfixmum
  • prairiesailor_1 Something like this is the way. If you want to look good in the office and appear to be a team player, then s k it up and write something that vaguely sounds praiseworthy. Tomorrow a note will be forgotten. But no contribution will be remembered. I hate this stuff too but sometimes you have to be strategic
    via u/prairiesailor_1
  • bajajoaquin "I hope the new role brings the recognition you deserve"
    via u/bajajoaquin
  • Slow_Toe_2558 agreed, you shouldn't have to pretend someone's great when they're not. it's your choice to be genuine, not fake
    via u/Slow_Toe_2558
  • ParticularRich4848 I wouldn't sign it
    via u/ParticularRich4848

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promotion employee drama coworkers nitpicking congratulations human resources workplace card Mean People
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