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Being a people pleaser is exhausting, but to the self-aware pushovers and the doormat yes-men, it's still easier to say yes and pivot your own plans than to fight the desires of everyone else in the room. Oddly enough, this logic stems, in my opinion, from a control of the self. As a people pleaser through and through, I can attest that it's far easier to change my own behavior than to attempt to persuade everyone around me to yield to their demands.
As backwards as it sounds, it IS simpler to be a yes-man or a people pleaser, because you can always rely on yourself.
That said, a nasty side effect is that people see you as a doormat and take advantage of your agreeable disposition. However, with some careful coaching, this ex-empath apparently decided to put his needs first, only to be tested when his self-empowerment coach became his mighty aggressor.
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Woman looking disappointed while holding a dog.
(Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.)
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There comes a day when every student must duel the master.
This girlfriend, however, was dumbstruck when her many years of empowering her boyfriend to stand up for himself backfired on her own demands. For years, she was telling him to stand up for himself and take control of his decisions and preferences, but she never imagined he would say no to her, of all people. Funnily enough, this student surpassed his master the day he put his foot down and proudly proclaimed his wishes: No, he doesn't want to dogsit her friends pet for 8 days.
No explanation. No cause. He just outright refused.
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For a chronic people pleaser, putting their own needs first is a big deal. And this was the first major step in a long journey of lifetime improvements for this man that will hopefully help him to rewire his own future. When pushy people enter our lives, it's hard to resist the sway of their influence, but it's important to remember ourselves in the equation.
This man was once shackled by his people-pleasing and his ‘yes-man’ mentality, but like him, other introverted personality types, who find themselves victim to the louder voices in the room, can find their own way to express their dismay. Because as we've seen, “No” is a complete sentence. People don't need to explain their reasoning if they're turning down someone's request, because ultimately, it was never their duty to cover someone else's responsibilities.
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If anything, the girlfriend should be proud of his improvements. I know I certainly am, and I don't even know the guy personally. I just have an affinity, a kinship if you will, with those like me who are often stepped on and taken advantage of for their disposition. Go get 'em, fellow yes-man! Because one of us has to break free of the cycle of doormat-hood!
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