Father refuses to pay $25 so son's stepsister could go on school's field trip, ex accuses him of being petty: ‘Her stepdaughter was the only kid who couldn't go’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Mar 25, 2026 11:00 AM EDT

If you can't afford to pay $25 for your daughter to go on a school's field trip, maybe you should think about your life choices before you go asking for handouts.

Normally, giving someone 25 bucks so their 7-year-old daughter could go on her grade's field trip is a no-brainer. Of course, we would have wanted to help a little girl feel included in her class and allow her to have fun with her friends at school. But every story has context, and once you find out the context in the story below, you might understand why this dad refused to help his son's stepsister go on the trip.

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  • Schoolchildren boarding school bus going for field trip
    via Hero Images

    Schoolchildren boarding school bus going for field trip.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • This dad has split custody of his 7-year-old son with his ex-wife, Abi. Abi is remarried and has a 7-year-old stepdaughter, and the two kids are in the same grade at school. Abi also has really poor financial management skills, which is one of the reasons why she split up with her first husband.

    The two kids have a school field trip to a museum coming up soon, and it costs $25 to go on it. Dad easily paid for his son, without Abi's help, and about a week before the trip, Abi asked him to also cover for her stepdaughter.

    Now, while we can all agree that the 7-year-old kid does not deserve to miss a fun school trip because her mom is so bad with money that she can't afford to pay $25 for her to go, is that really a problem this father has to deal with? He has nothing to do with the stepdaughter, other than her attending the same school as his son, and he doesn't think he should carry the financial burden of her.

    Plus, he knows that once he starts giving his ex-wife money for her stepdaughter's needs, he will never stop. She will never stop asking for money, and saying no now is a crucial boundary to ensure that doesn't happen.

    The question is: is $25 worth risking the father's relationship with Abi and perhaps causing strain in the whole family dynamic?

  • AITAH for not paying $25 so my son's stepsister could go on their grades field trip?

    I have a 7 year old son with my ex, Abi. We split custody time with our son equally.
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  • He lives with me for 7 days and Abi for 7 days. Abi got married last year after dating her husband for something like 3 years.
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  • Abi has a stepdaughter who isn't 7 yet but I think her birthday is next week or sometime very soon.
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  • Abi and my son are in the same grade at school but they are not in the same class.
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  • Their school is smaller though and they go grade by grade for field trips. This year the field trip was to a really cool museum.
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  • I paid the $25 for my son to go since he wanted to go and Abi couldn't afford to split the cost.
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  • About a week before the field trip Abi asked me to pay the $25 for her stepdaughter to go.
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  • I considered it for less than a minute. It didn't take me long to rule out the chance of that happening because I saw it as a step toward more requests like that in the future.
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  • Money was the major reason Abi and I broke up and I knew it could be a problem again even though we are no longer together.
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  • Abi tried to convince me to change my mind up until the very last deadline to pay and once our son got back from the field trip she sent me a long text outlining what a selfish and cold hearted person I am.
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  • She said her stepdaughter felt so left out because she was the only kid who couldn't ao.
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  • My son and his stepsister aren't close but they get along fine. What I mean by that is they co-exist at Abi's house and can sit together or play together if asked to.
    via ShamefulPoDad
  • Sad-looking young girl at a school field trip.
    via Iam Anupong

    Sad-looking young girl at a school field trip.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • But they don't play with each other without being asked and they don't consider each other a sibling or a friend.
    via ShamefulPoDad
  • Her not being on the fieldtrip was not something that upset or bothered my son and he didn't spend the day missing her.
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  • Abi tried to claim otherwise despite her telling me herself that they're indifferent to each other.
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  • Abi then told me it could harm their future chances of being close if her stepdaughter resents our son for my pettiness (her word).
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  • Abi and her husband had another option to get the money. Her stepdaughter has maternal grandparents who visit their granddaughter twice a year and who host her for weeks every summer.
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  • Her mom isn't involved but they are and I'm positive if they had asked they would have paid.
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  • But Abi asked me instead and she's angry at me. The only reason I'm having any kind of doubt is because I could have easily afforded $25 and I don't know if this will lead to issues for my son's stepsister at all.
    via ShamefulPoDad
  • But I know Abi and I will be on worse terms now. AITAH?
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  • Far-Refrigerator-783 Dont either work? Nowadays, $$25 is lunch. Also, a lot of schools have funds for those in need.
    via Far-Refrigerator-783
  • ShamefulPoDad Original Poster's Reply Both work and Abi makes about the same as me. But she has a history of not being wise with money. I suspect that could be true right now too.
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  • Main_Cauliflower5479 Her poor money management isn't really your problem, is it? Do not ever bail her out for her poor skills.
    via Main_Cauliflower5479
  • ShamefulPoDad Original Poster's Reply I won't. The time we were together before the breakup made it clear to me I should never step in to help financially because she will ask for more later.
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  • rocklover2025 The school would have paid for her field trip if they knew she couldn't go due to cost. 31 years teaching middle school. I have a hard time believing they couldn't scrape together 25 bucks for the step daughter to go.
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  • ShamefulPoDad Original Poster's Reply Yes, if they knew but I'm not sure Abi would have disclosed this. I can't speak about her husband but she's the type who might not say anything.
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  • Pam0189 NTA. If you pay, then they are going to ask again and again for something else.
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  • ShamefulPoDad Original Poster's Reply This was my primary concern and why I decided nothing could convince me to change my mind.
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  • MairinRedOak NTA- your ex and her husband made the decision not to pay the $25.00. I cannot imagine that they couldn't have found a way to come up with the money. It's not your problem, it's not your responsibility.
    via MairinRedOak
  • ShamefulPoDad Original Poster's Reply I still believe they could have asked her grandparents since they couldn't produce the money themselves. That would make much more sense than asking me, a person who is nothing to this little girl.
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  • AmJustLurking96 NTA. Not your kid, not your responsibility. Abi was actually way out of line to ask you in the first place. She should ask members of the kid's family, not you. What does her husband think about that? That she would rather ask you, someone not even related to the kid, to pay for his daughter instead of asking the grandparents?
    via AmJustLurking96
  • ShamefulPoDad Original Poster's Reply I have to assume he's perfectly okay with her asking me and maybe even preferred it. But I don't know. He and I don't communicate much for me to say anything with confidence.
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  • krunchyrainbowstar NTA. as a parent and a person who grew up w step siblings and their parents I can say you did nothing wrong. In no way are you responsible for any other child but your own. the fact that she asked another man to pay for her man's child is wild. You knew/know that if you had given her that she would come back for more. Boundaries are important. You and your son can have a heart to heart if he is ever feeling any type of way.
    via krunchyrainbowstar
  • ShamefulPoDad Original Poster's Reply It's wild but not unlike Abi to do something like this. Money was the factor in our breakup and I suspect similar things are happening now and she's trying to use me to make it better.
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  • Public-Ad-9827 Even more NTA since your funds are so even that child support was not determined by the court. They should have much more funds than you as they have two functioning adults that should be bringing in income as opposed to your single income. If stepdad can't provide the funds for his daughter to go on a trip, then he needs to file for child support from her mother.
    via Public-Ad-9827
  • ShamefulPoDad Original Poster's Reply By right they should and they likely have access to more funds than I do. But I suspect the money is not going in all the right places or has been used in ways it shouldn't have been and now they are living with the real world consequences. I speak from the experience of mine and Abi's breakup.
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  • No_Purchase_3532 My question is why can't your ex & her husband can't afford $25? I assume somebody is employed & that you pay child support? I feel sorry for the stepdaughter & it's unfortunate that she had to miss the trip. That being said, she's not your responsibility & I can see where it could lead if you say yes. NTA but I may have done it depending on the reason it was needed with the stipulation that it was a one & done!
    via No_Purchase_3532
  • ShamefulPoDad Original Poster's Reply I don't pay child support because in general we are fairly evenly matched. But I know money has been tight over there since Christmas. I can't answer why because I don't know for certain but I have my suspicions about how good they are with money.
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  • Historical_Agent9426 Are you 100% certain he didn't pay the $25 and the girl didn't go on the field trip? Maybe Abi just saw an opportunity to try to shake you down for a little extra cash/test to see if this is a good way to guilt you out of some money. For that matter, are you sure he didn't also pay for your son to go because Abi told him you refused to pay? It's possible Abi thought you would pay for his kid because she successfully convinced him to pay for yours.
    via Historical_Agent9426
  • ShamefulPoDad Original Poster's Reply Abi's stepdaughter did not go on the field trip and that was confirmed. My son was only paid for once. I paid the whole thing and I would have seen if it was overpaid. He didn't pay for my son and he didn't pay for his daughter.
    via ShamefulPoDad

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family drama school kids mother field trip siblings work stepmom parenting family sister stepsister parents children Father
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