35-year-old daughter dumbfounded by her aging father's demand that she take her 9-year-old half-brother on vacation to France with her family and own 8 and 4-year-old children: 'We wanted the trip to be just us and our kids'

When this eldest daughter, who at 35-years-old has a life and family of her own, was asked by her father to take her young half-brother on vacation, she was taken aback.

The parentification of the eldest child or eldest children, a role reversal where the child is obliged to support the family in ways that are unfitting for their age, is nothing new. It's a story that we have seen play out time and time again, with these children being overly burdened by their parents and basically being made to act like a third parent while not having the maturity or age to do so. 

However, usually these eldest children are in their mid to late teens. You don't often see parents attempting to make their adult children parent their remaining children when they have long left the house and established lives and families of their own. In this case, this mother of two young children had her own family, her own life, and her own responsibilities, and she was not prepared to take on the care of her young half-brother.

Like what you see? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google. 

Author image for Brad Dickson Brad Dickson
Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10626070784
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    AITAH for telling my father to accept that my brother isn't my responsibility?

    I (35F) have a complicated relationship with both my father and his wife "Denise" (fake name) for several reasons, some of which relate. to my half-brother, "Jake" (9yo). There's a lot of backstory here, but to sum things up: Jake exists because Denise wanted a baby and my father was upset that both his daughters were moving out. They expected me and my sister (29yo) to have an active role in caring for Jake. That wouldn't be possible for either of us,
    via PianistHoliday3484
  • 03
    Cheezburger Image 10626070528
    via Getty Images

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Friends and family who have kids will often need support. Raising kids on top of everything else that life demands is a lot of work, and sharing the load to get a breather will mean the world to them. It is, quite literally, an important role that the community plays in our lives. But, there will always be those looking to take advantage and who are not shy at all in their attempts to push the kids off onto their family members just because it suits them. 

    This is where setting boundaries with family becomes so important. And when it's with family members who like to test those boundaries, often turning their own requests into expectations, it's rarely a one-time conversation and more of an ongoing battle. Consistency becomes key, and calmly letting them know when they have overstepped is essential so that they don't learn that they can quietly continue pushing the line forward.

  • 04
    but they continued to assume we'd give in. We didn't, which led to multiple fights that soured my relationship with our father. Denise also got mad at me for "refusing to be her village." I got pregnant with my first child when Jake was still a baby, which made her even more angry that I wouldn't help her as much as she wanted.
    via PianistHoliday3484
  • 05
    Things at their household aren't great. Jake isn't well-behaved. My father is not a very active parent, though he is more present than he used to be. And the older Jake gets, the more Denise loses interest in parenting. They never stopped trying to get me to help take care of their son. To this day, whenever they need a babysitter, they call me first, even though I'm almost never able to do it. They've tried multiple things over the years, but most of their current strategies concern my children
    via PianistHoliday3484
  • 06
    My kids do not get along with Jake, but not for lack of trying on my father and Denise's part. They've tried setting up "playdates" (AKA Denise dumping Jake on me and my kids while she went shopping), making them share a room on family vacations, and my father even considered changing Jake to Sam's school a few years ago. Every time there's an opportunity to make the kids spend time together, they push for it.
    via PianistHoliday3484
  • 07
    That brings us to now. My husband and I are planning a trip to France with our children in September to celebrate Katie's 5th birthday. We don't travel much and the trip will include Disneyland Paris, so the kids are thrilled.
    via PianistHoliday3484
  • 08
    My father found out and decided to propose that we bring Jake with us. He said he'd pay for "all" the expenses (flights and hotels) so that his son could go to Europe with my family. I said no, we wanted the trip to be just us and our kids. He kept insisting that Jake would love going to Disney with us, that he and Denise really wanted some "nice, child-free time," and that they'd appreciate it if I took care of my little brother like a good sister.
    via PianistHoliday3484
  • 09
    We had an argument, and I ended up losing my patience. I told my father that he needs to accept that Jake is not my responsibility and never will be, and that he and Denise should have thought about their "child-free time" before having a child. My father is furious. He accused me of saying I wished Jake was never born (I didn't), and called me an ungrateful brat for refusing to take care of my brother. Denise later called me to yell a few insults as well.
    via PianistHoliday3484
  • 10
    I don't think I'm in the wrong for refusing to bring Jake along, but I'm not proud of what I said to my father. My husband is on my side, but thinks I was too harsh. Edit: I didn't explain this clearly enough, but my father only offered to pay for Jake's flights and whatever extra accommodation costs were needed for him to stay with us. He did not offer to fly my whole family to Europe.
    via PianistHoliday3484

Like what you see? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google. 

Tags

family drama wedding drama brother sibling rivalry siblings family feud wedding family weddings
Scroll Down For The Next Article

Also From FAIL Blog

'People think my house is an AirBNB': Homeowner surprised by AirBNB guests entering the wrong home at 1:30 AM

'People think my house is an AirBNB': Homeowner surprised by AirBNB guests entering the wrong home at 1:30 AM

Trending Now

Former employee wipes data from his work computer after discovering his replacement was offered the salary he wanted

Former employee wipes data from his work computer after discovering his replacement was offered the salary he wanted

01
New homeowner does late-night DIY renovations, dismisses neighbors’ complaints, until they take it to the council and get the noise rules changed: 'Now, work has to stop by 8:00 PM'

New homeowner does late-night DIY renovations, dismisses neighbors’ complaints, until they take it to the council and get the noise rules changed: 'Now, work has to stop by 8:00 PM'

02
30-year-old quits her job of 6 years after new coworker, Ben, keeps stealing her work and credit, and faces zero consequences despite multiple complaints: ‘I addressed it with my manager, director, and HR. After a year I simply couldn’t take it anymore’

30-year-old quits her job of 6 years after new coworker, Ben, keeps stealing her work and credit, and faces zero consequences despite multiple complaints: ‘I addressed it with my manager, director, and HR. After a year I simply couldn’t take it anymore’

03
60-year-old homebuyer blindsided by previous owner, who demands access to the backyard shed: 'These sheds can go for thousands of dollars'

60-year-old homebuyer blindsided by previous owner, who demands access to the backyard shed: 'These sheds can go for thousands of dollars'

04
Fired employee refuses to help former employer after being let go, despite the concern that refusing would affect their payout: ‘Am I obligated to help?’

Fired employee refuses to help former employer after being let go, despite the concern that refusing would affect their payout: ‘Am I obligated to help?’

05
Woman refuses to watch her step-sister's 5 and 6-year-old children after being left with the children overnight the last time she watched them: '[She] didn't come back until Monday, 3 hours after I should have gone to work'

Woman refuses to watch her step-sister's 5 and 6-year-old children after being left with the children overnight the last time she watched them: '[She] didn't come back until Monday, 3 hours after I should have gone to work'

06
Advertisement