Daughter takes back her car after repeatedly reminding her mom to save for her own: ‘She had 15 months to save up’

Offering financial support to family members is an act of generosity. Lending your car when your mother's vehicle is no longer safe to drive is also an act of care. It can even strengthen the relationship, but only as long as deadlines and agreements are respected. 

What happens when the deal is not followed as agreed? Just because it involves family doesn't mean financial deadlines are automatically flexible. They can be handled with more understanding, but a person's time, effort, and life plans are still at stake. That's why money agreements should be taken seriously and respected. 

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  • Daughter standing next to her car, taking it back from her mom.
    via Unsplash+ (Taneli Lahtinen)

    Daughter standing next to her car, taking it back from her mom.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My mom has had my car since mid 2023. The car she had was on its last legs and dangerous to drive so I offered to let her use my car provided that she made the payments on it and I would still cover the insurance
    via No-Emergency-2522
  • Everything was ok for the first 2-3 months but then she started paying partially (300 out of 450, sometimes as low as 250). I had multiple conversations with her
    via No-Emergency-2522
  • about making the payments as I was not working due to just having a baby and my husband was the only one bringing in income. She said she would do better
    via No-Emergency-2522
  • Long story short she did not, and continued to make partial payments or skip them all together
    via No-Emergency-2522

  • Unexpected financial challenges happen, and life doesn't always go according to plan. But this daughter clearly understood that reality. That's the reason why she reminded her mother every month about the payments, checked in regularly, and continued to rely on the promises her mother made. She gave her time, communicated clearly, and gave her multiple opportunities to follow through. 

  • Daughter counts the money her mom paid for the car and realizes it's less than the amount they agreed on.
    via Unsplash+ (Alexander Grey)

    Daughter counts the money her mom paid for the car and realizes it's less than the amount they agreed on.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • In January of 2025 I called her, and said that I would resume taking over the payments on the car (not like I had stopped anyways) but I would be taking
    via No-Emergency-2522
  • the car back the following year to sell it and use that money to pay off my second car, allowing me to move out of my in-laws house since I would have less debt. She agreed
    via No-Emergency-2522

  • The problem is that her mother didn't keep her promises. Maybe it wasn't intentional, but the results still show not only a lack of responsibility but a lack of respect for the daughter's time and effort. When trust and financial commitments are involved, consistency matters. Or at least, honesty. The mother could have recognized that she might not be able to keep the agreement, and being honest about that earlier could have made a difference in how this situation unfolded. 

    Realizing you can't keep an agreement isn't the problem; failing to communicate it is.

  • I gave her over a year to save and even checked in with her multiple times. A few months before the new year, she asked me for $2000 (the total amount that she had paid towards the car back since she would not be keeping it)
    via No-Emergency-2522
  • A daughter's car parked outside a family's household.
    via Unsplash+ (Keith Mapeki)

    A daughter's car parked outside a family's household.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Obviously I said no, because genuinely why would you ask that???
    via No-Emergency-2522
  • She is now stressed because she didn't save anything and was relying solely on her tax return to get herself a new car.
    via No-Emergency-2522
  • My sister has called and told me that I was being unreasonable in selling the car so soon and that I should give her a few more months to get some money together. I refused (Again, she had 15 months to save up) Am I the a hle???
    via No-Emergency-2522

  • The daughter needed the car to move forward with her own life plans, reduce debt, or build financial stability, and her needs matter too! Even within a family dynamic. Supporting your loved ones should never mean putting your own future on hold without a clear end date. 

  • EDIT: Since I've seen some of the comments saying I did not give enough context on her situation: my mom has maybe 1000$ total bills since she lives with my sister (her rent is only 300$ plus water and power and gas) and she has around 700-1000$ left over.
    via No-Emergency-2522
  • She has never been good with money BUT she has paid multiple other people in her life back when she has borrowed money, I thought I would receive the same respect
    via No-Emergency-2522
  • I started working in August of last year so we are no longer a single income household
    via No-Emergency-2522
  • Yes we have both definitely been enabling her for too long and I recognize that it is most definitely no one else's fault that I have allowed that even if it is from my own mother
    via No-Emergency-2522
  • Homologous Trend Your sister can give her money. You have done more than enough. She will never be ready. NTA
    via Homologous_Trend
  • Slayerofdrums NTA. You gave her plenty of time. Take back the car asap, so there is no risk of her damaging it, and sell it. She can make payments herself to a car that is more within her financial range.
    via Slayerofdrums
  • nasnedigonyat Your mom sounds like a confused nineteen year old. NTA. That's your car. You gave her plenty of time to plan. You made a deal. These are the terms of the deal. She can get a loan like hundreds of thousands of other people and get her own used car. Its really quite easy. They're just throwing car loans at people.
    via nasnedigonyat
  • Accomplished-Emu-591 NTA. You gave her plenty of time and paid her missed car payments anyway. Enough is too much already!
    via Accomplished-Emu-591

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