Employee calls out coworker's bad table manners in front of a client, coworker reports them to HR for discrimination: 'They would hold their fork in their hand like a fist and could not cut their steak properly using a knife.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 15, 2026 12:30 PM EDT

He needs to learn how to use a fork and a knife at some point in his life.

There is a lot of uncertainty in the sales industry. There is usually quite a low barrier to entry. Someone can get a sales job with little field experience, or even without a degree. Getting the job is the easy part, but succeeding takes a lot of finesse and skill. A salesman can either make more than an engineer or make less than a minimum-wage employee, depending on their base salary and the amount of commission they earn. Some sales jobs don't even offer a base pay, forcing employees to thrive or starve, which can be a strong motivator for some. 

In order to succeed in sales, you need to have social skills that are far above average. You can't be one of those employees who just come to work, sit behind their computer quietly for eight hours, and go home. You need to have interpersonal skills, including but not limited to talking on the phone and going to dinner with clients. If you can't handle that, sales might not be right for you. 

The young salesman in this story is a little green to the industry. He doesn't know quite yet that any incorrect move he makes can work against his goals. His colleague politely informed him after a dinner that he was using his utensils correctly, and instead of thanking him for the advice, he went nuclear mode on his coworker. He called HR and accused him of discrimination, even though he was just trying to help him out.

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  • Close-up of a cutting fillet steak
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    A young salesman cuts into an incredibly rare steak during a client dinner, holding his fork with a fist. 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the bad guy for telling my coworker they have poor table manners?

    Throwaway account here. I also want to preface before getting into it that I am European, but I have lived in the US and in Asia.
    via u/No_Reference_1173
  • I am aware that different cultures have different ways of using utensils and etiquette when it comes to eating. I have eaten with a knife and fork, chopsticks and my hands and I actually love learning about how different cultures eat and treat food!
    via u/No_Reference_1173
  • A person holding chopsticks over a bowl of dipping sauce
    via Olivie Strauss (Unsplash+)

    European salesman eats sushi using chopsticks with finesse. 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Here's the situation: I work in sales in a big city in the USA. I travel a lot for work and go to many client dinners. A few weeks ago, I was at a client dinner with a junior salesperson on my team, and the way they were using their utensils
    via u/No_Reference_1173
  • and overall behavior at the table was incredibly r de. They would hold their fork in their hand like a fist and could not cut their steak properly using a knife. I understand that it comes from privilege to learn how to eat in a nice restaurant,
    via u/No_Reference_1173
  • but this person comes from a wealthy suburb and went to private school, as they like to talk about. I observed multiple people at the table, including our clients, looking at my colleague with strange looks and making slide glances. It was awkward.
    via u/No_Reference_1173
  • The next day, I had coffee with this colleague before we were supposed to go a meeting at our clients' office. At the coffee shop, I decided to bring up how my colleague was using their knife and fork at dinner. I said something
    via u/No_Reference_1173
  • along the lines of, "hey, I noticed that the way that you use utensils is a bit informal. I would be happy to show you the way that I use my knife and fork, or I could send you a YouTube video". They were extremely embarrassed and offended by my
    via u/No_Reference_1173
  • A man sitting in front of a laptop computer
    via Sebastian Herrmann

    Junior salesman cringes upon learning that he has bad table manners.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • comment. I dropped it. We went to the client meeting, and they didn't really interact with me much after.
    via u/No_Reference_1173
  • Now, last week, I got a message by someone in our HR group to speak to me. My colleague had reported me to HR for "discriminating" against them, and i feel like there has been just a huge misunderstanding.
    via u/No_Reference_1173
  • I am the type of person that would want to know if I had food stuck in my teeth, or if I had sat in something that stained my pants. I told my colleague this feedback in a private setting, not in front of other people. I cannot
    via u/No_Reference_1173
  • believe this has created an issue at work now. AITA for bringing this up, how should I solve this?
    via u/No_Reference_1173
  • Sal_Amanderr NTA. These people commenting don't work with clients. It's absolutely okay to mentor a newer person on proper etiquette when interacting with key clients. Reporting you to HR just further illustrates that they have a lot to learn. It seems like most people on this site work at chipotle nowadays. The lack of experience and brain rot shows hard here.
    via u/Sal_Amanderr
  • No Reference 1173 OP Thank you for this comment. This was my intention - to mentor or offer advice to a junior person!
    via u/No_Reference_1173
  • LadyLightTravel The minute you said "sales" I said uh-oh. Etiquette is incredibly important for positions like this. I would let HR, your boss, and his boss know. They have "charm schools" for business.
    via u/LadyLightTravel
  • MaxTheGinger I would not offer an apology. They went to HR over you correcting them about your job. Poor etiquette is a dumb reason to lose a sale. You should defend your postion. An apology will be seen as admission of guilt. HR is not a fair mediator.
    via u/MaxTheGinger
  • If they had just come to you, then you could've apologized and explained your position, and intent. Where it is, I would only state your position, and intent. And then state like how they lack etiquette in eating with clients, they also lack etiquette in dealing with criticism from peers.
    via u/MaxTheGinger
  • unreliable_ibex Fork and knife use doesn't read as privilege to me, just cultural knowledge. Either way NTA. You told him politely in private.
    via u/unreliable_ibex
  • xKuusouka That and table manners (don't slurp, chewing with your mouth closed, etc) should be common knowledge. The clients don't wanna do business with someone who eats like a pig.
    via u/xKuusouka
  • TheAlexperience Infantilizing someone by offering to send them YouTube videos of how to hold a fork and knife isn't polite. It's condescending and wasn't asked for.
    via u/TheAlexperience
  • castafobe bad. He is an employee representing his Too f company and eating like a child is going to actively harm any potential deal. I don't know where this notion that we are never allowed to offend anyone came from. Of course we should all strive to be kind, but sometimes you just have to give someone a hard truth.
    via u/castafobe
  • Dont_mind_if NTA. First it is not discrimination to tell someone they are doing something wrong. Also is HR going to foster an environment where people run to HR when they are they are not doing something correctly.
    via u/Dont_mind_if
  • Jumpy_Spend_5434 I really dislike when people throw big words around like discrimination, harassment, and bu ying, when they're simply unhappy about being criticized. Those words have serious meaning in the workplace and it diminishes situations where it's actually happening, because people get almost desensitized to these words.
    via u/Jumpy_Spend_5434

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manners steak employee professional fork coworkers knife client dinner sales
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