Friend group's default driver refuses to go on a lake trip after no one chips in for gas up front, friends blame him for cancelling the trip: ‘[We] already bought food’

Being the friend with a car usually means becoming the group's default driver. It's one of those unspoken pacts that everyone seems to accept, especially when the driver doesn't mind helping and can afford to cover gas. But that's not particularly the case with this group of friends. 

This man had been driving his friends everywhere for years. They relied on him whenever they wanted to go anywhere, and he never complained because he could afford it. But the moment he was laid off, his financial situation changed, and filling up his gas tank became an expense. 

So you might expect a good friend to understand him and offer to help. Well, not the case here. His friends continued relying on him to cover the gas costs for a weekend trip to the lake, dismissing his several requests for everyone to chip in up front.   

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  • 01
    Recently laid-off car driver returning home after cancelling friends' lake trip.
    via Unsplash+ (JSB Co.)

    Recently laid-off car driver returning home after cancelling friends' lake trip.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    it's just how things have worked out in my group of friends for the past few years, I've almost always been the one driving everyone around. To barbecues, to summer cottages, on trips out of town, and so
    via Helena_Nelsona
  • 03
    on. I hardly drink, plus I'm the only one with a car, so it just sort of became the norm that whenever we needed to go somewhere, everyone looked to me.
    via Helena_Nelsona
  • 04
    It didn't really bother me before. I had a decent, stable job, I had money, and gas wasn't really an issue. Sometimes someone would transfer the money later, sometimes they'd forget altogether, but I didn't really keep track.
    via Helena_Nelsona
  • 05
    A couple of months ago, I got laid off. Now I'm working somewhere else, but the pay is way lower, and money has become really tight. After paying rent and bills, I had very little left until payday, and I just couldn't afford a full tank of gas. I told my friends about this ahead of time, without making a big deal out of it.
    via Helena_Nelsona
  • 06
    Recently, they suggested going on an overnight trip to the lake. About six or seven of us. A grill, meat, tents, the whole shebang. And right away, they started discussing what time I'd pick them up. The rest either didn't have a car or a driver's license, or they planned to drink and didn't want to stay sober.
    via Helena_Nelsona
  • 07
    Friends going on a lake trip for the weekend and having fun.
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    Friends going on a lake trip for the weekend and having fun.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    I calmly said I could give them a ride, but only if everyone chipped in for gas up front, because I simply didn't have enough money to even fill up properly. Everyone agreed.
    via Helena_Nelsona
  • 09
    The day before the trip, I messaged the group chat to remind them that I needed the money right away, otherwise I just wouldn't be able to leave. In response, the usual don't worry about it, we'll pay you back later, we wouldn't let you down started up.
    via Helena_Nelsona
  • 10
    I wrote again that I wasn't going anywhere without the money. No one responded seriously, except for a couple of jokes, so I figured they'd found another option. In the end, I just didn't go anywhere that morning.
    via Helena_Nelsona

  • He was completely honest with his friends about his situation and made it clear he could still drive only if everyone contributed to gas in advance. They ignored his reminders and completely dismissed his situation. They were literally warned about this on many occasions: without the money, the trip was impossible. So it's unreasonable for them to become upset, call him greedy and blame him for cancelling the trip. The accusation is totally unfair.

  • 11
    And then everyone suddenly started frking out. They wrote to me that I'd ruined their weekend because they'd already bought food and were counting on me. Someone even said I'd become greedy and money grubbing after getting fired.
    via Helena_Nelsona
  • 12
    A car parked at a fuel station.
    via Unsplash+ (Krzysztof Hepner)

    A car parked at a fuel station.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    But i really don't understand what i was supposed to do.l literally didn't even have enogh money to fill up my car. AITA?
    via Helena_Nelsona
  • 14
    Camping food and supplies packed for a weekend lake trip.
    via Unsplash+ (Damien Dufour)

    Camping food and supplies packed for a weekend lake trip.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • By the way, if six adults can afford to buy food, they could have contributed to gas money. But the problem is that they took their ‘default driver’ for granted, and they never even bothered to pay him the money up front. So if weekend plans were cancelled, it was because his friends chose not to contribute to the cost of getting to the lake, not because the car owner was selfish. Actually, he did nothing wrong. He communicated clearly, but his friends never listened. 

  • 15
    69FireChicken NTA, if there's no money there's no gas, car won't go! I can't imagine having friends that don't understand the situation, your life has changed, you're struggling a bit, they should be stepping up to cover you, not expecting you to sacrifice more.
    via 69FireChicken
  • 16
    ElaraMarie Nta at all. Don't be the driver anymore period. They don't appreciate you our the struggles you're going through. And it's not only gas that they are using up but maintenance on your vehicle.
    via ElaraMarie
  • 17
    DJ1952 A favor became an expectation. An expectation became an entitlement. Your friends were using you and could not understand when you took away their free taxi service when your economic circumstances changed for the worse. You were NTA for refusing to take them without cash in hand for gas before the trip. Too often "I'll pay you later" becomes "catch me if you can".
    via DJ1952
  • 18
    Squirrels-love-me NTA-they I can either pay for gas or be at home
    via Squirrels-love-me
  • 19
    Constant_Increase_17 They were counting on you? That's funny because you were counting on them. If they aren't going to follow through, why would you? NTA
    via Constant_Increase_17
  • 20
    Apprehensive-Gur-551 NTA and these people are using you. If they had $$ to get the food, they could have sent gas money....they just didn't want to.
    via Apprehensive-Gur-551

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