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I just recently witnessed an inheritance debacle in my family, and I know for a fact that grandparents or the elderly don't want to see their legacy turned sour in the mouths and actions of their spawn. They want their earnings to bring everyone together as they're remembered fondly; they don't want cash to come in the way of what really matters: the love of their family members.
Oftentimes, inheritance matters make everyone lose sight of a little, but luckily, this young woman is protecting the legacy of her grandparents by standing her ground. Although her father may be family to her, his children (her half-siblings) aren't actually a part of her mom's family at all. And by being clear about her intentions and holding firm on her promises, this young lady is going to start her life with the right values in mind.
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My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money.
My mom's side of the family were/are pretty wealthy. When my mom [passed] my grandparents made sure I (21F) was taken care of and they would give my dad (50M) money to help him out with raising me.
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I was newly 5 at the time. Things changed a while after because my dad remarried just over a year after mom [passed] and told them his wife would be adopting me. They asked if I wanted it and he said I didn't know what was best for me. They told him they wouldn't give him money anymore if the adoption went ahead without my enthusiastic consent. My dad was bitter about it and so was my stepmother but they didn't go ahead with the adoption because they wanted money to help with me and I never gave my consent to the adoption.
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Eventually they stopped getting the money anyway because my dad went scorched the earth on my grandparents for not spoiling my half siblings. My dad and stepmother tried to make the adoption happen then but a judge wouldn't approve it without me wanting it. I didn't want it. That furthered their anger toward my grandparents because they believed my grandparents were the reason I didn't want it.
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When I was 19 my grandpa [passed] and I lost my grandma last year. My grandparents took care of me again in their wills. Mostly grandma since she was the last to go. I am now very comfortable financially and I'm looking to buy a house. My dad doesn't know how much money I have now but he's aware my grandparents would have left me a lot of money.
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He was talking about the hard times he and my stepmother had financially and how my half siblings don't really have savings. I knew he was implying I should give them money but I ignored him until he asked me directly and I told him no directly. He told me he didn't think he needed to ask but he expected me to want to make sure my half siblings are taken care of. I told him I didn't feel responsible for that. I said the money was always for me to make sure I was okay and that's what it will be spent on. He called my grandparents selfish and he said I was learning from them by refusing.
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Since he made his expectations very clear and I made my answer clear things have been rough and I'm not sure what'll happen next or what to do. There is no talking to him and there's no way I'll ever give my half siblings money like that. I'm mostly here to see what people think I should do next since it feels like this will lead to no contact pretty easily because now all the bitterness and anger will be directed at me.
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Hold on...he is trying to get your MOTHERS parents money? After they helped him? Did I read that right? How sleezy. Sorry but wow. Not one dime. How dare he ask.
Yes, he wants me to give money left to me by my mom's parents to my half siblings who were not their family. But he also expected them when alive to give to my half siblings and to make sure they were taken care of as well. He wasn't ever happy about them just helping us or them stepping in over the adoption he wanted to happen.
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So despite having two seemingly able bodies parents that can work and support them they then to be supported by you just because you may have means?
Is financial parentification a thing, because that’s what this sounds like.
They had ample opportunity to save for thier kids, but the they refused because they just knew they could convince you to do it.
Op, not only do you say no, secure all your accounts , and make sure they have no access to them and then go low contact .
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If your father wants money so bad for your half siblings he can go to his parents or your step mother’s parents for them. They are the biological grandparents of those children, yours weren’t. I wouldn’t give them a dime.
What’s really sad is that the money that is now all solely yours is because they are all deceased. Sorry for your losses. Your father is the selfish greedy one.
Thank you. I wish I could have the people back. I was very lucky to have my grandparents long enough to teach me a lot of valuable lessons and to help me feel connected to my mom still.
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