Burned-out 25-year-old interviews for new job behind his partner's back despite her protests about the potential work hours, he claims: ‘She is lacking support for this change’

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
May 30, 2026 5:00 PM EDT

Should you share everything that goes on in your life with your romantic partner?

When you ask someone who has been in a long-term, thriving relationship, what's the key to a successful relationship, they are bound to mention 'honesty' as one of the key elements. Being honest and transparent with the person you decide to spend your life with is a must, and without it, the relationship is bound to crumble.

However, this doesn't answer the question of how far you should go in the name of honesty. Should someone share everything that happens to them all the time with their partner, or is there a place for keeping private details to yourself?

The 25-year-old fiancé in the story below is wondering if he should do this one thing behind his fiancée's back, since he was met with a lack of support from her in that regard. He turned to an online community with a simple question: Should I go to a job interview without telling my fiancée about it, because I know she doesn't want me to take said job?

The reason why he wants to take the job is simply that he is burned out in his current job, and this new job pays better and is fully remote. However, the work hours are pretty intense and imply that he will have significantly less time to spend with his fiancée. When he told her about this opportunity, she expressed her concerns about the hours and told him he shouldn't take the job. He, on the other hand, feels like she is disregarding his feelings about his current job and is not giving the new job a proper chance. So, he decided to continue the interview process without her support and without her knowledge, and is wondering if that was the right call to make. 

What do you think? Should he be honest with his fiancée, or does he have a right to make the choice about his own career without her involvement? Keep scrolling to read the full story.

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  • 01
    A sad couple sitting on the couch, represented by two models.
    via Getty Images

    A sad couple sitting on the couch, represented by two models.

  • 02

    "AITAH for going to a job interview behind my fiancés back."

    I (25M) work in logistics and feel very burnout. Day in and day out I spend time on the phone with clients and truckers.
    via Embarrassed-Pace255
  • 03
    I average roughly 300-350 phone calls a day and by the end of the day I'm so socially drained I don't want to have a conversation with anyone. It's a 8-5pm job with decent benefits and pays the bills.
    via Embarrassed-Pace255
  • 04
    However, recently I was head hunted for medical sales position doing warm inbound leads. The position is fully remote with a 20k pay increase and the same benefits with 2
    via Embarrassed-Pace255
  • 05
    extra personal days off. The company also supplies all of the equipment to work from home. The only issue would be my hours of work. I would have to choose between the 2 options:
    via Embarrassed-Pace255
  • 06
    Mon-Thu 1pm–10pm & Sun 12pm-9pm Mon-Fri 3pm-12am
    via Embarrassed-Pace255
  • 07
    While not the best hours I was still thrilled about the option as I would have less stress from work and make a good bit more. So I present the option to my fiancé (27F). She was not too thrilled about the position.
    via Embarrassed-Pace255
  • 08
    She believed that the hours would cause problems in our relationship as we wouldn't be spending the nights after work together and possibly lose a
    via Embarrassed-Pace255
  • 09
    weekend day together (she works a standard 9-5 mon-fri). I pointed out that most weeknights we don't see each other until almost 8pm anyways as one of us normally
    via Embarrassed-Pace255
  • 10
    goes to the gym after work or do something with a friend. We would still have a weekend day together and potentially both days if I took the later time slot.
    via Embarrassed-Pace255
  • 11
    I can understand her concerns but I'm also devastated as she knows I'm not happy at my current job and felt that she is lacking support for this change.
    via Embarrassed-Pace255
  • 12
    After thinking it over for a while I reached back out to the hiring manager and accepted the next round interview without telling her. AITAH?
    via Embarrassed-Pace255
  • 13
    A representation of a job interview depicted by a man sitting at an office desk in front of a woman.
    via Mina Rad

    A representation of a job interview depicted by a man sitting at an office desk in front of a woman.

  • 14
    writing_mm_romance Those hours are odd for a medical sales role, unless you're doing the sales development for a company based in another country. Either way, you should choose what you think is best. If the job and money is more appealing go for it, it may simply be a temporary inconvenience.
    via writing_mm_romance
  • 15
    Top-Bit85 NTA. A full time job overcomes so much of our lives, at least do it for more money and less burnout. Your fiancée needs to learn about compromising.
    via Top-Bit85
  • 16
    xxwhatsinanamexx Working second shift is tough on your social life and relationships. My husband works second and we make it work but it has burned him out after 2 years. He had to
    via xxwhatsinanamexx
  • 17
    miss out on a lot with his friends and our daughter. If you were head hunted there's a good chance you have many options for a new job if you applied. Ultimately it's your choice, not hers.
    via xxwhatsinanamexx
  • 18
    Similar-Bee2647 I would just tell her the truth and go. How she reacts is on her. She's TA for not seeing how you are drowning and now you have a life jacket. You would be the a hole going behind her back. You can make it work, it just takes work.
    via Similar-Bee2647
  • 19
    Awkward-Train1584 This is a remote position with a 20K increase, I have no idea what the problem could be here.
    via Awkward-Train1584
  • 20
    Thoughtfullnhibitor I dont do anything behind my wifes back. You should jist be honest with your fiance.
    via Thoughtfullnhibitor
  • 21
    WorkingInACold Mind NTA about the job, but YTA for not telling your fiancée. It's a job, if you do well maybe the shifts change and you're making more money and back to normal. Even if working odd hours for a few years isn't great, you're supposed to be sharing your life with her.
    via WorkingInAColdMind

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boyfriend relationship advice job work new job relationships girlfriend advice burnout workplace job interview
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