20-year-old Woman Tells her 14 and 12-year-old Homeschooled Cousins that They Need to be Able to Read to go to College, starting a Family Dispute: 'They'll end up teaching themselves'

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jun 1, 2026 3:15 PM EDT

Is this well-meaning relative wrong for telling her homeschooled cousins that they need to learn how to read? 

Reading is one of the most important skills a person can have in their life. Though a lot of folks don't actually like to read, they learned it anyway because their teachers pushed them to. 

If it was up to many students, they'd simply spend all day playing video games, scrolling TikTok, or talking with their friends. A lot of parents are under this impression that their kids will have this natural inclination to read, that they'll evolve over time into an adult who knows how to read. And that's just not the case. 

It takes dozens, if not hundreds, of hours of instruction for a child to develop the skills necessary to read books. Parents need to read to their kids each day, ideally, starting from birth. Then, their teachers provide them with additional instruction as they grow up. 

Yet with the new and growing trend of homeschooling, some children aren't learning how to read. 

Should this 20-year-old woman have gotten involved with her own cousins' homeschooling? Or should she have kept her thoughts about their education to herself? 

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  • 01
    Homeschool Mom reacts as her child attempts to write a sentence, as depicted by 2 models.
    via Getty Images

    Homeschool Mom reacts as her child attempts to write a sentence, as depicted by 2 models.

  • 02

    AITA for saying that you need to be able to read to go to college?

    I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone. I (20f) just finished my junior year of college. My sister (18f) is finishing her senior year of high school. We both worked really hard and ended up at what I think are pretty good schools with really good scholarships.
    via MinimumFerret5010
  • 03
    My uncle married a woman whose first husband passed really young and so now he's the adoptive father to her three kids. He's been married to her for like 10 years now, this isn't new.
    via MinimumFerret5010
  • 04
    Homeschool Mom puts her hands to her head as her daughter shrugs, trying to explain why she can't read her schoolwork assignments.
    via Getty Images

    Homeschool Mom puts her hands to her head as her daughter shrugs, trying to explain why she can't read her schoolwork assignments.

  • 05
    Since her first husband passed, though, she's been homeschooling the kids but in the way where the parents don't do much teaching and the kids have to basically tell the parents what they want to learn, I think it's called unschooling. As a result, they don't teach their kids anything unless they explicitly ask, which means they never taught my cousins to read or do math and basically just said
    via MinimumFerret5010
  • 06
    "They'll end up teaching themselves" (through osmosis or something). My family has had a lot of disagreements with them about the unschooling thing and now my parents have just agreed that they don't talk about it with my aunt and uncle.
    via MinimumFerret5010
  • 07
    Homeschool Mom peers over her daughter's shoulder as the kid does her schoolwork, in a representation by 2 models.
    via Getty Images

    Homeschool Mom peers over her daughter's shoulder as the kid does her schoolwork, in a representation by 2 models.

  • It's wild how parents think their kids will just learn reading through osmosis. Maybe in their own memories, they think they just picked up on the skill one day with little effort. 
     

    They couldn't be more wrong, though. Some children certainly have more of an inclination toward reading, and pick up on it faster. But that's thanks to a kindergarten teacher who taught them their ABCs, a 1st and 2nd grade teacher who taught them phonics, and a 3rd grade teacher who insisted that they practice their handwriting and work on proper spelling. It's a diss to teachers to say that you just randomly one day found yourself reading a novel when that is just so far from the truth. 

  • 08
    Their two oldest kids are my and my sister's ages. They're in trade schools to be a carpenter and a car mechanic, which go them, I'm applying to med school currently and my sister wants to be a teacher so they'll definitely be making more money than us in
    via MinimumFerret5010
  • 09
    Teen girl is depicted by a model attempting to read a book on a comfy bench.
    via Getty Images

    Teen girl is depicted by a model attempting to read a book on a comfy bench.

  • 10
    the next decade lol. They both say that academics aren't really their thing but they have enough reading, writing, and math skills that they're doing fine in their chosen careers.
    via MinimumFerret5010
  • 11
    Her youngest kid is about 14 and she can't really read. Up until she was about 12 she couldn't read at all, now she has some basic words down. My sister and I used to read to her because she liked it but we were also kids and didn't really know how to be her
    via MinimumFerret5010
  • 12
    teacher. My sister liked to play 'school' and our cousin picks up math super quickly so that's mostly what we played in our fake lessons as that was the easier subject, reading we found hard to relate to because we both learned it in kindergarten. Like I don't know how to teach somebody to read. I feel guilty for
    via MinimumFerret5010
  • 13
    14-year-old reads atop a large pile of books, as a model displays.
    via Gaelle Marcel

    14-year-old reads atop a large pile of books, as a model displays.

  • 14
    not helping her more but I don't even remember how I was taught, just that I know how to read. Said cousin has recently began expressing that she wants to go to college like my sister and I. Her mom was asking us what types of things she can do to better prepared. Before really thinking, I said "Well you do need to be able to read to go to college."
    via MinimumFerret5010
  • 15
    Our cousin started crying because she feels embarrassed she can't read. This is really the first time she's demonstrated in front of us she's been upset, but she said that she's been telling her mom she's felt embarrassed about it for a while now. Her mom got angry at me and said I was buying her daughter for pointing out something she's ashamed of.
    via MinimumFerret5010
  • 16
    I feel like I'm not really the problem here, though. I get that I was blunt and maybe could've been less pointed but also...you do need to read to go to college. You literally need to write an essay to get into college. I feel like her mom is over-reacting. My cousin's feelings are valid but it's my aunt and uncle's fault for not teaching her to read.
    via MinimumFerret5010
  • 17

    Do parents know that their kids won't be able to read the contracts they're signing someday?

    halcyonwade NTA - You told the truth (and it sounds like she's already aware she needs this skill). Your aunt and uncle are massive for not ensuring their child can read. It's not just about college. Reading is an essential skill to function in society. Your job as a parent
    via halcyonwade

    Do they know that their kids won't be able to rise through the ranks of most decent-paying jobs if they can't read an email from their boss? You think that most parents want to give their kids every opportunity in the world. But some parents just do not have that worldview at all. 

  • 18
    is to prepare your child to be a functional, self-sufficient adult. Reading is taught in kindergarten because it is a foundational life skill. What other foundational skills is this poor girl lacking? What happens when she reaches adulthood?
    via halcyonwade

  • These commenters had some good points. 

    Kids are bright. They know their strengths and they also know what they need to improve upon. Their Mom might be shielding them from reality, but it's important that someone in their lives, in this case their cousin, is telling it straight. These kids know they can't read, and the longer they go without that ability, the worse off they'll be. 

  • 19
    TacoDoc2 NTA, that's just a fact. and she should be embarrassed that she can't re ad at 14. the mom should be embarrassed. Everybody directly involved should be embarrassed.
    via TacoDoc2
  • 20
    if she can't read at 14, trade school is her best option. higher ed is not going to be within her reach without a miracle. Those are just facts. If it upsets her, she and her mother can actually do something about it.
    via TacoDoc2

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