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Roommate Skimming Off Utility Bill
❝I have two roommates right now, one of which is a very close friend. This friend is the one who has the water and power bill in her name. Every month she sends a screenshot of the amount owed, then Venmo requests me and our other roommate for it.
Just the other night she asked me to find something in her room she left behind to take to her at a party we both were attending, and while looking for it I noticed a power bill on her nightstand that said URGENT: PAST DUE BALANCE in all red capitalized letters on it.❞
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I can't imagine the kind of betrayal this person must be feeling right now. Finding out that a stranger lied to you is one thing. Finding out that a close friend may have been quietly taking advantage of you for years is something else entirely.
For three years, this roommate handled the household utility bills. It was a simple arrangement: the bills were in her name, she would send screenshots showing the amount due each month, and the other roommates would send over their share. That's the kind of system most people wouldn't think twice about. When you're living with friends, a certain level of trust comes built into the arrangement.
The roommate asked her friend to grab something from her bedroom before a party. While looking for it, she happened to notice a power bill sitting on the nightstand with a giant "PAST DUE BALANCE" notice printed across it. Naturally, curiosity took over. Looking closer, she realized there was still money owed from a previous billing cycle. That's when things started getting weird.
After taking a photo of the bill, she compared it to the payment request that arrived later. Sure enough, the amount being requested appeared to include the old unpaid balance. Suddenly all those carefully cropped screenshots from previous months looked a lot more suspicious.
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❝I picked it up and looking at it, it appears she’s been taking our money, using it as a loan, and then paying the utilities in little spurts as she can afford over 2 months. It said there was a remaining balance of ~$100 left unpaid from last cycle due immediately that would be added to the next bill, so I took a photo of it to see if when she requests us for this cycle the amounts would line up. Today she sends the requests to me and our other roommate, and like I thought, it includes the $100 past due balance. I noticed that the screenshot she is sending is conveniently cropped just to include the “total amount due” so I decided to look back. It looks like all of the screenshots for past bills are the same way, with the breakdown left out.❞
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❝Instead of responding to her request I referenced the photo I had and sent her the amount I actually owe less the past due balance without saying anything. I am feeling really betrayed right now, and am worried this has been going on every cycle for the ~3 years we’ve lived together, which could mean she’s stolen up to $2,000 from me. I don’t want her to think I was snooping around, which is why I didn’t bring it up, but I am kind of at a loss as to how to confront this situation, find out what’s been taken from me, and avoid this happening again moving forward. We were really good friends before moving in and have a lot of mutual friends too, so this isn’t just a strictly roommates situation and I’m trying to remain civil without getting angry right now. Any advice is appreciated.❞
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Honestly, the part that gets me isn't even the money. Well, okay, it's definitely the money too. If this has really been happening consistently for three years, we're potentially talking about thousands of dollars. But what makes the story sting is the possibility that someone you considered a close friend was treating your trust like an interest-free loan program.
I think most people would gladly help a friend who was struggling financially if they were honest about it. If your roommate came to you and said, "Hey, money is tight right now and I'm behind on utilities," most reasonable people would at least have a conversation. What feels different here is the lack of transparency. The cropped screenshots. The missing breakdowns. The possibility that everyone was paying exactly what they were told without ever knowing where the money was actually going.
Of course, nobody knows for certain how long this has been happening or whether there is some explanation that hasn't surfaced yet. But from the outside, it's easy to understand why the original poster feels betrayed. Because once trust starts feeling like something that can be itemized and added to a monthly bill, it's probably already overdue.
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Make up an excuse to get access to the payments
Like you could say your parents are going to help you out with bills but they want to be able to log in and pay your fraction of the utilities directly rather than sending anyone the money (or I guess you could just say that’s what YOU want to do, which would be valid, it just sounds easier to shift the blame somewhere else so there’s no drama)
Even if you want to be honest with her, I wouldn’t say you have to explain why and open the door for drama. Just say it’d be easier for you to make the payments yourself.
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Why in the world would you tiptoe around her feelings when you’re the one that’s been lied to and taken advantage of? I get that you’re trying to remain civil and I think that’s a good thing, but she’s made it very clear she can’t be trusted and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you then requiring to see the entire bill or access to the account to confirm the amount you’re supposed to pay.
She has been conning you. You have every right to be angry. She’s taking your money for bills and using it for who knows what then charging you not only for the same portion you already paid but likely whatever late fees are also incurred from her theft and irresponsible behavior. You should also make your other roommate aware because what she is doing is seriously messed up and not how a friend would treat you. Stop feeling like you’re the problem for confronting her bad behavior or like you’re the bad guy for finding out she’s been stealing from someone she claims is a close friend.
It also sucks because you live with this person you now know you cannot trust. If she’d steal from you and lie to you like this, how do you know she wouldn’t grab a $20 from your wallet or take an expensive item? You don’t and it’s not only completely valid to now be suspicious but also smart. What’s the old platitude? “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
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Honestly, you were on the room with permission and unless you went rifling through everything for the bill, I think you're in full rights to bring this up.
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This happened to me in a house share in my early 20s. We didn’t learn that our roommate was doing that until the electricity was shut off in the middle of a Seattle winter. It’s good you can intervene before that happens, but you will likely end up needing to cover the difference yourself and the friendship will probably be over. People that do stuff like that just don’t suddenly come up with the money to pay it when caught. My guy waited til the lights went out and then bailed in the middle of the night lmao. Never saw him again
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Call the electric company. Ask them to provide a 12 month history. Tell them you are thinking of renting at that address, and are curious what the electric bills run. They do this in my state . And then calculate what you have paid and you will have your answer
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All of the roommates need to have a meeting. Roommate who is collecting for the bills needs to be confronted politely about not paying the bills in full each month and needs to provide the actual bills for the past x months (6 months or however long she's been doing this) and she needs to explain what's going on. Is she sending in partial payments because she doesn't have her share? Or is she pocketing part of what is being given to her? She needs to provide the same amount of bills for any utility payments she was managing for the household.
IF you want to continue with her as a roommate, then the bills need to be transferred to one of the other roommates names. I would also discuss how much she has been overcharging and whether you want to let it go or set up a payment plan for her to repay.
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Just insist she starts putting the bill on the fridge when it comes from now on. Tell her you want to see the usage because the bill seems high to you.
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Everyone living with roommates that split different bills should have a conversation about this upfront. All bills should be seen in full by all parties involved. Either pdf in a housing group chat or paper copies available for review. It’s infuriating how people like this get away with these underhanded things when simple rules and conversation could have prevented so much trouble.
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Tell her you’re keeping a log f the bills and you need to have a copy of the actual bill showing usage etc.
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"Hey when I grabbed your stuff to bring to the party, I saw the electric bill out and the big ass PAST DUE caught my eye because it should be paid up, so I took a quick pic. Now you are adding the past due amount to my new balance. I'm afraid I need to see the last four bills to see if you've been stealing from me."
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Frankly I’d confront her about it and demand to see all of the past bills. If she did this, she isn’t your friend.
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