28-year-old woman wonders how can she become a better friend after all her friends cancel on her last minute and thinking her being a bad friend is causing that: 'I feel like I should be a better friend so people would actually want to spend time with me'

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  • How to be a better friend ?

    I'm a 28F. Lots of my friends seem to cancel on me most of the time when we're supposed to see each other.
  • Even on my birthday, many people will cancel last minute, usually more than half of the people who RSVP'd. This has been going on for years. I don't celebrate my birthday anymore because of it.
  • I'm a pretty outgoing person, I have a stable life and mental health, I try to show up when they need me. I mean, I don't think I'm a weird person that pushes people away...
  • I have given it a lot of thoughts and my conclusion is that I'm probably not good enough of a friend for them to feel like they actually want me to be a part of their life. I'm a very independant person, and I have always
  • woman holding smartphone
  • struggled with the idea of texting with people everyday etc, although I try my best. I also come from a very dysfunctional family and I am an only child so I guess it affects some of my behaviours.
  • I think I have made good progress these past few years: I've gotten more involved in the planning of people's birthdays (for the cake, gifts..), I text back more quickly, I have added all the birthday dates in my phone calendar to make
  • sure never to forget a birthday, I bring back gifts. from my trips, and I use my own love language which is cooking for the people I love. I have also made progress with stopping myself from always centering conservations
  • around myself (lonely/only child bad habits...). I ask more questions, avoid unsollicited advice, and validate people's feelings.
  • Still, I feel like I should be a better friend so people would actually want to spend time with me. I am afraid no one would ever want to celebrate my life milestones with me : birthdays, wedding, etc.
  • Do you have any advice on how to be a better friend so people would actually show up for me?
  • woman reflecting

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